have you checked out the best of craigslist?

magakitty

magakitty

Normal people scare me
Apr 5, 2007
846
0
0
67
Palm Springs
mysobrietyspace.ning.com
have you checked this out? It is a link on the lefthand bar - it is really something - some examples:

Dying in a Plane Crash... A Request

Date: 2007-07-11, 1:05PM PDT


I have a recurring dream about dying in a plane crash. In fact, I had one last night. It's happened so much I feel that I'm as much an expert in dying in plane crashes as any living being can be. I'm not superstitious. I'm not afraid to fly. But on the off-hand chance this dream turns prophetic, I feel qualified enough to make a request for anyone unfortunate enough to be on that plane with me...

I don't mind the idea of dying in a plane crash. In my dreams, I've done it a thousand times under a thousand different conditions. In most instances, death is instantaneous and painless. The thing that does bother me is what happens during that final plummet. Yes it's terrifying. But please, for the love of God, what's with the screaming? I understand you're frightened. I understand you don't want to die. I'm coming to terms with that myself as is every other passenger on that plane. But while I'm facing my imminent demise looking out the window in absolute silence and stunned horror, you're ruining the last few moments of everyone else's existence with your incessant shrill chimpanzee-like shrieking.

You're going to die. Of what possible use is a last-minute vocal exercise going to serve other than to completely annoy everyone around you and make a terrible situation even more unbearable? We are all in shock. Our sense of time slows and our senses become sharper. Now is not the time to be yelling. I'm not a religious man; but I don't mind if you pray. I might even hold your hand. But please keep it within an acceptable decibel level. If your God is real, he isn't hard of hearing, and he's most certainly aware that the plane is going down. He apparently has a plan, and he's not going to change his mind on the basis of how loud you beg him to alter it. Besides, you have an eternal life to look forward to. Look at me... I'm an atheist, and I'm keeping my mouth shut. Superman doesn't exist, so I'm hoping you're not calling for him. Anyone who can help you is already busy trying.

All I'm asking for a bit of reverence so we may die in dignity. If you treat it like a f*****g roller coaster, I swear I'm going to punch you square in the kisser for depriving me of this... and I'm pretty sure I'll get away with it.


Things I Learned Saturday

Date: 2007-07-09, 7:00PM EDT


Things I Learned Saturday:

When you have to use the bathroom, do not let the dogs precede you into the room. Bathrooms are very small rooms and only have one door.

When the dogs knock you down while they attempt to exit the bathroom, do not fall on the toilet.Toilets can explode.

Dogs vanish when toilets explode.

You can move at lightspeed when shutting off the water line to a toilet that has exploded.

Porcelain is very sharp, and cuts on the palm of the hand bleed profusely.

Dog towels are good for soaking up blood.

Dog towels are also good for soaking up water that results from exploding toilets.

Plumbers cost $150 per hour, plus travel time, plus a new toilet and hardware.

If you laugh at the plumber’s prices, he will hang up on you.

Toilets at Lowes cost about $150.

Toilets at Lowes have names like “Parfait”, “Bouquet” and “Boudoir”.

It takes two people to carry a toilet.

Toilets are not too hard to replace. Just be careful, because porcelain is sharp.

You can save about 300 bucks if you replace the toilet yourself.

Dog towels are also good for wiping up the wax ring goo from underneath exploded toilets.

Yard sales are great places to buy dog towels.

You can get a dog towel at a yard sale for about 50 cents.

Best yard sale bargain on Saturday, July 7th, 2007: 6 dog towels for 3 bucks.

Final score: Toilet=0, Plumber=0, Dogs=1, Dog Towels=6.

How was your day?



