Welcome to the.....

[TetraFreak]

CHURCH OF THE FRESHWATER AQUARIUM!

Our goal is to CONVERT Newbies & Boneheads into RESPONSIBLE FISH OWNERS!

All are welcome.

So let's Offer the Algae Wafers and the RO water to those that seek SALVATION!

Blessed is the Rock With Purple String! :fairy:




:dive:

[UncaBret]

HEY!!! No religion. Can't you read the rules? :rolleyes:

[YuccaPatrol]

a passage from the First Book of Loach: Chapter 2, verses 12-16:

And ye shall seek shelter in dark crevices,
and rest in loach piles with your bretheren.
For the patient loach there will be times of plenty
when the heavenly shrimp pellet sinks
and upon it you shall feast.

and another: Chapter 3, verses 8-19

Clowns, Kuhlis, and Botias,
though we may vary by species,
are we not all loaches?
And do we not all love a tasty morsel?
A snail, or a wafer, or a soggy flake?
So too shall we love one another,
celebrating only our similarities,
and ignoring our differences.
Only when loaches come together
in unity and acceptance,
and with the sharing of all sinking edibles,
will there be peace on substrate.

[pophead]

:laugh:

[patoloco]

I see this going nowhere good....

[Teelie]

Nowhere good indeed but still the funniest thing I've read in months.

[graphicdesign_r]

:laugh: Beautiful. Nothing stirs up the faithful like a little irreverence.

In re that other post, I know religion can be invasive and obnoxious (think Jehovah's Witnesses going door to door), but posting junk like that here in a forum where religion has no bearing is just asking for a verbal beating.

I always say "tact is for the weak", but I've also used the same phrase replacing "tact" with "religion".

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side."
-Han Solo, Star Wars :joke:

[budrecki]

I am more than willing to spend a few extra years in purgatory to read this.

Please Yucca, we need more!

[rosita]

I second that, bud!!! Yucca, that was pure genius, and boy did I need some good laffs today--and I know I'm not the only one. Waiting for more brilliant and inspirational verse. . . . :bowing:

[earwick]

I see this going nowhere good....
I totaly agree...

[Gumby131]

spam

[UncaBret]

spam
No, no, no.
new_way=spam
TetraFreak=fun

[YuccaPatrol]

another passage from the Book of Stocking, Chapter 1, verses 27-36

Of your schooling fishes,
six or more shalt thou keep,
lest you schools be scattered and dismayed.

And though they be called by the name of Cichlid,
mix not your Africans and your Americans,
for their water of the one brings great sadness upon the other.

Stock not the dyed or painted fishes,
for they are a cruel abomination,
and will surely bring a plague upon your waters.

[rrkss]

Well it looks like the religious threads are gone. The big guy himself (Michael) logged in and closed them down. Now we can be at peace again.

[TetraFreak]

Well it looks like the religious threads are gone. The big guy himself (Michael) logged in and closed them down. Now we can be at peace again.

Yes...

And Blessed is the Rock with Sacred Purple String! :fairy:


Definately want to hear more from Yucca!!! :clap:

[DirkW]

Well it looks like the religious threads are gone. The big guy himself (Michael) logged in and closed them down. Now we can be at peace again.
ALL HAIL MICHAEL! http://www.saxontheweb.net/vbulletin/images/smilies/notworthy.gif


But should we not flame the infidels who mix the aggressive with the peacefull?
:mad2: :mad2: :mad2:


And what of those who cycle their tanks with too many fish?
:devil: :devil: :devil:

Yucca, I am in awe of your knowledge of The Way! http://www.saxontheweb.net/vbulletin/images/smilies/icon_salut.gif

[DirkW]

I see this going nowhere good....
Is this not a worthy thread to purple-string?

[TetraFreak]

Is this not a worthy thread to purple-string?

Blessed is the purple string! :bowing:

[geekrockgirl85]

a reading from the book of pl*c:

for many years have I wandered this vast substrate
seeking algae from heaven (and perhaps a shrimp pellet if i'm good).
yea, tho i swim through the valley of no lettuce,
i shall fear no evil, for thou art with me
thy sinking wafers and thy zucchini, they comfort me.
surely goodness and dirty glass will follow me all the days of my life
and i will dwell in the tank of the 18,000K strip light forever.

[budrecki]

Blessed is he
who changeith the water,
for he is the giver
and the taker of life.

Bring into the flock only those
pure of heart and health
lest they be stricken down
with the sign of the devil.

And the sign shall be white spots
and the numbers shall be many
and the infection shall spread
through out the land.

The cure for the sign
will be the salt of the earth
and the water of life
and the heat of the sun.

