Just a thought... (funny emails #8)

Lexi_D

is *Magic*
Nov 25, 2007
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watershedrussiantortoise.blogspot.com
Just a thought........

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?


Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


What disease did cured ham actually have?


How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?


Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.



Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?


Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?


If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?


Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?


Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!


If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?


If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?


If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?


Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?


Why did you just try singing the two songs above?


Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place ?
 
And I'm wondering how come everyone else's fish are swimming all the time, while mine only know how to dive...?
 
Can you cry under water?

no one can be sad underwater

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

they have to have rigged at least three elections

Why do you have to "put your two cents in",
but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

the pennzoil for toddlers foundation

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

only if new cloths are sinners

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

so it fits in the microwave

What disease did cured ham actually have?

bubonic plague

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

because wheels are very complicated, unlike propulsion nozzles and space suits

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

babies have a system

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

thats for the jury to decide

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

it all has to do with moores law...

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

they're afraid of explosive decompresion

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


docters are known for their uneasy stomachs

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

scholors lost the transition millenia ago

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

its a conspiracy started by wonderbread

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

the 1990s were simpler times

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

fantastic

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

because a show about a man fixing a boat would suck

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

thats what the aborigines do, it just hasnt caught on yet in the states

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

well goofys a basset hound

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

he had to catch the bird to get into a fratenity, contrary to popular belief

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

squirrels, of coarse

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

only if decepticons come frome deception

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

only on wednesday when the moon is at its most powerful

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

singing brings the world together

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

30% of a dogs diet is flys


Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place ?

someone said you were the easterbunny
 
Can you cry under water?
if you're underwater i think you have some other things to worry about. breathing, maybe?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
more important than me i guess

Why do you have to "put your two cents in", but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
me. so every time someone says that, i get a penny.

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
i sure hope not. if thats true, i want to be buried in shorts and a t-shirt with some sun glasses and flip-flops

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
would you like it to come in a triangle box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?
the bird flu

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
one small step for man...

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
some people wake up every two hours. how do you think stuff gets done around here?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
do you want them to call it a sign language-ing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
you can be in the TV too, just like that stupid boy on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
well the money goes to me, so i dont ask questions.

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

who knows

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
hmmm...

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
for the rats.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
actually, it goes I dont care, so someone does.

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
since when do hearses drive on the highway anyway?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
it would end the series. duh. and until you make one, dont point fingers

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
because then they would think other things.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Goofy is goofy, i.e weird, against the norm, strange. as i recall he wasnt that good at walking anyway

If Wiley E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
roadrunner is GOOOOOOD

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
all that nasty garbage that comes out of the babies.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
nope.

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
yes.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
why not?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
nope, dont have a dog. they know they need the wind to blow the stink off of them anyway, but getting air blown in their face isnt nearly enough so why even bother?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place ?

you have my email address?!?!?!
 
Why do we drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?
 
hmmm.. perhaps a couple of you should look up the definition of rhetorical questions. ;)
 
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