To the potheads who took 1 of the 4 free patio chairs I posted on CL

Date: 2007-07-05, 11:36AM PDT


You two girls were amped up about the 4 free patio chairs that I posted on CL. You came over, wafting the aroma of the sticky-icky as you walked by, and sat in the chairs and decided that they were the chairs for you. My husband and I proceeded to pick them up to carry them out front when we were informed that you were driving a Honda Civic. Insisting that you could fit one chair in and then come back for the rest, you squeezed about 4 inches of the chair into the car as the passenger held on tight to the 90% of the chair that was dangling on the outside. Many months have since passed and we have yet to see you stoners again. In my mind, there are 4 likely reasons as to why we have not seen you girls again:

1) You simply forgot where you got the chair and why you even wanted it in the first place and have been mesmerized by an Abbazabba wrapper ever since.

2) You forgot that they were free and are currently piled (along with 3 or 4 friends) on the single chair, passing the dutch and laughing about how you got away with a free chair.

3) On your way home, you forgot where you lived and are still driving around with that **** chair dangling out the window. In which case, am willing to wait a little longer for you to find your way home because I'm certain that once you do, you'll come back for the rest.

4) You smoked the chair.

Either way, it is quite annoying having 3 chairs and I have found that it is much harder giving away a set of 3 than a set of 4. Admittedly, it will be hard to re-post these chairs because every time I see them I think of the two of you and wonder just what exactly became of that lone chair. I hope that whatever you did with it, it was well enjoyed.

Godspeed, you crazy potheads.
 
(a sad one)

One of my goldfish is dying. “Minnow,” the name I affectionately gave the fish 14 years ago when I was a kid, has been lying on the gravel for over a week now and everyday it struggles harder and harder to eat the red and yellow flakes I drop in. The water is clean, I’ve tried the antibiotics, and I’ve even talked to a couple of fish store employees about what I could do for it. It turns out there is not much I can do for this goldfish. And to tell you the truth, it’s making me sick in my heart.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. It’s just a fish. Fish get eaten and flushed down the toilette all the time. Aren’t we being just a little dramatic? Well, I have to admit that is a reasonable reaction, regardless of accruing 14 years of sentimentality as a pet owner.

But, there is another reason I am cut deep with an invisible pain every time a look at this 10-gallon tank. The fish’s companion, “Goldie,” the other 19-cent goldfish I purchased with Minnow well over a decade ago, is still as healthy as it was the day I bought it. However, ever since minnow started to die, Goldie has been--different. Goldie now just sits most of the time, next to its dying neighbor, always in physical contact. Whenever I go to drop in food, Goldie will spring up like a hunting trap and eat just like it always had, except now it will periodically pause and give Minnow a nudge or two as if telling it “come on, the food is here, you need to eat!”

After the meal, Goldie will always resume its post next to Minnow. And now, every time I pass that **** tank I see the same thing, two fish huddled together on the gravel, one fish upright, the other on its side, always touching, scale to scale. They seem to have a certain sadness in their eyes that is impossible to describe. And the hardest part is that I can’t do anything to help them.

Is this just all my imagination? Are my emotions getting in the way of rational thinking? Maybe. Are fish even capable of personality and attachment? I don’t know. I’m merely telling you what I’m observing and the way I feel about it.

Maybe there’s something to learn in this small tragedy. Perhaps two living things, whether they are humans, goldfish, or even trees, can establish emotional bonds so strong that it is our moral duty respect those bonds even though we lack the ability to understand them.

On the other hand, maybe it is my own sentimental bond to my dying pet fish that is somehow manifesting itself through my interpretation of the other fish in the tank. Either way, as juvenile as it may seem, I will still give my fish a proper burial when it passes on. Perhaps the surviving fish will serve as a reminder for me, to consider the relationships and bonds I have now and will have in the future. And these bonds, like a 19-cent feeder fish, will not be there forever.
 
That is soooo sad - This is one of the reasons I like AC, because only fish freaks like us understand the pain of losing a fish. And my fish (most of them, anyway) have definate personalities... I just lost both my pictus' to ICK (probably the treatment that killed them) and am taking today off work, because I was up all night with the fishes. Fortunately, even though they don't really understand why I am so attached to my fish, they understand that I am, and so I can take time off to tend to my fish. I just have to take some good humored teasing about the fishies...
 