And some will fall from the cure
and others will float
and after 14 days and 14 nights
peace will rain down upon you.

[Slappy*McFish]

amen.

[budrecki]

1. I am the Keeper of the fish, who brought you out of the fish store, out of the deplorable conditions. You shall have no other Keeper after me.

2. You shall not stare at the graven image of visitors in the glass. Do not play for them or worship them. I am your Keeper, a Keeper who demands exclusive worship.

3. You shall not take the name of the Keeper in vain.

4. Remember the Water Change Day and keep it holy. Do not fear the water changer, for he is the bringer of life.

5. Honor your father and your mother, unless they try to eat you.

6. You shall not kill. The Keeper will supply you with flake and wafers and blood works in abundance.

7. You shall not commit adultery, but you will keep 3 wives for every husband.

8. You shall not steal your neighbors cave or your neighbors wafer, or aggression will ensue.

9. You shall not bear false witness against your Keeper. You shall not spread rumors of the dropsy or the fungus.

10. You shall not covet the tanks of other fish.

[DirkW]

Molly 3:16

For the wages of ammonia is death; but the gift of life is frequent water changes.

[FreddytheFish]

Heads Up: Let's not actually poke fun at any religion, parodying's fine, but when you start poking fun at them, people are going to get mad and this thread will be locked. I don't want to see that happen, so let's keep it civilized.

[patoloco]

I see this going nowhere good....

Just wanted to re-quote myself :)

[DirkW]

Just wanted to re-quote myself :)
Oh, yea of little faith...

On a more serious note, I think that the postings to date have been appropriate. The risk is that someone will take it over the edge. That said, I find this to be one of the more amusing examples of purple-threading.

[IceH2O]

Oh, yea of little faith...

On a more serious note, I think that the postings to date have been appropriate. The risk is that someone will take it over the edge. That said, I find this to be one of the more amusing examples of purple-threading.

I think Freddie meant using scripture such as your ( Dirk ) Molly 3:16 reference and maybe even Buds 10 commandments.

Some could find it blasphemish and sacreligous.

I'm with patoloco...

I'm not going to say it offends me as I'm hoping its all in good fun but I wouldn't be surprised to see some of you in a place a bit hotter than intended.

[Dangerdoll]

did anyone get to the End of the Tank in the book of Fins?

[TetraFreak]

Some could find it blasphemish and sacreligous.


or would that be...

Blasphefish or Carpreligious?


:joke:

[YoFishboy]

The Fish's Prayer

Our fish
Who art in the tank
Latin be thy name
Thy will be fed
And successfully bred
In tanks
As you are in the wild
Give us each day
Your colorful display
And forgive us our overfeeding
As we forgive your fighting
And lead us not into chain pet stores
But to the lfs instead
For yours is the finnage
And the color
And the swimming
For as long as we remember our water changes

Amen

[rosita]

Oh, hay-eell our elders of Aquaria
The bearers of wisdom to the reborn
Waters and their creatures return to us
Within clear forms in our homes
Seek ye knowledge
For care of the fishly wonders
And forgive us for consorting with landfishes
For sharing our plates with them
For we share, too, the purest of waters
With the aquatic bretheren and sisteren

Without you, oh elders of Aquaria
Our charges might suffer keenly
Stoic in their silence
Oh, hay-eell our elders of Aquaria
Blessed are ye amongst two-leggeds
We give thanks to your shared riches . . . . Oh, Aquaria

My fish ate its purple string . . . . blasphemy

[TetraFreak]

And let us not forget our vegitation...

The plant is green
the plant is red
As long as they are well fed
we dose with ferts and co2
and the trace minerals too

The Substrate is rich
the plants do love
Flourite or Eco is sent from above
Gravel over peat
to help them grow
but lack of good light
will make them grow slow.


:dive2:

[patoloco]

Let's put some music to that last prayer.

[Ghost_knife]

hey some of this is fun, wish I had the imagination to think of some of this

[TetraFreak]

The Battle Hymn of the fishless Cycle

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the cycling of the tank
filled with substrate, bio media, & chemicals not to be drank
We have loosed the high Watt lighting to help the Amazon Sword
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on

We have added pure Ammonia and tested with the kit
We have tested & tested and want to throw a fit
Waiting for nitrites and trying a new test kit
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on

We have read the newbie section of the Aquaria Central Web Site
Every article have we read with every bit of might
Let the ammonia levels drop and the Nitrite really spike
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on

We have proudly, loudly posted that out cycle is complete
And gone through stress & strife & swearing we’re not willing to repeat
We’ve put forth so much effort, never giving in to defeat
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on

Now the cycle is completed, it’s time for us to stock
We discuss the fishy options and talk & talk & talk
After all is decided, to the fish store we do walk
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on

We are counting the inches per gallon so not to overpopulate
With all the wisdom we’ve acquired we know to acclimate
So the tank is stocked and running, now it’s time to celebrate
Our Cycle is marching on
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Glory! Glory! Hallelujah!
Glory! Glory! Hallelujah! Our Cycle is marching on




:dive:

[budrecki]

Bravo! :clap:

[Genral72]

People, you are kinda pushin' your luck.

