Redneck Letter

captaincaveman9

captaincaveman9

Innocent and Pure!
Oct 2, 2006
1,222
2
38
51
Dallas, TX
Real Name
Steve
Dearest Redneck Son,

I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last West Virginia family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure about it. I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Billy Bob said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out.

Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle.

Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated, he burned for three days.

Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was d! riving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back. They drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down!

There isn't much more news at this time. Nothing much out of the normal has happened.

Your Favorite Aunt,
Mom
 
twisted.

i like it.
 
Thanks my brother sent this to me since I live in Alabama now
 
This Letter was taken from a movie, but I can't recall which movie, does somebody else know?

Here's Another.
A pretty blonde woman is driving down a country road in her new sports car when something goes wrong with the car and it breaks down. Luckily, she happens to be near a farmhouse. She goes up to the farmhouse and knocks on the door. When the farmer answers, she says to him, "Oh, it's Sunday night and my car broke down! I don't know what to do! Can I stay here for the night until tomorrow when I can get some help?

"Well," drawls the farmer, "you can stay here, but I don't want you messin' with my sons Jed and Luke." She looks through the screen door and sees two young men standing behind the farmer. She judges them to be in the early twenties. "Okay," she says.

After they have gone to bed for the night the woman begins to think about the two boys in the room next to her. So she quietly goes into their room and says, "Boys, how would you like for me to teach you the ways of the world?"

They say, "Huh?"

She says, "The only thing is, I don't want to get pregnant, so you have to wear these rubbers." She puts them on the boys, and the three of them go at it all night long.

Forty years later Jed and Luke are sitting on the front porch, rocking back and forth.

Jed says, "Luke?"

Luke says, "Yeah, Jed?"

Jed says, "You remember that blond woman that came by here about forty years ago and showed us the ways of the world?"

"Yeah," says Luke, "I remember."

"Well, do you care if she gets pregnant?" asks Jed.

"Nope," says Luke, "I reckon not."

"Me, neither," says Jed, "Let's take these things off."
 
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LMAO!!
 
Those are hilarious!! Sadly enough, I've run into alot of people who are really like that out here in North Carolina country. Really, truly. Then again, a farmer down the road is highly educated, his wife is an educator, his oldes son is a Rhodes Scholar, middle daughter at Carolina with multiple scholarships, and he spends alot of time thinking during the day while farming. A hard working man with a great sense of humor. Unfortunately, he has no brothers!!!!!!
 
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