Comments heard on an airplane.
> >
> >
> > All too rarely, flight attendants make an effort to make the
in-flight
> > "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
> are
> >some
> > real examples that have been heard or reported by passengers:
> >
> >
> > On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit
> where
> >you
> > want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing,
> when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not
> picking out
> >furniture
> > here, find a seat and get in it!"
> >
> > On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
> crew,
the
> > pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
> altitude
and
> >will be
> > turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance
> > the appearance of your flight attendants."
> >
> > On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
> your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make
> sure it's something we'd like to have."
> >
> > There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
> ways
out
> > of this airplane"
> >
> > "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
> >giving
> > us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
> >
> > As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
> lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
> >
> > After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
> Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
> "Please take care
> >when opening
> > the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
> sure as
> >hell
> > everything has shifted."
> >
> > >From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
> Flight
> >245
> > to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
> the
> >buckle,
> > and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if
> you
> >don't
> > know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
> >unsupervised."
> >
> > "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
> descend
> >from
> > the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face.
> >If
> > you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
> before
> >assisting
> > with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child,
pick
> >your
> > favorite."
> >
> > Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
> but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember,
> >nobody
> > loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
> >
> > "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
> belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
> the flight
> >attendants.
> > Please do not leave children or spouses."
> >
> > And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
> >pleased
> > to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
> >Unfortunately,
> > none of them are on this flight!"
> >
> > Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
> Salt
Lake
> > City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
> was
> >quite a
> > bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
> >wasn't the
> > airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
> flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
> >
> > Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
> landing:
"We
> > ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
> the terminal."
> >
> > An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
> hammered
> >his
> > ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
> >required
> > the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
> exited,
> >smile,
> > and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in
light
> >of his bad
> > landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking
> > that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
> gotten
> >off
> > except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir,
> do
> >you mind if I ask
> > you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
> The
> >little old
> > lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
> >
> > Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank
> > you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
> the
> >insane
> > urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
> tube, we
> >hope you'll
> > think of US Airways."
> >
> > A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
> comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
> over
the
> > intercom,
> > "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight
> >Number
> > 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
> good
> >and,
> > therefore, we should have a smooth and
> > uneventful flight. So, sit back and relax..................OH, MY
GOD!"
> > Silence followed. After a few minutes, the captain came back on
> the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
> scared
you
> >earlier. While
> > I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled
> hot
> >coffee in
> > my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in
> Coach
> >yelled
> > out, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!!"
> >
> >
> >
> > All too rarely, flight attendants make an effort to make the
in-flight
> > "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here
> are
> >some
> > real examples that have been heard or reported by passengers:
> >
> >
> > On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit
> where
> >you
> > want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing,
> when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not
> picking out
> >furniture
> > here, find a seat and get in it!"
> >
> > On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant
> crew,
the
> > pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising
> altitude
and
> >will be
> > turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance
> > the appearance of your flight attendants."
> >
> > On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of
> your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make
> sure it's something we'd like to have."
> >
> > There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4
> ways
out
> > of this airplane"
> >
> > "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed
> >giving
> > us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
> >
> > As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Ronald Reagan, a
> lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
> >
> > After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in
> Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced,
> "Please take care
> >when opening
> > the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that,
> sure as
> >hell
> > everything has shifted."
> >
> > >From a Southwest Airlines employee: "Welcome aboard Southwest
> Flight
> >245
> > to Tampa. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into
> the
> >buckle,
> > and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if
> you
> >don't
> > know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public
> >unsupervised."
> >
> > "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will
> descend
> >from
> > the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your
face.
> >If
> > you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask
> before
> >assisting
> > with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child,
pick
> >your
> > favorite."
> >
> > Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds,
> but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and
remember,
> >nobody
> > loves you, or your money, more than Southwest Airlines."
> >
> > "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your
> belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among
> the flight
> >attendants.
> > Please do not leave children or spouses."
> >
> > And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta Airlines is
> >pleased
> > to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry.
> >Unfortunately,
> > none of them are on this flight!"
> >
> > Heard on Southwest Airlines just after a very hard landing in
> Salt
Lake
> > City: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That
> was
> >quite a
> > bump, and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it
> >wasn't the
> > airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the
> flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
> >
> > Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect
> landing:
"We
> > ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to
> the terminal."
> >
> > An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had
> hammered
> >his
> > ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which
> >required
> > the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers
> exited,
> >smile,
> > and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline." He said that, in
light
> >of his bad
> > landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye,
thinking
> > that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had
> gotten
> >off
> > except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir,
> do
> >you mind if I ask
> > you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
> The
> >little old
> > lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
> >
> > Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to
thank
> > you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get
> the
> >insane
> > urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal
> tube, we
> >hope you'll
> > think of US Airways."
> >
> > A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
> comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement
> over
the
> > intercom,
> > "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to
Flight
> >Number
> > 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is
> good
> >and,
> > therefore, we should have a smooth and
> > uneventful flight. So, sit back and relax..................OH, MY
GOD!"
> > Silence followed. After a few minutes, the captain came back on
> the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
> scared
you
> >earlier. While
> > I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled
> hot
> >coffee in
> > my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in
> Coach
> >yelled
> > out, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!!"
> >