[TetraFreak]

People, you are kinda pushin' your luck.

C'mon...

This is all meant in good fun and started as a parody when the spammer hit last week.

Besides, it's actually "ON-TOPIC" for "General Freshwater" forum and we're keeping it as light & humorous as we can!


:dive:

[YuccaPatrol]

I'm really loving this! Great battle hymn, TetraFreak!

[TetraFreak]

I'm really loving this! Great battle hymn, TetraFreak!

Thanks Yucca!

Yeah, trying to bge creative & non-offensive!

Perhaps you can enlighten us all with another passage???


:thm:

[Fish Kate]

Oh great fishkeepers on high:

Could somebody please fill me in on the "purple string" thing?

What do all the rock and purple string references in your avatars and signatures refer to?

I told you I was a newbie....

[Bunny13]

Oh great fishkeepers on high:

Could somebody please fill me in on the "purple string" thing?

What do all the rock and purple string references in your avatars and signatures refer to?

I told you I was a newbie....

What you are about to read will change your life forever...


:bowing:Enlighten Yourself! (http://www.aquariacentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=65476&highlight=Purple+string) :bowing:

[Fish Kate]

:dance2: I have seen the light, and it is purple! :dance2:

Thank You! That is HI-LAR-I-OUS

[TetraFreak]

Welcome to the world of the Enlightened!

[Gumby131]

amen.
lol slappy i love your sense of humor

[rosita]

:laugh: Beautiful. Nothing stirs up the faithful like a little irreverence.

In re that other post, I know religion can be invasive and obnoxious (think Jehovah's Witnesses going door to door), but posting junk like that here in a forum where religion has no bearing is just asking for a verbal beating.

I always say "tact is for the weak", but I've also used the same phrase replacing "tact" with "religion".

"Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side."
-Han Solo, Star Wars :joke:

Here, here. Life is too short. I've somehow managed (not purposely) to live amongst the Southern Baptist camp in the heart of the bible belt--went to a Baptist College, even taught at a University that was owned by the North Carolina Baptist State Convention.!! This has taught me TOLERANCE and ACCEPTANCE--something which most holy rollers I've actually known--so this is first-hand experience, not hearsay--have trouble with. Not trying to step on anyone's toes at all, but I think anyone's God has to have a great sense of humor--otherwise we humans would never have been created (oops, evolved). LOL :joke:

[gagaliya]

PRAN FOR PRESIDENT!

after all he already has a legion of loyal followers...step up pufferpoison and grumby

[TetraFreak]

PRAN FOR PRESIDENT!

after all he already has a legion of loyal followers...step up pufferpoison and grumby


Say What? :huh:

Did I miss something here???

[budrecki]

Someone is getting their treads mixed up (gagaliya)

Pran has his own thread, keep him there please!

[TetraFreak]

Though I walk through the isles of the fish store, I will fear no evil, for Aquaria Central hath educated me. The Articles & species lists, they comfort me. They maketh me research and watch before buying. They teacheth me to research compatibility & aggressiveness. They guide me into purchasing appropriate numbers of correct species, They lead me not into overstocking, but deliver the inch per gallon rule. They deliver knowledge of water quality and proper dosing of ferts. I shall fear no fish store for aquaria Central art with me.

The Book of Fish Stores 29:55-75



:dive2:

[Roan Art]

Yo, Preacher!

No inch per gallon, grant unto them, O Fish, for that rule is wrong and shalt therefore not be used. Let the Fish be Housed according to whom They are and where They swim, and not an arbitrary Earthly law which does not make for an adequate House. May Those who have suffered through the use of this Forgive the ignorant. Those who have departed, rest in Peace.

Roan

[budrecki]

:thm:

[MoparORnoCAR]

Blessed Be, Tetra Freak. Glad to see some people can have a little fun without getting out of hand. This whole thread is a great read!

Oh! As I walk this world without guidence through the darkness, there is but one cure all that brings salvation for us all. Oh glory be to the water change. You bring life and spirit to all who inhabit thy water box.

[TetraFreak]

Yo, Preacher!

