female: spangled black spot, short dorsal rays giving a crew cut look, dorsal fin definately rounded, smaller bodies, pink bellies, pelvic fins rounded at tip.
male: very little if any spangling in the black spot, larger bodies with more blue on its back end and more yellow in the belly region, more red face and fins, extended 1st 3 rays giving a cockatoidies cichlid look but less extreme, dorsal fin may come to a 90 angle, pelvic fins may have an extended bottom ray (1st ray) giving a lyre look.
um...when they are big an next to eachother, you can definatly tell a difference, but when they are young it is often difficult to see these variations.