greeneyedlady
07-15-2004, 12:45 PM
> >
> >"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"
> >
> >If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> >
> >If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> >
> >If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
> >
> >If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
> the line so we can trace your call.
> >
> >If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
> the mother ship.
> >
> >If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
> tell
you
> >which number to press.
> >
> >If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press,
no
> >one will answer.
> >
> >If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696 .
> >
> >If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
> until a representative comes on the line.
> >
> >If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
> number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
> maiden name.
> >
> >If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
> >press 0 0 0.
> >
> >If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
> or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
> >
> >If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory
> >loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.. If you
> have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> >
> >If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
> busy
to
> >talk to you.
> >
> >If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You
won't
> >be crazy forever.
> >
> >If you are brunette don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
> >
> >
:laugh:
> >"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"
> >
> >If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
> >
> >If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
> >
> >If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
> >
> >If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on
> the line so we can trace your call.
> >
> >If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to
> the mother ship.
> >
> >If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
> tell
you
> >which number to press.
> >
> >If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
> press,
no
> >one will answer.
> >
> >If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696 .
> >
> >If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
> until a representative comes on the line.
> >
> >If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone
> number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's
> maiden name.
> >
> >If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y &
c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y
> >press 0 0 0.
> >
> >If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep
> or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
> >
> >If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory
> >loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.. If you
> have short-term memory loss, press 9.
> >
> >If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too
> busy
to
> >talk to you.
> >
> >If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You
won't
> >be crazy forever.
> >
> >If you are brunette don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it up.
> >
> >
:laugh: