An interview with Dr. Ron Von Aquastein.
It was with great pleasure and excitement that I, Reiverix of AC, was given the opportunity to conduct an interview with Dr. Ron Von Aquastein, the worlds foremost expert on the trolling phenomena. A quiet man, Dr. Aquastein quickly gained the respect of the scientific community with his startling new book, ‘The Pranlike Creature – A Study’.
Reiverix
‘Dr. Aquastein, explain exactly what you mean by a Pranlike Creature.’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Well this is actually a term to describe a basic pitiful troll. The main difference is that the Pranlike Creatures tend to inhabit fish based forums, most notably Aquaria Central.’
Reiverix
‘I have actually noticed the recent abundance of these creatures. Why is this?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Oh, the answer is all too simple. They are actually a form of parasite that feed on the anger and gullibility of others. They like to lurk around injecting their venom into serious discussions. If they are unable to do this, they will resort to creating a meaningless thread in order to trap their prey into responding. When that happens they feel they have a great victory, sometimes causing them uncontrollable urinating.’
Reiverix
‘Wow, that’s interesting. How do we spot a Pranlike Creature? What do they look like?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Their ramblings are usually recognized by most people. Others fail to notice the danger and don’t even know they are dealing with a Pranlike Creature. In my studies I have found that they are actually real people who hide under the anonymity of the internet. For example, you could walk past one in the street and not notice. You may even know one. It could be your friend. These are worrying facts. The one thing I did find is that they usually fall into what I call the Teen Category. They are also unpopular at school, unpopular with their parents, unpopular on forums, and unpopular in my Pranlike Creature Anti Retard Clinic.’
Reiverix
‘Have you ever personally studied one?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sure. Just last week we managed to capture one and run a variety of controlled tests on it. Let me tell you that the results were astounding. First of all we scanned the brain. This was unexpected as it seemed to be like any other normal human brain. The creature was then asked to conduct some simple intelligence tests and this is where you see the difference. Our findings concluded that a tadpole showed more resources and learning ability. In fact, the learning curve of the Pranlike Creature dropped sharply when deprived of anti zit cream. Also, the Pranlike Creature was far too involved in trying to get my staff to conspire against each other. Luckily they were armed with cattle prods, bubblegum and a bag of Doritos so were able to contain it.’
Reiverix
‘Right on. Were you able to cure it?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sadly no. However, we found that an effective short term cure was several good hard beatings. This made it sulk for a while but after a few hours it was back to its annoying habits. I might add though, that my staff and myself enjoyed this method. It gave us a remarkable sense of well being. We are eager to capture more.’
Reiverix
‘Isn’t there any way to deter one?
Dr Aquastein
‘Yes there is and we found this to be almost 100% effective. You see, they thrive on attention and are lost without it. Ignoring them is all it takes. The one we experimented on was highly sensitive to this. When deprived of attention it seemed to panic and flop around aimlessly. After a while it hid in a corner and started crying out “Mommy, daddy, why dey do dis”. It was a sad sight to see. At that point we had to release it before it had a hernia. What else could we do?’
Reiverix
‘Will there ever be a cure?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘This is interesting. As they mature the Pranlike conditions tend to fade. Of course, some of them grow up to be annoying to others, but most of them are actually embarrassed that they were afflicted by this condition. More Pranlike Creatures are only too willing to take their place though. It is really up to us to report them as soon as possible before they cause too much havoc.’
Reiverix
‘So reporting them fixes the problem?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sometimes. There is another species I call the Moderatus Forumium. These have the ability to banish Pranlike Creatures. However they don’t have the means to actively seek them out. Sometimes they stumble upon them but more often they rely on us to point them out. Another problem is that the Pranlike Creatures often change their name to get back on forums. Teamwork and patience is all it takes. Just don’t fall into the trap of responding.’
Reiverix
‘Thank you Doc. That was very informative. Hopefully you will have more findings in the future to share with us.’
Dr. Aquastein
‘You’re welcome. By the way, nice purple string you have there. Oh, I’ve just heard. We have trapped another Pranlike Creature. Now where’s my cattle prod?’
