Baby stuff...do I really need it all???

[mishi8]

Best purchases: quality breast pump (Avent Isis is excellent, as is Medela brand), with a couple of compatible bottles for breastmilk storage...Avent bottles are great, plus you can freeze milk and homemade baby food right in the bottles. Bravado nursing bras for the first few months, infant car seat, good stroller, best quality high chair you can afford (it will be used for a long time...I really like my Peg Perego Prima Pappa)...look for few nooks and crannies...makes it easier to clean. If you're considering cloth diapers, get the best you can afford. I loved using Mother-Ease terry cloth diapers. A sling...good for newborn through toddlerhood! Baby Bjorn or Baby Trekker carrier are the best carriers...most comfortable and easy to use.

The biggest waste of money for us was a crib. Out of three kids, we got maybe 15 months total use out of it. We slept with our babies, and then introduced them to their own beds at about 13 months. If you do get a crib (as most people do!) get some layering pads. They are placed under the crib sheets...you can put down a pad and then a sheet, and then layer another pad and then a sheet...that way, when the first sheet gets wet or dirty, you can strip off the top layer and there is already a clean sheet in place.

Also didn't bother with a swing or playpen. IMHO, it's better to thoroughly childproof your home than put a baby into a playpen. Did like the exersaucer though...it worked well for my shower time...it fit right into the bathroom. Also like our "Gyminy" by Tiny Love.

Do get lots of receiving blankets and flat cloth diapers, for many uses (swaddling baby, cleaning up messes, etc). Lots of onesies and sleepers for the first 3 months...you won't believe how many clothes a baby can go through in a day! But get a variety of sizes...too big is okay since baby may be big to begin with, and they grow so fast! My third baby was 9lbs 12oz, and she was out of newborn size within a week. :lol:

Don't bother with a Diaper Genie...it's one more way to get you to spend more $ unnecessarily with replacing the special plastic inserts. It also ends up preserving your diapers in a "plastic sausage" for all eternity. Easier and cheaper to toss dirty/wet dipes in a plastic grocery bag to toss out...just empty the garbage frequently to elminate odours. BTW, Breastfed baby poop doesn't smell bad. Breastfeed exclusively for 6 months, and you can avoid foul-smelling dipes for a good stretch of time. Once you start solids or formula, it starts to get stinky. :lol:

Books, books and more books. Read to your baby constantly. Read to them in utero (my eldest recognized Dr. Seuss's ABC book when he was born...and now, at 7 yo, he's a voracious reader.) Same goes for music. Plus consider a good gliding/rocking chair...invaluable for breastfeeding (oh, don't forget a good nursing pillow too), story time, fussy nights.

mishi8

Edit: A couple more things: A changing table is not necessary. Can be handy if you have the space, but changing baby on the floor is just as easy, and baby can't roll off. Get a good diaper bag. I found, of all the bags I ended up owning, a backpack worked best. Also liked having little waterproof bags handy for storing wet items (I cloth diapered and especially needed them for toting wet dipes home, but they're good for storing clothes that get wet or dirty.)

 

[mishi8]

suffocation due to co-sleeping usually happens when the adult is under the influence of drugs or alcohol or when someone other than mom is sleeping with the baby, however, IMO you don't want the baby physically in your bed because then it's really hard to get them out of your bed when they're like four. Believe me, I know. I couldn't stand for them to sleep in another room though because I wanted to be able to sit up in bed and see them. Also I was just too darn tired to walk to another room constantly.

It's a myth that it's hard to get your baby out of your bed. I've done it 3 times now with no issues, and it was well before they were four. All my kids are still welcome in our bed as the need arises. There are big pluses to sleeping with your babies:
1) The risk of SIDS is actually lower because baby sleeping with mom helps to regulate breathing.
2) Much easier to breastfeed on demand, plus you don't interrupt your own sleep as much (don't have to get out of bed, and can dose off as baby nurses.)
3) Baby gets maximum contact with parents to develop bond, and creates a nuturing atmosphere
4) Babies naturally want and need to sleep with mom...putting a baby into a crib forces them to become independent before they are ready, and that can contribute to issues with clinginess and dependence when they are older
5) You're right there if baby is sick, and can attend to their needs readily
6) Baby doesn't have to cry to be fed or changed...they remain calm and fall back to sleep easily.

