Really need some help. Regarding relationship

Well one thing I can tell you from experience, especialy if you are going from a long distance relationship to a close one, don't move in together right away...thast just tempting fate. Try living close to each other and dating for a while before you live together. People change a lot with time, especially at your age, and it would suck to have a place together and a month or two later find out that its really not working and have to deal with moving again, etc etc.
 
Wow. this sounds familiar.
In the beginning of my relationship with my fiancee... he moved to austrailia. This was 1-2 months after we had gotten together. I was devestated, but knew it was coming.
We talked alot.
There were only 2 weeks where we didnt talk.
Stuff happened. I got drunk at a party and ended up kissing another guy. Ther next morning I fessed up, told him all of it.

He came back a few months later, and about 4 months after that I moved in with him and have been with him ever since. it came 2 years in june.

He had to come home. I was depressed, confused and dazed.

Long distance does work, for a time. It really does depend on the people. My mom and my stepdad were long dist for 2 years b4 they got married.
 
Long distance relationships don't work?

My wife of 8 years and I would tend to disagree with that- although granted- we would alternate who had the 4 hour drive and come visit who each weekend... and we did make an effort to see each other every weekend- so it wasn't cross country where we never saw each other.

We also got married after just one year of dating.

As for, whether to save the relationship- and how to do so... no-one on the internet is going to know the particulars of your relationship to be able to give you great advice on that.

I would suggest that although breaking up can hurt, bad... most people go through several serious relationships before finding "the one" they finally settle with. Despite all the "soul mate" and "one and only" mumble jumble some people say- truth is there are many people out there that you are capable of falling in love with- as they are with you. Love is not enough- you need to find someone with whom you can have a happy relationship.

Are you going through a bad-patch or is this how a relationship with this girl would be. I don't know that. No-one knows that.

You're not going to want to hear this- or believe it right now- no one does... but I would suggest at 21 you don't throw your life away moving across country- or waste hers by encouraging her to do the same. Wait till schooling is out the way.

It sounds trite- and it is a cliche- but there are plenty of other fish in the sea. You just have to try to step on as few bristleworms as you can whilst trying to find the one with whom you can be happiest.

Very few people are with their future spouse at the age of 21. Everyone thinks their love is the love of their life when they are 21- but few really are.

It's up to you to decide if the recent rockiness is worth the struggle and worth the fight. It's very possible to be in love with someone and not have a happy relationship. We can't tell you whether you should fight for her or let her go- that's entirely your decision because only you know all the facts and feelings.

As someone who has been incredibly happily married for 8 years- I would suggest that happiness in a relationship is just as important as love. Finding someone to love is easy- finding someone to be happy with... that's the secret.
 
there are a lot of really long posts in this thread so i will keep my two cents really really short.

Long distance relationships do work, and like any relationship they require work. but they require just a bit more work than normal.

It sounds to me that your 'honeymoon' stage of the relationship has come to an end and the point where the two of you further your relationship by delving into the more sensitive topics in regards to learning about each other might never have come. the lack of 24/7 connectivity is being perceived in the wrong manner by one or both of you.

If you love her and you want to make your relationship work you need to show her how important she is to you. you know what step that is.

good luck
-chris
 
The distance will create insecurities, and the empty feeling of going to bed alone when your in a relationship get hard to deal with. Get together or move on. The longer you drag it out when its not working the harder it will be. But if you think its something worth saving, I'll give you a little info from the ladies point of view...

The dumping you for not talking to her and hanging out with your friends = "I must not be that important to him anymore" or "I needed that attention, and dumping him might get it, if he has no interest in talking to me, I'll get it" and in turn is a cry for your undivided attention. With you not being there physically, when you did not call, its harder to deal with since its all you have. (think about it as if you didn't come home one night, it to her, can feel that way due to the call being her only tie to you)

Basically you both have needs for each other. In a working relationship, we complement each other. And if we are not there to fulfill the other and yourself, it will move to tensions, and insecurities. You need to be with each other if you want it to work.


IMHO
 
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Most everyone has stated here the advice I would give. If she's worth it to you then make it work. Long distance relationships CAN work. I'm proof of that. I met my future husband years ago but I live in Virginia and he lived in Michigan. We made it work since we really loved each other. Yes it was tough, but it worked in the end. Long distance relationships work when they are no longer long distance. Good luck to you, no matter what it will work out.
 
Agree with what others are saying in that long distance thing does work if you are both super committed and if it isn't for too long. You both are fighting over everything because of all the uncertainty and insecurity about not being physically with each other.
Because of the insecurity, you have to keep on that schedule of when you are supposed to call her, if you don't, then she will freak out.
All of the best.
 
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