The loss of a loved one.

[BreezeRuehls]

After 6 years fighting for her life I have to say goodbye to my mother. She went into the ER last night with her tummy distended to the point she looked 8 months pregnant. The CT scan came back with the ugly news. "All of your soft tissues, and bones are covered with cancer. Her bowels are blocked and there is nothing we can do for her. She has a few days at the most, we can only make her comfortable." My heart sank, I could not hold back the sobbing. Looking across the bed is my father, who has been at her side fighting for her day and night. I had never seen him in such despair. My mom is seeking the refuge death will bring from the pain. But I cant let her go.


How do you deal with this? I am feeling like I want to die inside.
__________________

 

[cam191919]

Im so sorry

 

[LiL GinGeR]

i am very sorry to hear about your mother. i wouldnt know what to do in that situation either.

 

[bukkits]

I am truly sorry to hear that. I can tell you from experience that it doesnt get easier If you fight the emotions. i know you dont want to let her go, but consider this, for her sake the pain is gone. you Dont have to let her go, you only need to come to an understanding with the grief.
You should look at it as a part of her life and honor her for the joy and fond memories she has given you and your family. by all means cry, sob and grieve. But also remember her and smile at all that she has given to you and yours, she will never be gone because she is imprinted in the hearts of those who knew and loved her. Her memory is as strong now as it will be time from now.
Celebrate her life, find joy that she was able to live and join in all of life's gifts.
the pain will never really go away, but it will fade as you begin to remember her as she was in life.


I wasnt going to go here but... Here it is...
My ma passed last year from cancer, for the last 16months of her life her image changed greatly,when i think of her now i remember how she looked throughout life, it helps trust me. Go through the sad parts, but NEVER forget the good.
My heart goes out to you!

 

[Stargazer53]

Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother. I know this is going to be difficult but you should try to remain as calm as possible for the baby. If your mother's stomach is swollen to point that she looks 8 months pregnant, just imagine the agony and pain she must be feeling internally. Try to make peace with this reality by knowing that the pain, the agony, and the distress that your mother is going through is coming to an end. I don't know if you will be going to Cali to see her, but the best thing you and your family can do is spend as much time as possible with her and reflect upon what a great life you all have had together.

I actually feel really terrible right now because I cannot even imagine losing my mother and cannot fathom how you must feel. My mother has been my rock, my sustenance, provider of warmth, love, and nurture, and she's always been the person whom I can turn to. I don't know if you're a fan of Christina Aguilera or not but I always think about my mother when I hear the song "I Turn To You".

It's hard to say goodbye; especially when it's someone so important. I don't know what to say....it's hard trying to sum up and experience and share all that you wanted to in just a few days. I don't know if your family is religious, but I would see if you can get a religious leader (pastor, rabbi, iman, priest - according to your beliefs) to make a visit to say a prayer that you all could do as a family. I would definitely spend every waking moment with your dear mother, and I'm guilty of this too, but tell your mother everything you've wanted to say and would've wanted to say to her - let her know how much she means to you and just.....love. Make memories - take photos - share kisses and celebrate her life. I don't know how bad her condition is and if she's bed-ridden, but if she's physically-able, ask her what she wants to do and if there's any particular place or particular activity she wants to do. If she wants to eat anything? Maybe something from that ice cream parlor you and your mother may have gone to since you were a child? Something sentimental.

I'm so sorry......I don't know what else to say. I am sincerely sincerely sorry and I'll be praying for you, your mother, and your family. God bless you all.

 

[rainbowcharmer]

I don't think there is ever any easy way to deal with the death of a loved one. Everybody grieves differently, and there is no one set in stone way to get through it. First priority is that you need to take care of yourself and your family - even when it seems easier to just stay in bed.

We lost my grandpa a few months ago to cancer that spread more quickly than anyone expected it to. He left this world surrounded by all his children (8 of them) and my grandma, who spent nearly 70 years of her life with him. They celebrated their 67th wedding anniversary just a week before he passed away. She has struggled since his passing, and the two daughters (my mom and aunt) that live nearby have been making sure that she takes care of herself, because sometimes she won't do it on her own. I can't fathom what she must be going through after spending so much of her life with someone and now being without them. I think that sometimes just getting through the daily necessities of life is part of the process of healing. It's important to realize that those who are left behind need to care for each other and see each other through.

Many blessings to you and your family and my sincerest sympathy at this difficult time in your (and your family's) life. I hope that you are able to remember the fond memories more so than the sad ones, and that you are able to allow yourself to grieve as you need to.

 

[Somervell]

I am so sorry to hear that you and your family are experiencing this sadness. It is hard to know what to do or say in a case like this, except that you are being thought of and cared about by many people on this forum, who are sending love your way.

 

[pinkertd]

Breeze I am so sorry for you and for everyone who loves your mother and is losing her. Letting a family member go is never easy, even when it is best for them to be pain free and at peace. One day at a time. It is a slow heart healing process, I lost my father last year. The hardest part for me was that I hadn't awakened my father before I left his bedside that last night, I let him stay sleeping. When he awoke he asked for me and I wasn't there and he died before I could get back. And I will miss him until the day I die. Fond lifetime memories will replace the pain and tears...in time. My thoughts are with you during this painful time.

 

[FISHSHROD]

Hang in there Breeze , be strong .

 

[Kashta]

After 6 years fighting for her life I have to say goodbye to my mother. She went into the ER last night with her tummy distended to the point she looked 8 months pregnant. The CT scan came back with the ugly news. "All of your soft tissues, and bones are covered with cancer. Her bowels are blocked and there is nothing we can do for her. She has a few days at the most, we can only make her comfortable." My heart sank, I could not hold back the sobbing. Looking across the bed is my father, who has been at her side fighting for her day and night. I had never seen him in such despair. My mom is seeking the refuge death will bring from the pain. But I cant let her go.


How do you deal with this? I am feeling like I want to die inside.
__________________

Breeze, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. All I can say is even when you know it's coming and it's reached a point where even death itself becomes a blessing to end the loved one's suffering.... we still dont let go. That family member is taken away from us.

Hold on to the comfort you get from the fact that she will be at peace then in a better place, the cherished memories you'll always still have of her, the strength and support you have from your family and friends, and knowing how very lucky you were to have that relationship with her in your life all along.

I wish there were easy answers to give you.... there just aren't any shortcuts to the grieving process you and the rest of your family will go through together once she is gone and at rest. You just have to get through this the best you can - and that's what you'll do. Time is all there is to slowly lessen the loss and saddness you feel.