Scientists Baffled By Spate Of Fish Deaths

By EBB SLIMECOAT
North Sea Associated Press
A recent rise in the mortality of aquarium fish has scientists baffled. Over the last several days, owners of aquariums the world over have been experiencing extremely high losses. Some are blaming global warming but others relate the phenomenon to a newly popularized fad known as "purple string with rock" that originated in Canada at the Land of Pets store.
Local fishkeeper (name withheld by request) had this to say, "I came home and my giant gourami had tied one end of the string to it's neck and jumped out of the tank. The rock on the other end of the string kept him hanging in the air, I didn't think he was that unhappy in the undersized, poorly maintained home I made for him... It was supposed to be a toy for him to play with but he used it to end his own life..."
Others have blamed the color of the string used to make the deadly toy. As explained by one Costa Rican scientist, "Purple is a very depressing color to fish. It is a symbol of unhappiness, much like some people relate the color black in western cultures or white in eastern cultures to death, purple symbolizes the same in underwater cultures. The fish would prefer green, like plants, because it symbolizes healthy water and growing things like plants."
Meanwhile, police have been swamped investigating the cases. Police have recommended removing rock with string of any kind from fish possession and also suggest keeping a closer than usual eye on fish behavior to make sure there is no rock with string abuse going on. "We all know what comes next if this rock with string thing gets out of hand" says constable Newark of Toronto, "If we don't slow down rock with string, pretty soon we'll be looking at multiple cases of brick with stick, and nobody wants that."

By EBB SLIMECOAT
North Sea Associated Press
A recent rise in the mortality of aquarium fish has scientists baffled. Over the last several days, owners of aquariums the world over have been experiencing extremely high losses. Some are blaming global warming but others relate the phenomenon to a newly popularized fad known as "purple string with rock" that originated in Canada at the Land of Pets store.
Local fishkeeper (name withheld by request) had this to say, "I came home and my giant gourami had tied one end of the string to it's neck and jumped out of the tank. The rock on the other end of the string kept him hanging in the air, I didn't think he was that unhappy in the undersized, poorly maintained home I made for him... It was supposed to be a toy for him to play with but he used it to end his own life..."
Others have blamed the color of the string used to make the deadly toy. As explained by one Costa Rican scientist, "Purple is a very depressing color to fish. It is a symbol of unhappiness, much like some people relate the color black in western cultures or white in eastern cultures to death, purple symbolizes the same in underwater cultures. The fish would prefer green, like plants, because it symbolizes healthy water and growing things like plants."
Meanwhile, police have been swamped investigating the cases. Police have recommended removing rock with string of any kind from fish possession and also suggest keeping a closer than usual eye on fish behavior to make sure there is no rock with string abuse going on. "We all know what comes next if this rock with string thing gets out of hand" says constable Newark of Toronto, "If we don't slow down rock with string, pretty soon we'll be looking at multiple cases of brick with stick, and nobody wants that."
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