This thread is for all of that useless junk they try to sell newbs and uninformed fishkeepers that will, at best, do nothing at all. I'll start with a good one.
Cycle:
Marketed as something that will instantly cycle your tank. The truth is, this is isn't a bottle of helpful bacteria; It's a bottle of useless, dead bacteria. If you want a nearly instant cycle, Biospira, if refrigerated, will do the job (just remember to follow the directions). The best, most likely to succeed route would be to just get some established substrate or media from your LFS or a friend with a cycled tank.
Cycle:
Marketed as something that will instantly cycle your tank. The truth is, this is isn't a bottle of helpful bacteria; It's a bottle of useless, dead bacteria. If you want a nearly instant cycle, Biospira, if refrigerated, will do the job (just remember to follow the directions). The best, most likely to succeed route would be to just get some established substrate or media from your LFS or a friend with a cycled tank.