 

[Larissa]

Actually, yes my four year stayed in my bed, that's why I said that so it's not completely a myth lol. But yes, as my son breastfed for the first ten months it was much easier for us to keep him in bed with us. More sleep for me. However, it was very hard to get one-on-one time with my husband and my son did not want to transition into his own bed b/c he was used to getting to snuggle with us. I'm now trying to get my two year old to sleep in his own bed since we have another baby on the way. I intend to use our crib this time but have it right next to the bed.

 

[mishi8]

Actually, yes my four year stayed in my bed, that's why I said that so it's not completely a myth lol. But yes, as my son breastfed for the first ten months it was much easier for us to keep him in bed with us. More sleep for me. However, it was very hard to get one-on-one time with my husband and my son did not want to transition into his own bed b/c he was used to getting to snuggle with us. I'm now trying to get my two year old to sleep in his own bed since we have another baby on the way. I intend to use our crib this time but have it right next to the bed.

Yes, it can be hard to get that one-on-one time, but that is just as much because of on-demand breastfeeding...otherwise, if you're creative, that alone time doesn't have to be in the bedroom, and can be way more fun it if's not. I breastfed all three of my kids on-demand for two years each, which means they slept with me continually for that length of time (and two of them nursed every two hours at night), and then really moved into (stayed in) their own beds once they were weaned. Alternatively, I know a number of people that have co-sleeping arrangements, even with their older kids (not for everyone!), where everyone essentially sleeps in one room with lots of beds. Their attitude is "as long as everyone sleeps, it doesn't matter where!" and it works well.

 

[aknif]

I've been watching this thread for a couple of days now and I feel like I have to write. Mishi8, you said in an earlier post that you introduced your kids to their own beds at 13 months, and then later, you said they slept with you exclusively until at least 2 since they were fed on demand?? Which one is it? I have two kids, and both of them were nursed on demand and slept with me for the first 6 months, after that, they were both still nursed, but they were "introduced" to their own beds in their own rooms, which DID require letting them "cry it out" for a few nights. I'm sorry, but toddlers are very, uh, opinionated little people and I just have a hard time believing that you had 3 children snuggling in bed with you for 13 - 24 months and then they all went happily skipping off into their own beds without a fight. And I'd love to know how often it is that they still join you in your bed "as the need arises"? Is that 2 or 4 or 6 times a week?

I just want to say, to the new moms out there, that there is no one "right" way to rear a child. Breastfeeding is best, we all know that, but it's not an option for some women and they shouldn't be faulted for that. They don't love their kids any less. Co-sleeping might work for some people long term, but as Dr. Phil says, your marriage has to come first. If you have two parents who welcome kids in the bed all the time, great! Have at it! That's your choice! But if one, or BOTH parents don't appreciate the "visitor", then your marriage has to come first, and your child will NOT be scarred for life because they slept in their own bed... My husband also wanted me to cloth diaper, and I did for about two weeks, and then I said NO MORE. We even had a diaper service, and I didn't like the hassle!

I'd even go so far as to advise new mom's NOT to join those I-village or Parentcenter chat boards! I used to frequent them, but got tired of these militant women who'd tell people crap like "If you don't breastfeed for 2+ years, you're not a fit parent. If you don't buy THIS particular car seat, your kid's gonna die in a wreck someday. If you don't cloth diaper your kids, you're going to give them cancer. If you don't let them sleep in your bed, you're going to scar them for life." It's horrible. We're all Moms, we should respect each other's options and opinions.

