controlling water flow on a sump without a standpipe is a tricky one, I've seen people do it with a simple ball valve but keep in mind in the event of power failure your upper tank will continue to drain into the sump tank. The idea of a standpipe is that it sits just below the water surface and the flow is pretty much controlled buy the pump below. Water has to be above the standpipe to flow in, so in essence only the amount of water that can be pumped up can flow down. Adjusting how much water ends up in the lower tank during power failure for a safeguard is as easy as adjusting the height of the standpipe. Weir's will work in much the same way only using a hang on back type siphon.
I've seen reasons for all three types of setups, and to be quite honest reef tanks are a new thing to me. The general idea of plumbing sumps and what not is something I've done for other applications. For flow rates and what not I'll stand back and let the experts answer that one! Just make sure your sump and standpipe can keep up with the pump!
As far as the Nitrate question, many other things other than fish are much more susceptible to high nitrates. Most aquarium hobbyists strive to recreate as natural of an environment as possible in a small tank, in the wild there's a balance of everything that relies on several facets to work. Nitrates are typically reduced in lakes, streams, and the ocean by natural plant life and anaerobic bacteria that exists in de-oxygenated areas. In a tank this is not always possible at all. Best advice would be to try and keep it as low as possible. Look at what you want in your tank, and adjust your worry level to how suceptible your livestock is. If you have sensitive corals, worry... a few hearty fish that dont mind so much... eh try to keep it down but dont kill yourself. Also keep in mind that biological filters and foam pads in filters (especially canisters) will keep nitrates up if not cleaned and maintained properly. the bacteria that changes nitrate into nitrogen gas is very different from the bacteria that turns nitrite into nitrate.
do whatcha can, and good luck on the sump!