I'm desperate for advise!

Bummer. I haven't had the pleasure of potty-training anyone yet but I know my mom use to give us stickers when we went potty and then when we got so many stickers we got a treat or a small toy.

My boy was like that, just keep doing what you're doing and she'll use the potty when she's ready to.

relax, all your stress over it is spilling out on her, make a game of it and whatever you do dont make her feel bad for making a mistake she will get the idea. good luck.

Anyway to make a game of it? Me and my boy targeted Cheerios together that we tossed in the pot, to make it fun. Can't remember what we did with our daughter.

I know it's difficult but hang in there.
When my daughter was going through the potty training days she was absolutely impossible. What I did was I took her panty shopping. I let her pick out the panties that she wanted and then told her that she couldn't wear them unless she went potty in the toilet. Everytime she would use it we would put a star on a board and when the board got full for the week she got to pick out a small toy or doll, whatever she wanted. It worked for me. Of course there was still a problem with the nights but it worked out over time.
I wish you luck.

make being on the potty seem like a reward, or, if she is the type of kid, more grown up.

There are tapes(showing my age) now cds or mp3s of the potty songs that can help.
You could also try and spend time with a little older kids this also can help because they want be be like the big kids.

But IME a son and a daughter now 15 and 17. they do it when they are ready.Trying to get them to do it before they are ready is just :wall:
you can encourage them to do it but that's all you can do. so relax your daughter will pick up on your frustration even if you think you are not showing any.

What worked the best for me and my kids was to give them drinks/etc at a structured time during potty training and then observe their pattern. If they had milk for breakfast, about 2 hours later they would have to use the potty. I also did the marble jar idea where everytime they used the potty, or toldme they had to (even if they didn't end up making it or going) they got to put a marble in. When the jar was full, they got to either go to the dollar store, or do something special of their choice with mommy. ALot of it is patience, and she just may not be ready yet. With some kids, they have to DECIDE to do it, and then it happens very quickly. Try your best to not make it threatening to her at all, and make a big deal of it when she does go. I wish you the best of luck, I know it can be very challenging.