Wedding Rings?

[OrionGirl]

So I'm picking out a wedding ring. I don't want anything elaborate, not looking for a traditional setting that costs 2-3 months salary. (pic attached.)

All my friends have said they think it's simple and elegant, no problems. And of course, my SO just wants me to be happy--he'd buy just about whatever I picked. My concern--I've heard catty, nasty remarks made regarding wedding rings. I don't want to put up with that, and don't want my SO to feel that he should have bought me something bigger (that I wouldn't like!).

Why the heck have weddings turned into such a public thing? From how much is spent on the ring, to the number of guests, to how much loot you get for presents. It's just confusing as all heck to me. I know one couple that is spending $1800 on the cake alone! Sheesh! Like it's some sort of trophy to cart around. To me, the wedding should not be a big deal--it's the committment in the years that follow that is important, not that one day.

Am I out of touch, or has the whole process gone whonky?

As an aside--I do think the bride should get to be the princess for the day. If that's what you want, great, but why is there this expectation that everyone wants that, too?

[TKOS]

There is nothing wrong with that ring. It looks very nice.

I know that I would much rather have a small wedding for close family and then a nice party for friends later on to celebrate. In my mind there is nothing wrong with a good buffet and good DJ. Let people relax, dance, chat and have a good time.

[tomm10]

Actually I really like that ring. Is this for a wedding ring or for an engagement ring?

When I picked out Jaime's engagement ring and when we both picked wedding bands our primary concern was that the rings be practical. Jaime is a nurse and has to put rubber gloves on and off all day so a big rock was out of the question before I even looked at prices. As for bands, I'm a klutz and I typically rush into hands-on jobs without thinking "Hey, bet this will ruin my ring". So, I wanted something comfortable in the 10-14k range so it wouldn;t be too fragile.

You're the one who has to wear it forever so I wouldn't worry about the catty folks.

[cgrabe]

I really like that ring. Some of the bigger rings just look gaudy. It'd look better though if I had someone's finger to put in it. :) I know it's much easier said than done, but it really shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.

I really don't want a big wedding myself. If it weren't for immediate family, I'd just as soon elope. I think too much focus is often put on the event rather than the couple.

[OrionGirl]

It's the wedding ring. I'm more concerned about what someone would say to my SO--anyone dumb enough to voice a criticism to me will be curtly put in their place--I have no tolerance for that kind of thing. ;) We haven't decided if we want to do an engagement ring or not--if so, it will be this one(attached)--still not a costly ring. I'm more concerned with the sentiment behind the rings than the price tags. :)

[Dangerdoll]

love that ring OG and for the record, you haven't been out of touch, just more grounded and not as frivilous as some people tendc to be today......

[cgrabe]

Hey, I like that one too! You've got good taste.

Is he the type to take things personally?

[geoffgarcia]

we each have our own style, if thats the ring you like then go for it.
Do you plan on wear the ring all the time anyway? or just on special occassions?

Personally I'm not a ring person, if I ever get married the wedding ring is going into a jewlery box or sock drawer after the honeymoon

[tomm10]

I really like both rings a lot. I would be horrified if someone made a disparaging comment about Jaime's ring. That would be incredibly inappropriate, which interestingly enough, would made the snotty person making the comment pretty classless. I wouldn't worry about it at all as a man. I doubt he would either.

Besides, I think you're more likely to get comments about small engagement rings than a wedding band. If I see just a band I assume the woman isn't wearing her engagement ring. As just a band I think the one you picked is beautiful.

[OrionGirl]

I'm not sure if he'd be upset or not--I can't alway gauge that one right. He's normally pretty tough about things, but this is something really personal.

I'd likely wear it most of the time--my work doesn't involve anything that would damage it. His job would prevent him from wearing his most of the time(his will be a simple gold bad, matching width to mine).

Yep--comments are incredibly classless, but I've heard them!

[RTR]

Herself's wedding band is a bit more ornate, but totally stoneless. No engagement ring either. J said then she was too young for diamonds, still has not developed the habit (can you hear the cheers in the background?). My Mother's diamonds are all still in the bank, they never come out. I guess that my son will get then someday, but his current fiance is not a rock person either. My band spent its life in my pocket (lab folks do not do rings) and I thought I lost it - it turned up later when I had the leather seat in my car repaired. Talk about honesty - they could have kept it and we would have never known, I thought I had sent it to the laundry in a lab coat pocket. By then it no longer fit and I was out of the habit.