All of them were very interesting reads, but the pothead one made me LOL.
 
wataugachicken said:
(a sad one)

One of my goldfish is dying. “Minnow,” the name I affectionately gave the fish 14 years ago when I was a kid, has been lying on the gravel for over a week now and everyday it struggles harder and harder to eat the red and yellow flakes I drop in. The water is clean, I’ve tried the antibiotics, and I’ve even talked to a couple of fish store employees about what I could do for it. It turns out there is not much I can do for this goldfish. And to tell you the truth, it’s making me sick in my heart.

Yes, I know what you’re thinking. It’s just a fish. Fish get eaten and flushed down the toilette all the time. Aren’t we being just a little dramatic? Well, I have to admit that is a reasonable reaction, regardless of accruing 14 years of sentimentality as a pet owner.

But, there is another reason I am cut deep with an invisible pain every time a look at this 10-gallon tank. The fish’s companion, “Goldie,” the other 19-cent goldfish I purchased with Minnow well over a decade ago, is still as healthy as it was the day I bought it. However, ever since minnow started to die, Goldie has been--different. Goldie now just sits most of the time, next to its dying neighbor, always in physical contact. Whenever I go to drop in food, Goldie will spring up like a hunting trap and eat just like it always had, except now it will periodically pause and give Minnow a nudge or two as if telling it “come on, the food is here, you need to eat!”

After the meal, Goldie will always resume its post next to Minnow. And now, every time I pass that **** tank I see the same thing, two fish huddled together on the gravel, one fish upright, the other on its side, always touching, scale to scale. They seem to have a certain sadness in their eyes that is impossible to describe. And the hardest part is that I can’t do anything to help them.

Is this just all my imagination? Are my emotions getting in the way of rational thinking? Maybe. Are fish even capable of personality and attachment? I don’t know. I’m merely telling you what I’m observing and the way I feel about it.

Maybe there’s something to learn in this small tragedy. Perhaps two living things, whether they are humans, goldfish, or even trees, can establish emotional bonds so strong that it is our moral duty respect those bonds even though we lack the ability to understand them.

On the other hand, maybe it is my own sentimental bond to my dying pet fish that is somehow manifesting itself through my interpretation of the other fish in the tank. Either way, as juvenile as it may seem, I will still give my fish a proper burial when it passes on. Perhaps the surviving fish will serve as a reminder for me, to consider the relationships and bonds I have now and will have in the future. And these bonds, like a 19-cent feeder fish, will not be there forever.
Click to expand...

I read that one. My fav was the "pothead looking for stoner boyfreind" ad on personals people are freakin amazing.
 
jessicar613 said:
wtf is a dog towel?? :confused:
Click to expand...

hahahaha...you must not have dogs as messy as mine :)

Dog towels are the raggity, dirt coloured or bleach spotted, clean smelling but stained with who-knows-what towels that are used to clean up after dogs. I swear I have a stack of them half a person high. The many uses include:

When poo scooping duty gets out of control and you end up with poo on your shoes and/or person.

To dry off wet dogs that come in out of the rain, mud, sleet, snow.

To use as liners in a carrying crate or a home-use crate/kennel.

To dry off the walls/floor/ceiling/toilet/counters/doors of your bathroom after giving the dogs a bath.

To dry the floor after a leaky dog couldn't wait the extra minute while you put on your tennis shoes in the wee hours of the morning.

To wipe up the drool off the floor after Thanksgiving dinner.

To put in the backseat of your car to keep muddy, sandy, or smelly dogs off the upholstery (this doesn't work, no matter how many times I try it. You'd think I would learn).

To wrap up a hot water bottle to place near a sick dog.

To clean up after said sick dog when he barfs on the new carpet.

To wrap newborn puppies in or to wrap a buried pet in.
 
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