Punny Joke
- Thread starter electromen
- Start date
"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
So this dude that goes into a dentist office is complaining about some pain in his his tooth.
"Looks like your filling" says the dentist, "Do you eat a lot of hollandaise sauce?"
"Yes" the dude replied.
"Then we'll have to replace that filling for a chrome one" the dentist said
"why chrome?" asked the dude
"cause there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise"......
"Looks like your filling" says the dentist, "Do you eat a lot of hollandaise sauce?"
"Yes" the dude replied.
"Then we'll have to replace that filling for a chrome one" the dentist said
"why chrome?" asked the dude
"cause there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise"......
Sir Lancelot looked down at his bellybutton. What time was it?
The middle of the knight.
There are two muffins in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "Ahhhhhh a talking muffin!"
(A thoughtful joke...):
What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa?
I've got the time, if you've got the inclination
A Georgia boy is driving through Minnesota and is pulled over in a routine traffic check. He is sitting quietly and rolls down the window as the cop smiles and says,"Son, do you have any I.D?
He replies,"Bout what?"
The middle of the knight.
There are two muffins in an oven.
One muffin turns to the other muffin and says, "Is it hot in here or is it just me?"
The other muffin says, "Ahhhhhh a talking muffin!"
(A thoughtful joke...):
What did Big Ben say to the leaning tower of Pisa?
I've got the time, if you've got the inclination
A Georgia boy is driving through Minnesota and is pulled over in a routine traffic check. He is sitting quietly and rolls down the window as the cop smiles and says,"Son, do you have any I.D?
He replies,"Bout what?"
How do you tell if a guy is from Oklahoma?
if his belt buckle is bigger than his :lipssealedsmilie:
if his belt buckle is bigger than his :lipssealedsmilie:
Two spacemen landed on a planet, left their vehicle and searched for signs of life. Suddenly there appeared what looked like a ball of weeds--but with an eye within, staring at them. "Can you speak?" they asked. "Yes," it replied."I am a FURRY." Take us to your leader, "they asked." Into a cave they went, seeing within hundreds of these
"furrys>" All looked alike except one, twice the size of the others, sitting on a pillow,with a hypodermic needle-shaped item on its top.
"Are you the leader?" the men asked.
"No" replied the odd "furry."
"I'M THE FURRY WITH THE SYRINGE ON TOP."
A guy lands in Boston, gets in a cab, and realizing it's a great seafood town, asks the cabbie, "Know where a fellah can get scrod around here?"
The cabbie says, "Yeah, but I never heard anyone ask in the pluperfect subjunctive before..."
Two guys from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan die and wake up in Hell. The next day the Devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The Devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The guys reply,"Vell, ya know, we're from nordern Michigan, the land and of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know." The Devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The Devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?"
Again the two guys reply, "Vell, like we told you yesterday, we're from nordern Michigan, the land of snow and ice ! and cold.We're just happy for a chance to warm up a vee bit, ya know."
This gets the Devil quite steamed so he decides to fix the two guys.He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer. The Devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself."
The two Michiganders reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much varm weather up dere in da UP, we've just got to have a fish fry when the veather's this nice."
The Devil is absolutely furious; he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The Devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,moan and gnash their teeth. The Devil smiles and heads for the room with theMichiganders.gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The Devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"
The Michiganders look at the Devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, if Hell froze over dat must mean da Lions von da super bowl.
Centuries ago, a woman gave birth to identical twin sons who were immediately kidnapped by pirates and sold in distant lands. Years later, the woman began a search for her sons and learned one of them was living with a family in Madrid and the other had been adopted by a family in Cairo. The woman then met a man who knew both boys and was able to provide addresses. But she became distraught when she realized the price of passage to the two cities would be far beyond her means; she could only afford the trip to Spain. But the man comforted her. "Not to worry," he said. "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."
"furrys>" All looked alike except one, twice the size of the others, sitting on a pillow,with a hypodermic needle-shaped item on its top.
"Are you the leader?" the men asked.
"No" replied the odd "furry."
"I'M THE FURRY WITH THE SYRINGE ON TOP."
A guy lands in Boston, gets in a cab, and realizing it's a great seafood town, asks the cabbie, "Know where a fellah can get scrod around here?"
The cabbie says, "Yeah, but I never heard anyone ask in the pluperfect subjunctive before..."
Two guys from the Upper Peninsula of Michigan die and wake up in Hell. The next day the Devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire. The Devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?" The guys reply,"Vell, ya know, we're from nordern Michigan, the land and of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know." The Devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns up the heat.The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed in parkas, hats and mittens. The Devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you guys feel that?"
Again the two guys reply, "Vell, like we told you yesterday, we're from nordern Michigan, the land of snow and ice ! and cold.We're just happy for a chance to warm up a vee bit, ya know."
This gets the Devil quite steamed so he decides to fix the two guys.He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are wailing and screaming every where. He stops by the room with the two guys from Michigan and finds them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer. The Devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery, and you two seem to be enjoying yourself."
The two Michiganders reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much varm weather up dere in da UP, we've just got to have a fish fry when the veather's this nice."
The Devil is absolutely furious; he can hardly see straight. Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat because they have been cold all their lives. The Devil decides to turn all the heat off in Hell. The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are unable to wail,moan and gnash their teeth. The Devil smiles and heads for the room with theMichiganders.gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats, and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and screaming like mad men. The Devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy. What is wrong with you two?"
The Michiganders look at the Devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya know, if Hell froze over dat must mean da Lions von da super bowl.
Centuries ago, a woman gave birth to identical twin sons who were immediately kidnapped by pirates and sold in distant lands. Years later, the woman began a search for her sons and learned one of them was living with a family in Madrid and the other had been adopted by a family in Cairo. The woman then met a man who knew both boys and was able to provide addresses. But she became distraught when she realized the price of passage to the two cities would be far beyond her means; she could only afford the trip to Spain. But the man comforted her. "Not to worry," he said. "If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amahl."