It was with great pleasure and excitement that I, Reiverix of AC, was given the opportunity to conduct an interview with Dr. Ron Von Aquastein, the worlds foremost expert on the trolling phenomena. A quiet man, Dr. Aquastein quickly gained the respect of the scientific community with his startling new book, ‘The Pranlike Creature – A Study’.
Reiverix
‘Dr. Aquastein, explain exactly what you mean by a Pranlike Creature.’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Well this is actually a term to describe a basic pitiful troll. The main difference is that the Pranlike Creatures tend to inhabit fish based forums, most notably Aquaria Central.’
Reiverix
‘I have actually noticed the recent abundance of these creatures. Why is this?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Oh, the answer is all too simple. They are actually a form of parasite that feed on the anger and gullibility of others. They like to lurk around injecting their venom into serious discussions. If they are unable to do this, they will resort to creating a meaningless thread in order to trap their prey into responding. When that happens they feel they have a great victory, sometimes causing them uncontrollable urinating.’
Reiverix
‘Wow, that’s interesting. How do we spot a Pranlike Creature? What do they look like?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Their ramblings are usually recognized by most people. Others fail to notice the danger and don’t even know they are dealing with a Pranlike Creature. In my studies I have found that they are actually real people who hide under the anonymity of the internet. For example, you could walk past one in the street and not notice. You may even know one. It could be your friend. These are worrying facts. The one thing I did find is that they usually fall into what I call the Teen Category. They are also unpopular at school, unpopular with their parents, unpopular on forums, and unpopular in my Pranlike Creature Anti Retard Clinic.’
Reiverix
‘Have you ever personally studied one?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sure. Just last week we managed to capture one and run a variety of controlled tests on it. Let me tell you that the results were astounding. First of all we scanned the brain. This was unexpected as it seemed to be like any other normal human brain. The creature was then asked to conduct some simple intelligence tests and this is where you see the difference. Our findings concluded that a tadpole showed more resources and learning ability. In fact, the learning curve of the Pranlike Creature dropped sharply when deprived of anti zit cream. Also, the Pranlike Creature was far too involved in trying to get my staff to conspire against each other. Luckily they were armed with cattle prods, bubblegum and a bag of Doritos so were able to contain it.’
Reiverix
‘Right on. Were you able to cure it?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sadly no. However, we found that an effective short term cure was several good hard beatings. This made it sulk for a while but after a few hours it was back to its annoying habits. I might add though, that my staff and myself enjoyed this method. It gave us a remarkable sense of well being. We are eager to capture more.’
Reiverix
‘Isn’t there any way to deter one?
Dr Aquastein
‘Yes there is and we found this to be almost 100% effective. You see, they thrive on attention and are lost without it. Ignoring them is all it takes. The one we experimented on was highly sensitive to this. When deprived of attention it seemed to panic and flop around aimlessly. After a while it hid in a corner and started crying out “Mommy, daddy, why dey do dis”. It was a sad sight to see. At that point we had to release it before it had a hernia. What else could we do?’
Reiverix
‘Will there ever be a cure?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘This is interesting. As they mature the Pranlike conditions tend to fade. Of course, some of them grow up to be annoying to others, but most of them are actually embarrassed that they were afflicted by this condition. More Pranlike Creatures are only too willing to take their place though. It is really up to us to report them as soon as possible before they cause too much havoc.’
Reiverix
‘So reporting them fixes the problem?’
Dr. Aquastein
‘Sometimes. There is another species I call the Moderatus Forumium. These have the ability to banish Pranlike Creatures. However they don’t have the means to actively seek them out. Sometimes they stumble upon them but more often they rely on us to point them out. Another problem is that the Pranlike Creatures often change their name to get back on forums. Teamwork and patience is all it takes. Just don’t fall into the trap of responding.’
Reiverix
‘Thank you Doc. That was very informative. Hopefully you will have more findings in the future to share with us.’
Dr. Aquastein
‘You’re welcome. By the way, nice purple string you have there. Oh, I’ve just heard. We have trapped another Pranlike Creature. Now where’s my cattle prod?’
