sister put me in bad situation, what do I tell my parents?

if I tell my parents, she will probably be made to take senior year over again (she is barily getting by) and she will probably be sent to live with my grandmother in complete Arizonian isloation for a few months. Is it worth ruining her life, making her hate me, and possibly making my parent's life hell, over what she did? Or should I keep it to that she had guys over in her room, becuse she'll get in a lot of trouble for that alone.

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Not knowing your Parents It's hard to make the call, but it sounds to me as if you feel the right thing to do is tell your parents. As a general rule I have found that doing what we know is right is the best option. Explore your feelings, If you feel you need to tell your parents because it is the right thing to do then go with it even if it's painful. If there is some other negative motivation such as revenge (Doesn't sound like that's the case) then I'd take some more time to think about things.

It also sounds like she could use a good wake up call, you would not be ruining her life, you'd be allowing your parents to do what they feel is best for her and that is a parents Right and responsibility.
Whatever you do Remember that she put herself in the situation, and you being honest and trustworthy does not leave room for you to take on any blame for the consequences of your sisters actions. She may try to blame you but that is her issue. The fact that your sister was irresponsible when someone else in the home was depending on her is really a bad thing. She is also setting a really poor example for your younger sister and you have her future to consider as well.

All in all do what you know is right, and do not be ashamed of the effect it has. Life is tough in this way, but you cannot allow yourself to feel guilty for doing what is right.
Dave

Just tell your parents.

But, I do have an unbearing hatred for my sister. Even though she is better now than what she used to be.

Whew! On the horns of a dilemma, huh? First let me qualify this by stating that this is just my opinion and I'm getting on in years and was raised with a different set of values than kids today.

You should remember that there were two sisters involved that night, besides you. One sister had no control whatsoever and was relying one another to look after her well being. The second sister decided it would be a good idea to party and have drugs in the house with her 11 year old sister there. What happens next time?

While the one sister may get angry with you for telling the truth, the other will be the beneficiary and will probably thank you later.

Before I climb down off my soap box I want to say this: in my opinion, once again, the only thing that each of us can really control is who we are as individuals and our own personal integrity. At the end of the day, the one looking out of the mirror is you.

Mark

In these sorts of situations its tough. You really have to think though... a LOT of people drink and smoke pot these days... it doesn't mean they are, or turn out to be, horrible people and ruin their lives.

People experiment, especially teens. You gotta hope that she will grow out of this stage in her life... I know some people get into worse situations, but try to remember that it IS a stage in her life, she made a bad call.

Maybe you should tell her that you don't appreciate the situation she put you in, and that you don't want to have to rat her out to your parents, but if she keeps up the poor behaviour, you might have to resort to letting your parents know.

My sister pretty much did the same thing to me. I made bad choices, didn't think of the consequences, and she pretty much just reminded me of them. It took a while, but I did get out of that stage of my life. I'm glad I had the experiences, even if they were bad ones.

Ultimately, it is your call. It's not fair for you to feel guilt from hiding it from your parents. If your sister didn't want to serve the consequences then she shouldn't have done it; at least not infront of you to put you in a bad spot.

I don't know if this helps at all, but just remember that it shouldn't be something that affects your relationship with your parents; you didn't do anything wrong, so don't let it eat away at you.

I agree with the statement that she was placed in charge of the well being of your little sister. Can you imagine what could have happened?? High/drunk guys running around the house with a small girl there? Let alone the stupidity of your sister with the two of them alone.

I have seen quite a few people ruin their entire lives by starting early on those kinds of behaviors, and it is not a nice thing to watch. Wake up calls could have helped but they never got any.

If it were me, I'd tell my parents. But I would also trust that THEY would make the proper call. They are the ones deciding what to be done. They need to understand the whole experimentation thing and all that jazz. And I agree that your sister put herself in the situation, ruined your trust, ruined your parents, put your sister in potential danger, etc etc. And then she makes you feel guilty for her actions? I don't think so!

Don't tell your parents. . Well, do what you feel is right, but if I were in your shoes, I wouldn't. 17 is a tough age, and it is a time to experience and screw things up on your own. She is lucky that she has a sister that can help guide her in the right direction. A lot of people don't even have that.

if you tell your parents and she gets sent off, imagine the toll it'll take on her life, and on your relationship with her. Tell her off, make her realize what she did was very wrong.. The alcohol, the drugs, boys in her room, all while your little sister is downstairs is awful, but, it happens. We were all young and stupid. Well, maybe not all of us, but I've certainly been there, and I turned out OK (which isn't an excuse, but...)

I wouldn't tell, as long as she understands that this really is an issue that bothers you, (as it should) and it won't happen again!. I do think that sending her off, and repeating a year of school is a little rough though .

Try to keep a trusting bond with your sister... Just make her realize that stuff like that won't happen again.


That's just the way I see it.

Well, that's why I say its ultimately up to her parents as to what to actually do. The current projected situations seems quite harsh for a first offense. But if she's already barely passing school...with these other problems which I doubt are occuring for the first time because of how it happened...then I don't know, it seems like she's on the wrong path and didn't just "mess up this one time". Plus, after you told her to quit it and get them gone, she continued drinking.

I dont know, I just always wonder what would have happened if they'd been dumb enough to get in the car and go somewhere...and they'd have probably grabbed your sister so as not to leave her home alone. Eesh. I don't know, maybe my high school area had just a few too many fatal accidents from underage drinking.

And I'm not saying all this out of inexperience with a younger sister. A few weeks back I had to tell my parents about some seriously questionable content on my sis's myspace account (darn that site). It was hard but I know it was the right thing to do and my parents had a little chat with her and have since just been watching her more closely.

I don't know you or your family but I can comment from personal experience. Your sister sounds a lot like my brother was. My brother was drinking alot and smoking pot which was taking a toll on his grades and his attitude. My brother has always been a difficult person to be around, he is generally a negative person and he is rarely away from his computer but he was getting even worse. Now my parents are not bad parents by any means, I am the oldest child in the family and I was brought up to be a polite, respectful, confident, and happy person.
Now I don’t know if this is an option for your sister but my parents got my brother help through counseling. He has been going for about 3 years now and it is the best thing that has ever happened to him. It has really helped him get his life back on track and while he is still not real easy to live with, things are much better then what they were. Sometimes though, we want our family members to like us as though we are their best friend. But, IMO, family members have to be above that. They need to step forward when someone’s life is tumbling out of control and shake them in to reality. There is a lot more at stake then your sister liking you or not. There is her health and her life as well as your younger sister who is extremely impressionable right now. One of my younger sisters has roughly the same personality as my brother but because my parents didn’t let my brother continue down the path he was heading she has seen that they won’t let her fall into that track and she is developing differently then he did.
This isn’t an easy thing to deal with and there is no quick solution. These things take time and require work, but the pay off is worth it. My brother is an incredibly humorous guy and I know that I would have missed out on a lot of laughs if he were still drinking and smoking pot, plus who knows what other drugs he might have moved on to.
She has put herself in this situation. She made the choices that lead her to this spot. She is breaking the law and she knows it. She has also broken the trust between you and between your parents. Your parents need to know that it is not safe to leave her in charge of your sister. If you are worried about telling them exactly what happened then why not just tell them you are worried about your sister and you want them to help her get help. There are lots of private councilors she can see but there are also lots of group meetings she can go to. I would also recommend not sending her out to live with your aunt in isolation only because by doing that she will feel abandoned and right now in her life, whether she knows it or not and even if she is pushing away, she shouldn’t be abandoned. Family support is one of the most important things we have.
While she might get better on her own I wouldn’t count on it. I would suggest getting her help because things like this can spiral out of control. I have seen countless people I have gone to school with be consumed by drugs and it all started with alcohol and pot.
Whether you tell your parents exactly what happened that night is really irrelevant but what is important is that you get your sister help. It is not the time to be your sister’s friend; it is time to be that strong person in her life that can push her to help herself even if she can’t see it right now. Sorry this was so long but it is something that very closely affected my family

Lauren how old are you?

Lets see...
-smoking pot is illegal
-underage drinking is illegal
-what would dad say about 2 boys in the house doing both of the above?

Your sister needs a slap in the face with the cold fish of reality. If you can't do it, turn the job over to your parents. Ultimately, its their responsibility. The repercussions (repeating school, being sent to AZ) should have nothing to do with the fact that she was way out of bounds. When you two get older, she'll see you were right in telling. Its ok to tell little white lies to cover your siblings, but I don't consider this a little incident. Smoking a cigarette or drinking a beer I consider marginal, but she's bordering on full rebellion.

I've done similar in the past, but surely not in Dad's house, with a kid sister downstairs! My dad would have knocked me into 2007 if he'd found out. ...and my older sister would have been all over that. She'd be waiting by the door when the parents came home....or calling them on the phone. If nothing else, respect your parents by respecting your house, the house rules, and the responsibility they give you. If your sister doesn't have either of the above, its now time for her to learn their importance.

Its lesson time.