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greeneyedlady

Duchess of Comedy
Jul 4, 2002
173
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0
MD, USA
For those with No children-this is totally hysterical! For those who
already have children past this age, this is hilarious. For those who
have children this age, this is not funny. For those who have children
nearing this age, this is a warning. For those who have not yet had
children, this is birth control.

The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas: Things
I've learned from my Children (honest & no kidding):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house
4 inches deep.

2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller
blades, they can ignite.

3. A 3-year olds voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded
restaurant.

4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong
enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman
cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread
paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When
using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times
before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit
by a ceiling fan.

7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already
too late.

8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a
36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10. Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year
old.

11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12. Super glue is forever.

13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't
walk on water.

14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show
they do.

16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not
like ovens.

20. The fire department in Austin, TX has a 5-minute response time.

21. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms
dizzy.

22. It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story: One
day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little
Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig
was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She
read,"..And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of
straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to
build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do
you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I
think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to
teach for the next 10 minutes.

25. 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid
 

125gJoe

2009 VMAX
Jul 6, 2002
3,047
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:laugh:
 

Watcher74

Senior N00b
Feb 5, 2004
860
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Texas
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LOL I was just wondering if I still had some break fluid left in the back of my car.......

I bet I do.:D
 

125gJoe

2009 VMAX
Jul 6, 2002
3,047
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Originally posted by Watcher74
LOL I was just wondering if I still had some break fluid left in the back of my car.......

I bet I do.:D
Like this stuff?

:D
 

greeneyedlady

Duchess of Comedy
Jul 4, 2002
173
0
0
MD, USA
Men!, sometimes you all are sooooooo predictable, trust most of you to pick up on the brake fluid and clorox, and actually think about doing it ;)
 

hcgirl80

i is a gud righter lyke leela.
Jun 3, 2004
372
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0
29
USA
www.freewebs.com
26. Beware: On-line men you meet tell your kids how to make fart spray. Believe me, I know.
 
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Fishsmurf

I'm not as cute as this....
Nov 27, 2002
129
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52
Bahrain
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GEL that was brilliant. Thank you. I am sat here crying with laughter..... :sad :laugh: :laugh:
 
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