My name is Ash and I am a slave. As far as I can tell, the year is 1300 A.D and I'm being dragged to my death. It wasn't always like this, I had a normal life, once.
Hardware aisle twelve, shop smart, shop S-Mart!
I had a beautiful girlfriend named Linda. We decided to spend a weekend at an abandoned cabin in the woods. While there we found a book, Necronomiconexmortis, roughly translated, the Book of the Dead. Inked in human blood and bound in human flesh it was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something in the woods, something evil (that smelled like catfish).
It took Linda. Then it came after me, it got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist (So I blew its head off with a shotgun).
But that didn't stop it, it came back for more...
[A little less than 24 hours, emails anytime.]