More of Life after stroke
by, 04-09-2012 at 2:34 AM (8329 Views)
It has been a year since I last posted to my blog and was surprised at how time has flown by. I am still stuck with the depression and this past year from about September to March I was in a really bad place. Real bad. It was scary like a never-ending nightmare that you can't wake up from. I was afraid I might continue a downward spiral and never survive it. Surprisingly, I did. There was no magic to end it, there was no medication to mask it that I was willing to take, it had to run it's course and I had to be strong enough to hang on for the duration and not give in to the demons that came with it.
Sort of reminds me of a passage in the Bible, Book of Revelation :" I beheld a pale horse and he that sat upon him was Death and all of Hell followed after him." Perhaps the easiest part of dealing with it was simply to acknowledge its presence and continue on as if it wasn't there. But the other times, that is a far different story. At one point, I finally understood why people commit suicide. I saw it from the inside, not as a detached observer, more like an active participant in a very awful "game" that I wanted no part of but was trapped into. At the end of this "game" final score was: Me 1, Depression 0. I won that battle but it is a long war that I will have to fight continuously. The next battle may be more intense but I have been strengthened by this last round. I know that I now can survive it and come out on top once more. I now have that knowledge that it can be beat but it is so very difficult.
Time will tell who is the stronger and I intend for it to be me.