Lifes way of kickin ya in the ***

Lady G

Lady G

It's a mafia thing, nothing personl
Oct 6, 2005
3,322
0
0
WI
gingersassatelli.bodybyvi.com
Well, guy's I don't know if I'm here b/c I want others opinions, or if I just want to get this out and really don't know who to talk to about it, how to talk about it I don't know I just don't know what to do.
Ok, as some of you may or may not remember..I lost my job. I did get my unemployment which is good, of coarse it's not much and to pay the bills with and house 4 children it's really next to nothing. So of coarse I have gotten behind on everything at this point trying to figure do I pay this or pay that and need them all. I can't have my water turned off, I can't have my power turned off and I can't loose my house... so then comes the question how do I make a little over 800.00/month pay 950.00 worth of bills. Yes, I don't HAVE to have my phone/Internet, so that is one I COULD let go.
I have talked to my landlord and he is willing to let me do some things around the house for part of the rent, he is going to bring me a ladder so I can clean out and fix the guttering around the house and let me paint the front porch and re-due the stairs on the back porch. He is only willing to pay 8/hr though so I'm not to sure how much that is going to knock off for me.
Now I have put apps in many places and am hoping like crazy one calls soon. There are a couple local bars I could go to and if it comes down to it I will, but they are shady..with alot of fights and the police called most weekend nights, so really unless I absolutely have no other choice I do not want to work at them. This is a small town so jobs are scarce, since once one comes available tons of ppl are there to apply.
My next delima...my Mom calls me and the house I used to live in, in WI is still there for me. There are many more jobs there and I loved living there. I know my girls would love to live there to especially since they would see Grandma so much more. That brings me to my boy though, who is 16..his friends are his life right now, and I know he would never want to leave. He has had some issues in his life that I wont get into here, but this is the best 3 years he has had in a long time (since we moved back to IL), I don't want to take that away from him, he's my boy and we are very close...we have been there for each other many times and I can't just take his life away from him, I know how and why he feels the way he does and I can't hurt him. He is one of the main reasons I do not want to move back.
That brings me back to my mom who is having very bad health issues and really she could use me there for her...but that brings me to the reason I moved back to IL in the first place, she is the only family I had up there...the rest of my family lives here and I moved back because I wanted my kids to grow up knowing their family, after I lost an Uncle and my Grandma and Grandpa on my moms side and my son was the only of my children to of ever met and known them, I moved back. Since moving back they have gotten to know everyone and we lost my Grandpa on my Dads side about 8 months after moving back..which was especially hard on me since my grandparents raised me. I lived w/ my dad who lived with his parents, so they were more like parents to me. Now my Grandma is having health issues too, and I don't want to leave her, she is so lonely after loosing my grandpa and I just hate to break her heart by moving away.
Then we have my husband who has wanted to move back to WI since we moved back here. He hasn't held a job down, and really I blame alot of the situation we are in on him. Now don't get me wrong, I love him very much and he is a wonderful father...but when we first moved back he hardly looked b/c well this one didn't pay enough, or this one was stuff he couldn't do or that one was to far away...always a reason he couldn't do it or what ever. He has had a few different jobs and blames me for making us move back for the situation we are in now...if we hadn't moved back to IL he would still have a job..blah, blah, blah.
Well now my Mom has said this and he thinks we should go, since he moved for me I should move for him, and he could make more money there then he does here..which yes it is true he could. He doesn't care what our son thinks and doesn't even consider him in the thoughts of moving back, because to him our boy is a disappointment, since he has messed up in school. Which yes he has but he is a good kid, and has never been in trouble with the law or anything like that just does not do well in school.
I don't know what to do, and like I said I don't know what I am trying to accomplish with posting this here..just the fact I really don't know who to talk to about it or what to do.

Thanks for letting me go on and on.
Gin
 
My advice.

You have to do what you have to do. You have to weight the options against each other as you are doing. At the end of the day, what has to be done has to be done. It will take working together as a family unit, discussing things as a family unit, if the family unit cant decide, the adults are going to have to make the decision that is in the best interest of the family.

As Im sure you know, some things we do things that we dont necessarily want to do because the need outweighs the want.

At the end of the day, I think you already know what the right thing to make is, you just havent accepted it yet...

Blue
 
Sorry you're having to deal with this type of serious life drama. I agree that you and your hubby need to have a no-BS talk and decide together what is best for the family. At 16, your son should be able to understand the decisions that have to be made if you include him in them and treat him as a part of the process. Just thoughts, never been there, but I do wish you the best.
 
Thanks guy's at this point really I have know idea what I want to do, a part of me yes wants to move back, it was fun there and we could do so much, rock climbing, cliff diving, swimming (in water I could see through) and it's right by the Dells, so there was the riverboats, Tommy Bartlets, Ripleys...I could go on and on. But the biggest part of me wants to stay right here. This is where my roots are these are my stomping grounds, then I have the kids I have dedicated myself too in their karate class (it's volenteer so no pay there) but they are all so worth it, I hate to leave them. Then there would be the talk with my Grandma and my Dad and everyone else.
Then of coarse the hubby had to bring up..you know there is more room at out house up there which means more room for your tanks:rolleyes:
MAN I just don't know!!!
 