Personal jewelry is a personal choice. Folks who make snide comments I'm afraid say more about themselves than about the person to whom the comments are addressed, or about their choice of jewelry.

These days anyone who sports big rocks routinely is making themselves a target in any case, and enriching their insurance company.

[SnakeIce]

yes by all means get something that is meaningful to you and your spouse.

the ring that my wife has looks far pricyer than it is but the colors and meanings are still the same wheather we spent the money for the more expensive versions of the same color stones or not.


my wife's ring is a simple white gold channel set with 4 each green red and purple stones in the repeteing order of green red purple...

green- my favorite color, red- love, hearts... you get the idea, purple her favorite color.

12 total in number for the many references of 12s in the church as Christs bride... to remind me every time I see it of the true example of what a committed loveing relationship is.

we could have spent quite abit of money(for us) and gotten emeralds, rubys and amethysts for the stones to be those colors, but we spent less for the same meaning with tsaverite garnets(green), garnets, and amethysts in our custom altered setting of white gold.

would have had the ring in silver but silver is to expensive to change settings like that

[Leopardess]

"These days anyone who sports big rocks routinely is making themselves a target in any case, and enriching their insurance company."

Hey now, its not okay to make remarks about little rings, so its not okay to make remarks about those with big rings!! Besides, size doesn't matter:P :D

[cgrabe]

Besides, size doesn't matter:P :D
And it's a good thing too!

Ya know, because big rings are expensive and all.

[RTR]

Yes, as a matter of fact it is - not because of the rocks themselves as much as the fact of making yourself a mugging target on just about any city street these days, which has to do not being wise rather than simply being ostentatious. The latter case is a social faux pas, the former case is high risk behavior.

[Lila]

OG ... I love it! I think it's actually simple and elegant. My ring is a band with three small diamonds. I honestly was not interested in anything that would be a great down payment for a car!

Beautiful choice, doll!

;)

Lila

[becky_e]

OG, those are great rings. I never thought the wedding band was something women made catty remarks about. My original wedding band was just a white gold band with a row of beading on either side! My new wedding band is an even plainer style yellow gold band. It was a gift from my mother-in-law because I can't wear my rings after having a baby, fingers just got too big! I wonder if anyone has said any disparaging remarks about my wedding bands behind my back? :confused:

Anyways, I solved the "my diamond is bigger than your diamond" senario by getting a nice big sapphire for my engagement ring, :D which I also can only wear on my pinky now because of my daughter, anyways!

[happychem]

Our wedding bands are just simple 10k gold bands. We looked at some others available and decided that the simple elegance of a gold band was what we wanted. The woman at the jewelery shop where we ended up buying our rings showed us her rings (15years) and you couldn't tell the difference between the 10 and 14k gold ring.

There's a lot of talk about quality this and size that, but in the end it comes down to what's discernable with the naked eye. Folks aren't going to come up to you with a gemoscope to examine your diamond!

As for your SO, I suspect that what he wants more than anything else is to make you happy. If you choose the ring that makes you feel warm and fuzzy and it's exactly what you want, and he knows it, then if anyone ever makes any comments to him about it, he'll know that he got you exactly what you wanted, made you happy and in that respect was far more successful than the commenter. So the comment won't hurt him and he'll probably just tell whoever to get a life.

Get what makes you happy.

Oh, and congratulations!

[mogurnda]

I like that ring a lot. It's an attractive piece of jewelry that makes the right statement. I often think a big rock says something about the insecurities of the person wearing it.

Oh, and big congratulations, by the way! Once you survive the event itself, marriage can be a whole lot of fun.

[Leopardess]

"Yes, as a matter of fact it is - not because of the rocks themselves as much as the fact of making yourself a mugging target on just about any city street these days, which has to do not being wise rather than simply being ostentatious"


What kind of car do (some of) you have?;) No one's gonna be robbing me of my 86 saab...What kind of clothes? Stereos? Saying a nice ring or piece of jewelry makes you stupid for putting yourself as a target would have to mean that you can't have a nice new car, nice cell phone, money in your wallet, etc.


"I often think a big rock says something about the insecurities of the person wearing it."