 

[Larissa]

I agree with Aknif that the marriage has to come first. Luckily for the most part my husband doesn't mind the kids in the bed. He likes to cuddle with them too. Of course what Mishi said about being creative with alone time is true too. But even though co-sleeping was easier for us, I'm with my kids all day long and not my husband. It's really really difficult to have time with just him. I would at least like to sleep with him without a 2 year old between us.

 

[mishi8]

I've been watching this thread for a couple of days now and I feel like I have to write. Mishi8, you said in an earlier post that you introduced your kids to their own beds at 13 months, and then later, you said they slept with you exclusively until at least 2 since they were fed on demand?? Which one is it? I have two kids, and both of them were nursed on demand and slept with me for the first 6 months, after that, they were both still nursed, but they were "introduced" to their own beds in their own rooms, which DID require letting them "cry it out" for a few nights. I'm sorry, but toddlers are very, uh, opinionated little people and I just have a hard time believing that you had 3 children snuggling in bed with you for 13 - 24 months and then they all went happily skipping off into their own beds without a fight. And I'd love to know how often it is that they still join you in your bed "as the need arises"? Is that 2 or 4 or 6 times a week?

Just because I didn't write in full detail doesn't mean the process was as simplistic as you're making it out to be. I also didn't use the word "exclusively." Yes, my kids got introduced to their own beds at 13 months. That means the crib was finally just put away (and yes, it was rarely used), and they had a small bed set up. For my first child, that bed was in our room, and then moved to his own room closer to 2yo. Doesn't mean they actually slept in that bed all the time. I would put them down in the bed after nursing to sleep, and then they would come to bed with me when I finally went to bed. So, yes, they slept with me all night.

I also didn't say they went "happily skipping off into their own beds." But we had no "fights" either. Teaching them to sleep on their own didn't happen overnight, it was a very gradual process, and they were never refused the opportunity to come to my bed if they needed to. We also worked harder at getting them used to sleeping on their own when I was pregnant with the next baby, so they were used to their own space and didn't feel pushed aside when baby arrived. This included getting them used to Dad attending to them more often at night. FWIW, I had planned on tandem nursing with #1 and #2, which would probably have meant two kids in our bed at the same time, but had to wean during pregnancy because nursing was physically uncomfortable. Even so, I often had an infant and a toddler in bed with us for the first few months.

I do not support "crying it out" for young babies. It just teaches them that they can't count on you to meet their needs. Toddlers, on the other hand, are able to understand more. It's far easier to teach a toddler to sleep on their own than an infant. That's where routine is really important...for us, reading bedtime stories was a great tool for making going to bed an experience to look forward to.

As for how often they join us now, it depends on what issues have come up. Most of the time, my youngest doesn't come to our bed. But when she's having problems with eczema and scratching at night, she tends to come to our bed early in the morning (like 4 am). My older kids don't come to our bed much at all. There may be the odd nightmare, or feeling ill when they ask to cuddle. It's usually not for a whole night though, but just for some one-on-one attention. My point was that we don't refuse them, they get to join us if they need to. My kids are very secure in their independence, and part of that is knowing that we're there for them always.

We're all Moms, we should respect each other's options and opinions.

I don't consider your rude, probing questions about my parenting methods to be respectful. I didn't tell anyone they were wrong, just presented an alternative. Maybe I pushed a few buttons making you question your methods?

 

[aknif]

LOL, hardly... I don't question my parenting methods or choices. I never have. I do what works for my family, you do what works for yours. That is all I was telling the new moms on here to do.

What turned me off is the tone you took with Larissa when she commented that it's hard to get kids out of your bed once they start there. That was her experience, and that was my experience too. It also appears to be the experience of many, many Mom's out there, otherwise it wouldn't be the huge debate that it is. "It's a myth that it's hard to get your baby out of your bed....." Maybe it's that our definitions of "hard" are a bit different. I would call it "hard" to spend every night for months talking a 2 year old into sleeping in a different room than they've spent the first two years of their life in... Or walking them back to their rooms multiple times in the middle of the night.

