Redneck Letter

[captaincaveman9]

Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was d! riving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom

[bettagurl]

Wow lol

[wataugachicken]

twisted.

i like it.

[captaincaveman9]

Thanks my brother sent this to me since I live in Alabama now

[H3D]

:rofl:

[Slappy*McFish]

:rofl:

Ditto

[Yuri De Lima]

This Letter was taken from a movie, but I can't recall which movie, does somebody else know?

Here's Another.
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?"

She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.

Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "Luke?"

Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"

Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"

"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.

"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."

"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."

[Dwarf Puffers]

LMAO!!

[rosita]

Those are hilarious!! Sadly enough, I've run into alot of people who are really like that out here in North Carolina country. Really, truly. Then again, a farmer down the road is highly educated, his wife is an educator, his oldes son is a Rhodes Scholar, middle daughter at Carolina with multiple scholarships, and he spends alot of time thinking during the day while farming. A hard working man with a great sense of humor. Unfortunately, he has no brothers!!!!!!

[jm1212]

:laugh:

[mee-mee]

I love reading RedNeck jokes, letters, and watching Jeff Foxworthy...great letter CC...

[plantling]

:rofl: Thanks for sharing CCman. I live in the South and there are some pretty intelligent ppl, but then there are also some that are pretty not intelligent.

[Reefscape]

Can we please ensure that this thread does not turn into a thread that can cause insult or offence..

Thanks and have a good day...

Niko

[Yuri De Lima]

No prob, we are all good ol' sports...am I right? Well..at least I am.

[bluerat]

very funny cavie lol

[Yuri De Lima]

Lecture on Supernatural-
A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".

[Dwarf Puffers]

Lecture on Supernatural-
A professor at W.Virginia University is giving a lecture on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks: "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands. "Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost? 15 students raise their hands. "That's a great response."

"Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic."
"But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" One student in a flannel shirt and baseball cap way in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off his glasses, takes a step back, and says, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."
The redneck student complies with a nod and a grin, and begins to make his way up to the podium.
The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost."
The student replies, "Ghost?!? Sheeyit..... From back there it sounded like you said 'goats'".

Lmao...

[unbeatablec]

I dont really find this funny at all.

Making fun of a group of people is never funny.

If I told a story about tyrone robbing a liquor store, and stealing fried chicken and water melon would that be funny? No it would not.

[IceH2O]

Depends on how you tell it.

Black comics make fun of Tyrone everyday and I find it just as funny as these redneck jokes.

Jeff Foxworthy,Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White etc... all made it to where they are making fun of southeners.

I feel bad for people that are totally serious all of the time.

Becoming PC has been Americas downfall.

[Swayde]

Depends on how you tell it.

Black comics make fun of Tyrone everyday and I find it just as funny as these redneck jokes.

Jeff Foxworthy,Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White etc... all made it to where they are making fun of southeners.

I feel bad for people that are totally serious all of the time.

Becoming PC has been Americas downfall.


*Agreed*

Now as a trailer park dwelling chick in a redneck area... I find these jokes to be hilarious. It's always the jokes that have a tiny bit of truth to them and then exaggerate everything else that always makes me laugh =)

I also like Jeff Foxworthy, Larry the Cable, Ron White and Bill Engvall. I even got to see Larry live before he made it big with the Blue Collar comedy tour since he's a local, homegrown comedien =)

[unbeatablec]

Ok, sorry I had to be serious, so if I post some black jokes I wont get banned right?

[Yuri De Lima]

Just as Niko has said, let not this thread turn into an argument. We Just being good ol' sports.

When people talk about redneck, they usually make fun of them, not being mean though, just for the fun of it. Even on tv, in movies....anyone remember National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation?

http://www.loadedshelf.com/e107_images/xmas/christmas_vacation.jpg

[unbeatablec]

I know, but I am asking, if redneck jokes are allowed, then are black jokes allowed?

[Rbishop]

Please don't turn this into an issue. It is one thing to joke about some idiosynchricies and another to be racist and demeaning.

[unbeatablec]

Please don't turn this into an issue. It is one thing to joke about some idiosynchricies and another to be racist and demeaning.
I see no difference in the 2.

theres no difference between racist and demeaning, or predjutice and demeaning.

[unbeatablec]

IMO either everything is good to talk about or nothing is,

[Yuri De Lima]

If we are going to turn this into an issue, we'd better have a mod close this thread. But I was having fun with it. We really are just being good ol' sports, just for the fun of it. If people take it too serious than that's a sign that we should just close the thread, but others may have a good laugh once they read the joke. What's better than to share a laugh w/ someone.

I only posted w/ever I posted cuz I found them funny.

I say close the thread if an issue is seen.

[unbeatablec]

its all good, I aint mad. leave it open, I just know now I can post some jokes without getting into trouble.