I really am kind of sad that in one line, people criticize those who make comments about things that are no one else's business. Saying that no one has the right to judge someone's "small" ring. But in the next sentences, some of these people are doing the same thing in reverse! Wow.

Again I'm going to say, I don't think its fair to criticize people who's SO decided to get them a big ring - nor those who chose a small one. I had no say in it. Heck, I didn't even know it was coming. So I won't be made to feel bad for it! "Should I say 'hon, thanks for spending so long picking it out, but I'm giving it back because people will talk about me'?"

But I guess I'll be careful of all the muggings we have here in the seacoast of NH! :rolleyes:

I love those rings og, especially the first one. Its very feminine and lady like. (Sorry to put a bit of a damper on your thread) My mom has a ring that's like the second one you showed and its very nice...though...I think it has something like rubies as the stones.

And sorry if I missed it, but when are you getting married?:D

[OrionGirl]

Haven't set a date. :) We just know it's going to happen at some point in time and I found this ring that I like, didn't really expect him to jump in and buy it--nor tell his entire family! Yikes!

[Leopardess]

Wait lol. He told his family and you didn't know?
Sneaky little devil:D He just must be super excited.

[mogurnda]

Saying that no one has the right to judge someone's "small" ring. But in the next sentences, some of these people are doing the same thing in reverse! It's called reverse snobbery. It is indeed a bad habit. It's a knee-jerk reaction that comes out whenever I perceive the possibility of people equating conspicuous consumption with love, intelligence, hard work, etc.
\hijack off\

[Leopardess]

Ok. Its just that I dont think its fair to judge someone for one purchase that is made by them (and mostly not even by them but by the person giving it to them!)

Then the same would have to go for the people who buy anything nice; cars, toys, vacations, etc. Or for the guy that buys a big high tech computer for his office when any old 300$ laptop could do.

The guy that buys a nice new mercedes could also be the guy that made other sacrifices to get his nice car and its simply that it is what he wanted. Assuming some one is rich or a spender because they have one nice thing is likely to lead to well...you know what they say about assuming!:D S

ame goes for small rings and other material things. Just because you see a woman who isn't loaded with diamonds and gold (for her own personal reasons) isn't a viable reason to say "wow, he must be poor! He can't even afford a nice ring! He must not love her very much!"

Maybe the guy who buys his fiancee a big fat ring is the same kind of guy that doesn't think that buying chocolates, jewelry and flowers on Valentine's day equates to showing that he loves her. You just can't assume anything about one little aspect of their material possession. It's foolish. IMO.

[geoffgarcia]

Saying a nice ring or piece of jewelry makes you stupid for putting yourself as a target would have to mean that you can't have a nice new car, nice cell phone, money in your wallet, etc.nice cell phone?

[Dapple2]

I like the rings, they are pretty and practical.

So Leopardess- Does this mean that those of us who9 have *nothing* nice or top of the line can judge freely? Even my nicest belongings are secondhand, battered or just old. I think fancy cars, watches, tvs, etc are a waste. Even my computer is all secondhand and my OS is free.

[Leopardess]

No dapple. Thats my point. You can't judge a person's moral or personal qualities by their possessions.

I'd say its fair to judge them if they back it up with a bunch of talk though. Such as "My SO loves me soooo much because he/she spent 500$ on my birthday!" as if the amount something costs affects its personal value. In that case, feel free to say shut up :cool:

[dwayne]

OG ~ I think both are beautiful!!!

IMVHO 95% of people in this country make WAY too big of a deal out of a wedding. I'm not saying that weddings are important, not at all. But I look at my best friend who spent almost $30,000 - FOR ONE DAY?? Her parents pitched in some, she and her then fiance had a good savings for the day, and they are only really in about $3000 debt, which in the grand scheme of others' debts today isn't all that bad (and they just rolled it into their home so they have a decent rate at teh very least). She knew from the time she was little that her wedding day was going to be tops. She was the princess, the belle of the ball, and spared no expense. Her fiance, though he doesn't make much money, spent god only knows how much money on her ring (I don't know dollar amount, but the center diamond is just under 1 carat, and the 4 side diamonds totaly just under 3/4 of a carat, platinum setting, from Tiffany's of all places, diamond eternity band totalling just under 1 carat - he has the matching guy's band). If I had to venture a guess he definately spent the "mandated" 3 months probably 4 salary on that ring. She'd pointed out in magazines what she liked over the span of a few months, and he surprised her on a cruise with the ring (and nearly lost the surprise going through the metal detector at the airport - but that's another story).

