when a friend goes wrong

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fishorama

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Jun 28, 2006
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SF Bay area, CA
:eek: our neighbor friend's small child loves our tanks. He, the dad, had an African cichlid tank years ago so he "knows what to do". So he bought a 5g tank & fish ASAP...No cycling I think...I asked & the fish are "fine". I'm almost sure there has been no testing of any kind...Gah!!

Guppies & danios, Oh my! He offered me the guppies (no thanks)...but I'm having a hard time skating between being too bossy (as some of you know I can be) & nice encouraging neighbor friend. This is very difficult & it doesn't help his wife is NOT a fish fan...tank is on their kitchen counter (a bit eww-ish even to me).

Mostly just complaining right now, I don't see a happy end to this any time soon...but I'd like to still be friends with them when things go pear shaped...& they will...Ugh!
 
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My rule, if you want to remain friends, would be to offer advice but not give it unless asked.

If you have any old magazines or something you could maybe see if he would like a read too.

unfortunately there's not going to be a good end either way until he asks for information or help though.
 
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Gotta get well versed in the sneaky methods of helping.

It's a tough situation, I've been there too.
Get a good book, or magazine or whatever and say you realized you had two of them and gift it to them.
If you get extra fast growing plants to at least help with nitrate levels and such, give them some and say you had too much of it.
Basically gift them the extra resources to do good on their own where you can.

It's never a fun position to be in, but best you can do is be kind about it, they'd be more willing to accept improvements in their care if you use kindness to help out--without coming off too strong or forward about it, which can hurt some people's egos when you don't intend to do that.
 
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I like the book idea & found I have basic 1 with lots of nice pictures. I like enouraging kids & books, maybe reading will help quell the shopping urge...not likely, lol

Both my husband & I offered plants but I think that's more than the neighbor wants to do (yet). I hope when things go wrong he won't be too embarrassed to ask for help. I have a feeling he'll do like so many & be overwhelmed googling. Sigh
 
I've been there too with neighbors. One was having all kinds of issues with a brand new tank as expected and didn't want advice. I gave them a sponge out of a little aqua clear 30 I had running and a bio bag of gravel and I told them to use the sponge in their filter and keep the sock in there for a month or so. She brought them back 3 days later. LOL.
 
LOL! I did offer filter media. His answer was he got a bigger filter than came with the tank (good). It has a protein skimmer(!), bio media, polyfiber, carbon. I said you don't really need carbon all the time. "Well, it helps with the smell"...I said weekly water changes help with that too as I'm sure he remembers & let it go...I wanted to offer to test the water but my kit is old so I didn't...It's probably been 20+ years since he kept fish...

Gently, gently. The child is only ~1.5yo, we've only met her mostly across the yards & once briefly in our house. Covid & premie kid issues has taken it's toll on our friendship. All adults are vaxxed, not sure what the "mask rule" is for tiny kids. Her mother is an MD, so whatever they say is fine...We're not great with babies anyway but I do like toddlers, until they have a melt down...TMI, sorry
 
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More likely a surface skimmer, not a protein skimmer.

I think they came on Seachem Tidal filters?

But just keep on as you are. Just focus your attentions on your own tanks (that don't smell)
 
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Well, maybe...but he got it at a mostly saltwater LFS...who knows? Neither will hurt...or help much...

No, I may have lighting & different algae issues, but no smells I can detect. The neighbors may be more sensitive...especially in the kitchen.
 
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dougall said:
More likely a surface skimmer, not a protein skimmer.

I think they came on Seachem Tidal filters?
Click to expand...

They sure do.

I've got a Seachem Tidal 110 on my 75gal. One of my gripes about it is most of the suction happens at the surface skimmer as opposed to the inlet tube. It has bias adjustment, but it's never worked very well on mine.
 
Possibly "offer up" an extra 10 gallon tank you may be getting rid of?
 
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