Life sucks when your faced with these types of decisions.. Here is something that happened to me and I hope it helps.

I was faced with a simular decision back in 2002.. 9/11 happened, the anthrax scare happened which affected my job greatly (I used to manage call centers).. Our biggest client not being able to direct mail people decided to shut down operations and go with commercials and left us as their secondary call center. I was let go as the scape goat and looked for work for over 7 months to no avail.. The IT industry in Dallas had gone bust and there were 150 people applying for any job.

I eventually had to decide to I move home where I knew I could find work or move into a GF's place that I was not that hot for and didn't like the idea of being a mooch.. So I moved home and with the help of a friend got into a job (not making even close to what I did) that has eventually moved into splicing fiber optic cable.. In the fall I have to move back to infrastructure cabling in buildings as in the cold climates not must new cable being put in the ground..

Anyway what I found that helped me make a decision was listing all of the Pros and Cons on paper and weighting them on a scale from 1 to 10 as to what was the most important.

In the end it helped concrete the decision I had pretty known I was going to have to make..

hope that helps..
 
i've always believed in the greater good

reading between the lines its really your son your worried about, but you have to remember that theres also your hubbie, your parents and everyone else...

your son will be resistant to the move...reat him as an adult and go an spend a few hours with him and tell him everything (and more) you've explained above...be open and honest about the money (teenage boys understand money ime, teenage girls dont)...this is the only way to get his buy in

if you are going to have more money moving back then can you offer to pay for a couple of his friends to cover one weekend a month


speak to a golfer...when he is teeing off if all he sees is the bunker and trees, gues what when he tees off he he'll hit the bunker or trees

if all he can see id the flag he'll hit the green

dont foucs on the problems, focus on the solutions...and only talk the benefits
 
Look to the future. Sit down with hubby and both of you decide where you would like to be 3-5 yrs from now. Take at look at the options you currently face, and what will achieve those short term goals. SOmetimes you just have to chuck it up and do what's best overall, though it isn't what you would prefer to do.
 
This is a very difficult situation and I empathize with you. What year in high school is your son? How far away are you going to move (geography is not my strong suit)? I think the advice about including your son in the decision is a good one, but you and your husband need to come together on the reasons for moving first. It doesn't need to be anyone's fault you are in the situation you are in. You need to be a team to make it work. My advice would be to try and get you and your husband on the same page as far as goals, approaches, and options. Then present them to your son in a matter of fact way and let him know his feelings and thoughts count.
The list of pros and cons is a good way to sort out what is important from what is less pressing.
 
I just want to thank you all for your replies and input, it is all very helpful. At this point I am still very confused as to what I feel is best to do. On the one hand, we have fun, a little more money (hopefully), my mom and beautiful land with tons of trails and hidaway beachs to swim in. On the other hand I have my family, Aunts, Uncles, cousins, neices, nephews, Grandma and Dad. Less money to be made not as much to do but plenty of family times...cook-outs, holidays, and just visiting times.
My girls would be happy either place I am sure of that. They love the time we spend w/ family members and going to my Grandmas to make tortellinis, tortalach, bonya caulda and lots of homemade Italian recipes. I cherish those times and feel it is sooo important to my children. We have all the times we go to my Aunts who had many family cook-outs and get togethers...tons of cousins for the girls to play with and lots of fun for us all. You see for me family is VERY important and them growing up and learning about family value is something that I really want for them.
Family holidays are the greatest for us too, one house FULL of family members. I realize to some this is hard but I LOVE it soo much, I love seeing my kids playing with all the cousins they have.
Then in Wisconin I have my Mom....she is haveing health issues and really I would like to be there for her. She would be the only family I have there so this would stop the big family get togethers, I would miss this tremendously and would hate for my kids to miss out on this.
See this is where my husband and I differ so much. Growing up for him was his parents and siblings, he didn't know his grandparents, knew a coupld Aunts and Uncles because they would go and visit them once a year in Kentucky or Cali...whichever they went to see that year and that is all he ever really knew as far as family. I was raised by a huge family were we always did things together, holidays were a huge event and cook-outs, camping trips, and other family functions were always around. I really would like this for my children.
I don't know if a job comes up soon, I don't know if I would consider the move. Then again I think of all the things we did in WI and I miss that too.

Again, thank you all for your help and support in this issue.
 
G, wow are you in a pickle. would it be a consideration if your son could stay with one of his aunts or something until he at least completes highschool? As far as parties and stuff, there is alwaus long distance visiting and stuff.... I mean, maybe the job thing happened at this time and your difficulty getting another happened because you were meant to go back...

*hugs* everything will work out in the end, girl. They always seem to.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
AquariaCentral.com
Top Bottom