getting feisty(long ...sorry )

[judgemax]

:devil: ok i am really angry and i think i am overreacting but i just can't calm myself. earlier today a freind of mine called and asked what i was doing ...well i was cleaning my daughters room top to bottom ..you know the type trash bag and all..and i said that was it ..she said shed liketo stop by and hang out a bit ..so i agree thinking her two children would keep mine occupied and give me someone to talk to while i sort through the two feet of mcdonalds toys, barbies, and marbles .....well she then calls back and asks if i would watch the kids for a short while she had to run and ick up something from a friend she would not be that long ...well two hours later she walks in my door ..it was 20 till ten ...i had company and my children were leaving for the weekend ..they should have left by nine but since the other two were here they stayed a little longer ...i really don't think this would have bothered me but on super bowl sunday this year i ended up with her kids for 13 hours ...i had to cakll her at 1 in the after noon to tell her my son was very ill and needed to go to the emergancy room ..(he has health problems ) she didnt bother to show up ...untill 10 30 that night ,,,after repeated calls to her ..and no answer ..she was joy ridding about an hour away ...no cell service (after i had told her about my son ...)she told me several times she was coming ,,but never did, that day she had left me no car seats both of her children need them ...i had to call my dad in tears, who lives 45 mins away, to come and watch the other three, her two my daughter at nine oclock at night so i could take my son to the er ..he needed 600 ccs of fliud ...very sick he was ... her exscuse was she didnt think he was that sick ,...after all i didnt send him in a ambulance ..uh yeah right umm without me ...hes one and a half ...so any ways ..i told her i was unhappy but assumed she would never do it again and kinda let it ride ..well today just pissed me off ...and she thinks i am over reacting ...she delayed my weekend ..took advantage of me and totally disresrespected me ...she says i tried to call but the phone was busy ...(it was only busy for the first half hour after she left ..i got a long distace call from a very dear friend) she had acsess to a phone the whole time she was gone ... she gets rid of her kids every week on thurs morn. till fri eve..i rarely get time away from mine ...i really liked her freindship untill the superbowl..and tried my darndest to recoupe from that but today i think was the last straw ...she thinks i have no right to be mad and got pretty rude trying to use every defence in the book ...am i right to feel slighted here? or was i overreacting? :huh:i think a short while and i wont be gone that long are more like a half hour,hour tops ..she was the one who wanted to hang out...apperantly she wanted a baby sitter while she hung out somewhere else ... :devil:

 

[Calico Goat]

You are under no circumstances over-reacting. What the heck is that lady doing with kids anyway? And if you have to take your kid to the E.R., ambulance or no, it's the freakin' E.R.!! It's called the EMERGENCY room for a reason!

Next time she asks you to, don't take her kids...no responsible parent should leave young kids that long, geez...heh, now I'm getting ticked...

 

[judgemax]

thank you for the confirmation ..i feel better just getting it out of my system ...i was really fumming ...but i have just decided that the frienship is no longer worth keeping ..my daughter loves playing with her son but things like this keep happening with her ...she brought her son and daughter over one night when her daughter was really young ..i think maybe 14 weeks and had me watch them so she could spend time with her bf ...they ended up staying all night ...her kids are the same age as mine so on top of my son who had tons of moniters i had two three year olds and her little one ..i think i just wanted my kids to have playmates their age there arent many kids around here that are syblings(easier)the same age as my two ...

 

[SummerMoon]

I recently cut ties with a friend of twelve years (totally different circumstances than yours) and even though it was hard, I now feel as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I agree that you are not overreacting. Seems to me that she is taking advantage of you. I personally can't understand how she could leave her kids for that long. I have a hard time letting my two year old spend the night with her grandmother. I'm up and ready to go get her by 7 am simply because it's hard waking up and not see that cute smiling face. I hope your son is feeling better now.

 

[Holly9937]

Very rude indeed :argue: !!! Next time she asks you to hang out, I would say only if you're coming to visit and not using me as a drop off service for your kids... Have you talked since?