I don't know about your kids, but for my 2 year old, she also had mild eczema for a while, and if she had figured out that all it would take to get to sleep with Mommy and Daddy was to scratch at her face a bit, she'd have been at our bedside every single night...

 

[mishi8]

LOL, hardly... I don't question my parenting methods or choices. I never have. I do what works for my family, you do what works for yours. That is all I was telling the new moms on here to do.

Certainly, families need to do what works for them, but it's good to know that there are alternatives ways/choices of parenting...it doesn't have to be the mainstream way, and it doesn't have to be anybody's business what you choose to do.

What turned me off is the tone you took with Larissa when she commented that it's hard to get kids out of your bed once they start there. That was her experience, and that was my experience too. It also appears to be the experience of many, many Mom's out there, otherwise it wouldn't be the huge debate that it is. "It's a myth that it's hard to get your baby out of your bed....." Maybe it's that our definitions of "hard" are a bit different. I would call it "hard" to spend every night for months talking a 2 year old into sleeping in a different room than they've spent the first two years of their life in... Or walking them back to their rooms multiple times in the middle of the night.

You know, I don't think my "tone" was out of line, and the tone was no different that with her comment: "suffocation due to co-sleeping usually happens when the adult is under the influence of drugs or alcohol or when someone other than mom is sleeping with the baby" in response to Nursie. I was responding to Larissa's statement to not let you kids sleep in your bed, because it's difficult to get them out. That happens to be one in a long list of things most people say when they warn you not to sleep with your kids. I apologize to Larissa if my tone seemed otherwise, but I was not criticizing her experience, just making it clear that it's not always that way. I happen know a lot of people who have had positive experiences with co-sleeping, myself included. IME, those who warn you not to co-sleep haven't tried it themselves (and I know that that's not the case with Larissa), and are just repeating what they've heard, perpetuating the myths that are out there.

Our definitions of "hard" may be different, but I didn't "talk" my kids into sleeping on their own, and didn't walk them back to their rooms multiple times a night. If they walked into my room at night, they were welcome to join me in my bed. Gradually, over time, they slept longer on their own, and stopped joining us as frequently. If anything was hard, it was the weaning process, because I weaned them more when I was ready to, rather than when they were really ready.

I don't know about your kids, but for my 2 year old, she also had mild eczema for a while, and if she had figured out that all it would take to get to sleep with Mommy and Daddy was to scratch at her face a bit, she'd have been at our bedside every single night...

Are you suggesting my daughter is manipulating the situation to sleep with me? FYI, she doesn't need to manipulate, because she is welcome to be with me. She happens to have severe eczema on most of her body, and when it flares up, she has trouble sleeping and scratches until she bleeds. We're counting the days, now, until we finally get to see the skin specialist (we've been waiting for months to get in) to get to the root of the problem.

 

[aknif]

Mishi, I am not at all suggesting that your daughter is manipulating her condition. I did not mean that at all, and I am sorry that she's got it so bad. My younger daughter only had it mildly on her face, arms and chest, and thankfully it's gone now... But children DO manipulate. All children manipulate. They are the center of their own worlds for several years, and they will do what it takes to get what they want. I'm sure you've seen the 3 year old ask Mom for that extra slice of cake, Mom says no, they'll go ask Dad... and then Grandma, and then anyone else who happens to be around, to get what they want. All I was saying is that, for my daughters, if they knew a way to get to sleep with Mom and Dad, they'd do it, every single night.

When my children are sick or have a bad dream, I go into their rooms. After all, my husband does have to work in the morning, and there's no need for BOTH of us to be up all night. If they're sick, I'll sleep in their room with them. If they have a bad dream, I'll tuck them back in and sit with them a while, talk to them about it, rub their backs, whatever until they're calm enough to go back to sleep.

Parenting is the toughest job ever. All I advise is for parents to do what works for their family... Honestly, no matter what you do, there's always going to be SOMEONE disagreeing with you anyway! Whether it's your Mom, your Grandma, your Daycare lady or some chick on a fish chat board!