No inch per gallon, grant unto them, O Fish, for that rule is wrong and shalt therefore not be used. Let the Fish be Housed according to whom They are and where They swim, and not an arbitrary Earthly law which does not make for an adequate House. May Those who have suffered through the use of this Forgive the ignorant. Those who have departed, rest in Peace.

Roan

Sorry M'Lady...

I was reading from the Old Book.

My Bad and perhaps mother nature will forgive me for it! :fairy:



-TF

[TetraFreak]

Now it’s time to clean the tank,
Hoping the water is not too dank,
Water Change & Gravel Vac,
Happy Fishes and that’s a fact!





-TF

[LunchBox]

hahaha this has been one otf the funniest things I've seen in days! hopefully it stays lighthearted and people don't get bent out of shape about it.

Params 1:12
let your ammonia and nitrites be as nothing, and the masses will rejoice in celebration of your wisdom for ever and ever.

[Rowangel]

This thread is hilarious! And I would go so far as to say this is very on-topic. It's basic, important information presented in a light-hearted way. If you want someone to pay attention and learn, this is how - give it to them with humor!! Bravo! :clap:

[Roan Art]

On Stocking Blue Gouramis

One blue gourami?
Aye, can work in well
Two blue gouramis?
Ach! Surely cause 'ell!
Three blue gouramis?
Nae! Says the lore
You really need to have at least
Four or more.

- Roan

[TetraFreak]

This thread is hilarious! And I would go so far as to say this is very on-topic. It's basic, important information presented in a light-hearted way. If you want someone to pay attention and learn, this is how - give it to them with humor!! Bravo! :clap:

Glad you're having fun reading this!

it does take a bit of work to be creative as some posting in here have done.

[TetraFreak]

Please open your song books.....

:dive:

=======================
1. Shall we gather at the fish tank,
where bright angel fish have swam,
with their flowing fins so colorful
flowing by the eyes of everyone

Refrain:
Yes, we'll gather at the fish tank,
the beautiful, the beautiful fish tank;
gather with the watchers at the fish tank
that flows by the eyes of everyone.

2. On the Back glass of the fish tank,
Covering up cords and the fray,
we will cover with some background,
Any bright bold color and not gray.
(Refrain)

3. Ere we watch the sparkling fish tank,
lay your eggs little rams;
grace our presence with some new fry,
and please don’t eat them down.
(Refrain)

4. Soon we'll achieve the perfect fish tank,
soon our stock levels will be complete;
soon our happy fishes will spawning
with the water filtered through lots of peat.
(Refrain)

[budrecki]

Pleco Rufus would eat no shimp
The loaches would eat no green
And so betwix the eight of them
They sucked the bottom clean

[TetraFreak]

Pleco Rufus would eat no shimp
The loaches would eat no green
And so betwix the eight of them
They sucked the bottom clean


Brilliant! :thm:

(Clanks Glass of Guniess!)

[rosita]

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I gotta tell ya'll, this could turn into a sweet little humorous yet very
helpful book-let on the care of fishies!!! Ah mean, thar is tons of
po-tent-chall heeyah. Any takers? :dance: Renee

[TetraFreak]

:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

I gotta tell ya'll, this could turn into a sweet little humorous yet very
helpful book-let on the care of fishies!!! Ah mean, thar is tons of
po-tent-chall heeyah. Any takers? :dance: Renee


Anyone interested in continuing the items in this thread in the same manner for education's sake?

After all, it actually *IS* on topic and educational. :dive2:

[rwspear76]

Hillarious

[TetraFreak]

Now why, after several months of being in general Freshwater was this moved to chit-chat?

This thread Directly relates and is actually "ON-TOPIC" for General Freshwater area!


New moderators...go figure!

[fish_freak]

This is hilarious I hope no one gets offend so we can leave it going.
Tetra I think we need some passages from the book so salt

[TetraFreak]

This is hilarious I hope no one gets offend so we can leave it going.
Tetra I think we need some passages from the book so salt


Salt?? Not Salt!

Points at fishfreak and laughs! :laugh:

Salt? we don't need no stinkin salt!

(Except to cure ich!) :Angel:


Seriously though...
It hasn't offended yet...even the extremely religious haven't said anything negative...after all, it's all about a FUN way to educate people!

As to the Salt...This was created as a freshwater thing and has stayed as such since the beginning. If the Marine Folks wish to contribute, then by all means...the Marine Fishkeepers are MORE THAN WELCOME to join "THE CHURCH OF THE FRESHWATER AQUARIUM!"


PEACE!