 

[StacieA]

Your 'friend' definately took advantage of your kindness on both occassions. Only you can decide if the trouble she causes is worth the friendship. I recently purged a few people from my life that were literally sucking life out of me. I thought that I would miss them and be bored without them but I find I'm doing more things with other friends I rarely got to see because I was too busy dealing with drama's.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

 

[anonapersona]

It's called Child Dumping around here

In our neighborhood we call that Child Dumping. The only way to deal with it is to set firm rules about what you will tolerate.

Since it seems pretty certain that she will step on you again if allowed to, you need to have a backup plan for her kids, like dump them at her mother's house or her sitters house if she pulls that on you again. Or call her husband at work and drop the kids there, drastic, but it would get the message to her. You would ask for this person's phone and address as a back up, someone who can be reached in an emergency, like if you had to go and she wasn't back yet.

Next, start keeping notes, so your memory does not fade, point out that her kids were at your house for x hours in the last x weeks and you need for her to return the favor of x hours this week.

Best to keep the anger out of it if at all possible. Many people grew up in homes where anger blows over fast and there are no actual consequences. So, you stay cool and calm and negotiate as if you expect the fair return of favors. If you are calm and matter-of-fact, then she won't expect you to give too much.

There are several hard parts here, first, if she is so inconsiderate, would you even let her watch your kids? Is she likely to let them play with matches or something similarly stupid when she isn't watching? Then, you have to feel sorrry for her kids, for they certainly know that mom keeps dumping them, quite likely she is less than involved when she is there.

Now, having said all that, I had a mom I would dump on occasionally, she ran such a fun house and it seemed to be no imposition to have my 2 added to 2 of hers and 3 or 4 others that were there. It turns out the 3 or 4 others were habitually dumped there and mine only added to the problem. When she stopped welcoming the kids to stay and discussed her issues with the other mom I understood what was going on. So, make sure you are clear about this with her.

If all else fails, you could start a Babysitting Co-op, with cards and rules about sitting. In our group you had to call 24 hrs in advance, pay was 2 cards per hour for one, 3 cards per hour for 2 kids, if you ran late, there was a penalty rate that was higher. If you didn't want to keep someone's kids, no excuses were needed. The person with the lowest number of cards at the end of 6 months had to be president and keep the records and host the meeting (wine and snacks) and be paid 2 cards per member. We generally called our kids friends first to babysit, but still paid so the debts were kept account of properly.

 

[judgemax]

I really like that idea anna but i think the people around here would back out...shes actually pretty attentive when she is the only one responsable for the kids just that she never offers her son was staying over quite regullarly and she never offered to repay...and yes i still speak to her and will probably continue but at a much lower level...i told her how i felt that night then broached the subject the next morning when i was a little more calm ...i didnt get rude or mean with her i did manage to hold my temper both times but i think ske realizes the consequenses are that i will no longer watch her children unless it is an emergancy ...i just could not calm down that night and the more i thought about it the angrier i got ...i do actually feel better now that she has been informed of my intentions for our freindship...it has lifted quite a weight off me ...sometimes its so hard to be mean though ....i actually do run one of those fun house and alot of children end up passing through my doors ..lol my rules for those occasions are that every parent provide some food ...it gets expensive and that the other parents dont forget that sometimes i get tired and wouldnt mind help cleaning or a break my self ..as for charging any one i always say just return the favor ...and i always ask parents to come as well...relax give me someone to talk to while the kids paly ..they are not obligated but a few to many games of cranium or cards have started this way lol...kids come here just to hang out ..lol i dont mind but the biggest problem i have is taht my son has health problems and sometimes the other parents dont realize how taxing it can be to constantly moniter and worry about a child not to mention the frequent trips to the hospital that is 70 miles away ...they see a healthy looking cild and think nothing of it ..they all think i think negativly but i am the one who has to care for him so i get feisty when someone just takes for granted that i can always take children and that i always dont mind ...

 

[cyberbeer65]

Oh the h3ll with that broad!!.....She has some nerve!!!!!