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Goldfish Article

Discussion in 'Article Discussion' started by reptileguy2727, Jun 21, 2008.

  1. reptileguy2727

    reptileguy2727
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    Not enough tanks, space, or time

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    Original article can be found at this link: http://www.aquariacentral.com/forums/showthread.php?t=156661

    Please post all discussion in this thread pertaining to the article.

    What do you guys think?
    Worth making into a sticky?

    I think it could help a lot of people starting out with or who already have goldfish.

    Any suggestions?
     
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    #1 reptileguy2727, Jun 21, 2008
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 30, 2009
  2. T/N

    T/N
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    it's a good article.

    it is well rounded an informative.

    IMO.. it could be more concise and edited better. the topics should be organized with better flow; as is, they are scattered. You also repeat topics; (tankmates and water perameters). in filtration, you loose focus of the topic and how it relates to goldfish keeping. Plus, you should either take out your opinions and endorsements of Name brands to keep the article more objective or make a new paragraph describing your keeping habits in more detail. just some thoughts.

    good job:clap:
     
  3. Flaringshutter

    Flaringshutter
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    Befriend a feeder!

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    I agree with T/N completely!
    Very good info, could use some organization work, but overall i'm impressed - great job.
    I know you love NLS but it's not appropriate to endorse it specifically in an article that is meant to be a general guide to goldfish - at least not when you state as fact that it is the best. Clarify that this is your opinion or take it out altogether.

    A note on writing style. The article is really great, but it's a little wishy-washy. It's very passive and wordy, and as a result, it seems as though you're not sure about what you're saying. You use "in general", "it may seem", "it has been shown" where you really don't need them. The article is sooo long, and with a few changes it could be shortened without taking out any essential information. For example:

    Could easily be made stronger with a little more active tone:

    Normally I wouldn't mention style, but this article has such great information, the passive voice really holds it back from having the impact it should. Haha, can you tell I've written a few too many essays and articles? You can leave it as it is if you like.
    Anyway, I think you did a really fantastic job. Nice work!
     
    #3 Flaringshutter, Jun 22, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2008
  4. reptileguy2727

    reptileguy2727
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    Not enough tanks, space, or time

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    I feel NLS is the best option. I mention other options because otherwise it will just end up as a buried thread full of debate about how I need to acknowledge that there are more than one way to succeed.

    I tried to keep the tone neutral because otherwise everyone has a fit about how I cram my opinion down their throat as the only good option.

    Thank you though.
     
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  5. Inka4040

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    O_o

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    LOL. Great article Reptileguy! Flaringshutter, from someone who has seen just the above happen on another forum (not like I wasn't involved), I see Reptileguy's word choice as him attempting to throw a bone to the rest of us (much appreciated btw) :D

    And Reptileguy, don't worry about it, all articles in the article section will now have a separate thread for discussion so the article stands alone, and nobody gets to mire down the actual article thread anymore.
     
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  6. BoredAgain

    BoredAgain
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    Cubs in '10

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    Ugh, not the "NLS is the win" thing again. I appreciate any article that is written and love the effort, but I do agree with T/N and flaringshutter. With a bit more work this could be a very excellent article. Kudos.
     
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  7. reptileguy2727

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    Not enough tanks, space, or time

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    This article is based on MY experience. That is the best resource to base an article on. Anyone can read some books and do online research to write a decent article. But the best are written based on first hand experience.

    I made sure that NLS was not the only diet mentioned and acknowledge that there are other successful methods. But for me, the author of this article, NLS is the best choice. Feel free to try other things to verify it for yourself and use other diets if they prove to be better in your situation.

    I did not write this as a diplomatic, safe, tip-toe around so there is nothing to debate kind of article. I wrote it based on what I have found to be best. That means that there will definitely be things that some people will disagree with, which is fine.
     
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  8. Dangerdoll

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    I'm going to sticky this for now, and we will get back to you on the Article option. Thanks ReptileGuy!!
     
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  9. reptileguy2727

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    Good. I think this could be very helpful for many people.

    Any issues or comments on the actual information? (Not the exact format or the presence of specific brand names)
     
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  10. Flaringshutter

    Flaringshutter
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    Befriend a feeder!

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    Yargg, beat me to it DD! :swear: Just kidding! Thanks for sticking it.
     

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