-TF

[sumthin fishy]

I was swimming with Him along the substrate. I asked of him "Oh good fisheard, what shall we have today to nourish ourselves. The evil king pleco has eaten all our food!"

Yea, and he saith unto me: "Have I not promised to keep you and nourish you always? Oh ye of little fins, I say unto you you will not go hungry so long as you trusst in me!"

He becconed that I follow, Swimming up up up into the upper strata of the tank. M eyes stuggled to stay open as we became ever closer to the light.

GLORY!!! As Objects became visable I saw many angelfish. And thier number was one and one and one, and thier length was less than that of a span!

The angelfish did say: "Keep faith in the Father, for he will nourish you!!!!"

And then, the Keeper of the tank did drop in many blanched cucumber slices. And all the fish who kept thier trust in him did eat it.

"I love you. Trust in me and you shall have eternal life in the garden in my backyard" Thus saith the Fishkeeper

[TheMightyQueenPixie]

a reading from the book of pl*c:

for many years have I wandered this vast substrate
seeking algae from heaven (and perhaps a shrimp pellet if i'm good).
yea, tho i swim through the valley of no lettuce,
i shall fear no evil, for thou art with me
thy sinking wafers and thy zucchini, they comfort me.
surely goodness and dirty glass will follow me all the days of my life
and i will dwell in the tank of the 18,000K strip light forever.


I AM IN TEARS! You have NO IDEA how hard that is to do to me! Oh carry on ye Characin Soldier!

[TheMightyQueenPixie]

The Fish's Prayer

Our fish
Who art in the tank
Latin be thy name
Thy will be fed
And successfully bred
In tanks
As you are in the wild
Give us each day
Your colorful display
And forgive us our overfeeding
As we forgive your fighting
And lead us not into chain pet stores
But to the lfs instead
For yours is the finnage
And the color
And the swimming
For as long as we remember our water changes

Amen


Oh GOD, I am DYING HERE

[Chickieepooh2u]

I Love this thread! Thanks for bring it up front! I woke the house up I was laughing so loud!! Seriously...funniest things I've read in ages!!

[daayda3]

This is a AWFULL thread, i cant BELIVE you would post stuff like that! it can offend people because it sure offended me!

[fishcatch22]

This is a AWFULL thread, i cant BELIVE you would post stuff like that! it can offend people because it sure offended me!hunh? how is it offensive, daayda? we're just having fun.

[Fungi]

There's a reason that religious and political posts are banned

[Mr.Firemouth]

Too funny,
Blasphemy to the original church/book to some but still funny!

[kuhliloach]

a passage from the First Book of Loach: Chapter 2, verses 12-16:

And ye shall seek shelter in dark crevices,
and rest in loach piles with your bretheren.
For the patient loach there will be times of plenty
when the heavenly shrimp pellet sinks
and upon it you shall feast.

and another: Chapter 3, verses 8-19

Clowns, Kuhlis, and Botias,
though we may vary by species,
are we not all loaches?
And do we not all love a tasty morsel?
A snail, or a wafer, or a soggy flake?
So too shall we love one another,
celebrating only our similarities,
and ignoring our differences.
Only when loaches come together
in unity and acceptance,
and with the sharing of all sinking edibles,
will there be peace on substrate.
please share more!
:lol: :grinyes: :clap: :laugh: :rofl: :y220e: :thm: :joke:

[kuhliloach]

the funniest thing i've ever heard!:dance:

[Slappy*McFish]

There's a reason that religious and political posts are banned
This thread was started last year and no one had posted in it since Jan. :)
But I suppose it's my fault for bringing it back by posting the link to it in another thread.
This thread is about aquariums and fish, not religion. Even though the posts are written in typical biblical format (for humor), there is no mention of religion or specific religious beliefs at all.

[Fungi]

I found it through that link, maybe I should have held my 'tongue' and left it where it was.
It's a fine line, I s'pose it is about aquariums and fish, however the semi-satirical parallels between it and religion may be offensive to some, hence the policy rule,

I think it's best that we leave it here... err on the side of caution

[kuhliloach]

this thread is for fun not to offend...



loach tales



oh, bye thye holiest clownloach
shalleth he recieve this blessed alagae wafer
nor shall he commit the sin of clogging the water filter
king loach rules thye country without greed
shareth the plants with other fish and bretheren
may the tank smell heavenly

[wildman117]

how long did the battle hym of fish take?

another passage from the book of loach

if yee want kuhli fry you must bestow upon your subjects a under gravel filter and easy entrance
keep the water change day holy
and provide much food of diffrent kinds and states of frozen or live or prepared state

[kuhliloach]

why did this thread stop?

[Lupin]

Please stay on topic, folks. Thanks.:)