I had absolutely no idea whatsoever that my husband was even looking at wedding rings! We'd been living together for 4 years, and were perfectly happy. Nothing against marriage, it just never came up. He proposed to me one morning, actually right around this time, end of October, and I said yes. My ring is stunning (imho ;) ) just under 1 carat total, 18k gold, 1 center round diamond and 2 oval sides and I don't mind telling you that he spent just under $3000. I was absolutely mortified when I saw the receipt (for getting it insured) but he said to me if he didn't want to spend it, he wouldn't have spent it, and we could afford it. I would have been just as happy with a tiny fleck of a diamond - hell even no diamond at all!!! My band is gold w/ 6 tinydiamonds set in shaped in a V (to accomodate the odd way my engagement diamond is set) and hubby has a plain, very thick gold band. We ran away to Vegas to get married. Well not eloped as in nobody knew we were doing it - we had the vacation planned anyways, and we had started planning "the big day" when we both realized that it was not our scene, so we both said let's just get married while we're out there. To us, marriage is very important, but it's also a private thing between us - if that makes sense... nobody came, it was just the two of us. We had a little party for our family and friends when we got home. Total, including our 5 nite vegas trip, our "wedding" cost us just under $2000.

In my opinion wedding rings, engagement rings, weddings, to-do's, fancy functions, marriages - it's all between a woman and a man (or here in Massachusetts, a man and a man or a woman and woman) and nobody has the right to make any disparaging comments about anything surrounding it. To do so would be rude, uncalled for and unsolicited, and downright classless.

Go with whatever you and your SO think is best. I like the first ring better than the second one, but they are both stunning!!! Best wishes!!!!

~Tara
gee, this post turned into quite a novel, hehehe

[FL Knifemaker]

I totally agree with Dwayne!! Why start off a relationship in debt!! Invite a small group of close friends, have an open bar, make lots of food. Have a FUN, casual reception and put the money into a home, retirement or even a nice honeymoon. Most people don't have much fun at a stuffy, formal reception anyway!!

OG, nice looking ring by the way!! I never wear rings due to work hazzards so we got squared away for half price :D

[OrionGirl]

Well, I'm more comfortable now. We had to go get our ring sizes confirmed, and shopped around at the same time. We asked for a ring like this one, and the number 1 response--from each jewelry store--was "Just one?!?" So, he realizes that this is not a typical engagement ring (which this will now be--carved gold bands as the wedding rings, his choice) and that there will be a few people who are critical. He's okay with it--asked me once if I was sure this was what I wanted, because he'd happily buy bigger/more rocks if I wanted. I said yes, I was sure, and he said okay, as long as I was happy. :) He's a great guy. :D

[dwayne]

Awesome OG!! I can't wait to see the rings... sounds like the jeweler is custom making something for you? Can't wait to see them!

~Tara

[OrionGirl]

I don't think any of it will be custom--one of the stores in town has several carved rings in stock that he liked. He didn't mention he wanted a carved one until after we got home, so I'm not sure what the pattern he liked even was--have to wait and see, I guess. :)

[Swimfins]

The beauty of a wedding ring is not the carat or the fitting, it is in the sanctity of your commitment and what comes after all the hoopla is over. Your choice is lovely OG. All the best.

[ash]

I like the first one the best- is that the carved one? or are they both carved? very elegant.
Sort of back to the original point, I agree with Leopardess. It's nobody's business either way- both types of comments are shallow. Glad you guys found something you are happy with. So still no date? ;) Having been married for oh, a whole week and a half now- I have to agree with the others- plan a day that makes you happy, no matter what friends, family, etc quibble about- the wedding is nice but not the most important thing. Actually my favorite advice was from one of my bridesmaids when I was having a really bad day-" as long as you end the day married, and nothing has happened worthy of airing on cable TV news, it's a success." Sounds like setting the bar pretty low but it really made me feel better.

[OrionGirl]

No firm date yet, but I have the ring now. We looked at wedding bands, and haven't picked anything out yet. It's most likely going to happen between now and oh, say, June 05. :) We're not in a big hurry. Most likely we'll just go to a JP, and then have a reception some time later. Actually, 2--one for my family here, and one for his family next time we go to New York.