Monogamy?

[aquariumfishguy]

Well with the topic of monogamy, also comes is the issue of religion and your personal morals and ethics.

This is why I said in my original post that it is a VERY hard topic to debate, but much worth questioning. In the end, it is up to you as a person to decide for yourself what is right. I'm not sure if monogamous relationships are dying out, or on the increase (there are probably studies somewhere)... but I'm not someone who cares about what is the norm for anything. Do what you feel is best!

 

[125gJoe]

Here I open myself to bashing. .... .....
btw "get something done" was reference to any number of projects ....!

Don't you mean "Git 'er Done!"? ...

 

[nursie]

Beviking....I have to agree...some people, and I will say it's not just men...are "wired" to be monogamous and some are not.
Now how that wiring got to be that way is up for debate: is it a genetic behavior as with the statement that men aren't mongamous by nature, or is it a learned behavior influenced by culture and enviroment. I tend to believe the latter.
I've been married...to the same guy for 23 years. I dated quite a bit before we got married..he did some. I was probably the "wild child" of the two of us, but I knew he was the one I wanted to be with.

Riso-chan...there is someone out there for you. You may need to look in different places than where you are already looking. Don't just look at the person himself, but at what he values. I knew I was on the right track with my husband when I found out he went home from college on Sundays to go to his grandmothers for lunch because she was his favorite grandma.

 

[Leopardess]

Riso - you're not the only one, don't worry

I do agree that some people just aren't made to stay with one person. Others are.

I've been with Chris since I was 15... we never really dated anyone else but each other. Not so much by choice, but how much dating can you do before 15! Besides, we knew we'd get married from the second day we'd met! I gotta say, I'd feel...."icky"...if I didn't know where he's been...rather, where he hasn't! I'm an insanely jealous person anyway...no helping it. I blame my mother.

That's just me, though. People are all different and that's what makes the world great.

 

[aknif]

Part of it is an age thing too. When I was 20, I would have been hard pressed to find someone in my peer group who WAS monogamous or even wanted to be monogamous! Also, in my experience, men are a little, uh, slower to mature... My husband is 6 years older than me, and that seems about right for us to be on the same page emotionally. If I would have met him when he was 19 or 20, I wouldn't have given him the time of day! I've heard his frat house stories and they make me sick quite frankly!!

I believe there is someone out there for everyone. It's just a matter of finding them and then not listening to your mother tell you they're not good for you! HA HA!

 

[Matak]

So monogamy is something that we grow learn to appreciate. In other words, we mature into the knowledge that manogamy is the best situation.

Just a couple of interesting side notes: i) stats show that couples that don't co-habitate before marraige have the best chances of staving off divorce, and that the longer the period of co-habitation, the greater the chance of divorce, and ii) the divorce rate for arranged marraiges is about the same (within a couple of points) as that of non-arranged marraiges.

 

[beviking]

Timmain42...thanks!

...but I'm not someone who cares about what is the norm for anything. Do what you feel is best!

DITTO!

Don't you mean "Git 'er Done!"? ...

Yeah...that too!

nursie, I believe it is genetic (men are geared to produce many offspring, millions of sperm cells, little investment in raising offspring, women produce a single egg, by nature much time is devoted to caring for one offspring) and it is a learned or social "abnormality" that men are monogamous. Counter to aknif's statement (and I'm not being arguementative!), I was more "hard core" believe in monogamy when I was younger (late teens, early 20's).

Matak, I wonder how old those studies are...?

 

[Riso-chan]

Thanx everyone for commenting. I had no idea I would start up a big conversation like this! I agree that many people a wired differently and also that it may take time before someone really nows what they want. I think both genders when younger are more to be a bit wild in the beginning, and then after a while they may or may not decide to settle with a person. I think that for me someone would have to be a little higher on the age bracket, maybe 5-6 yrs older than myself. Many of the people my age that I've known are not always level with me mentally. Anyway, I appreciate knowing I'm not the only one that worries about these things. I hope I don't hav to wait as long as my Mom to find someone; She was 29 when she met my Dad. And for the most part, I hope that things aren't too complicated when I enter that phase of my life. Thanx again for sharing stories, advice, and theories with me. Also just want to say that I accept poeple, whether monagomous or not, I just worry too much sometimes about matters of the heart. Sometimes, I think that being young or old can be crazy. Hell, just the matter of being alive can often be crazy!