thanks for the feedback. All the problems you're bringing up are with fish I haven't kept personally - I made that list based on what I could find online...I far prefer info from people who've had direct personal experience with the fish though.
The kribs I've found aren't a problem if they've got enough space and hidey-holes. In the dwarf cichlid tank I had, I had a pair who did very well, and it was only a 20 Gallon tank. They defended their cave, but weren't a problem. I had them with a couple of blue rams, and a trio of apistogrammas. I also had a chinese algae eater in there. I didn't have any fighting in the tank. Maybe I got lucky? However, Kribensis are, beyond a doubt, my absolute favourite fish, and the one fish I've got my heart set on having in the tank...
So, it seems I would need to scrap the BGK, which is really more ethical anyway, since I know it will get bigger than I want (but geez, they're so neat looking!). Then I'd need to decide whether I wanted butterflies or the smaller rasboras and tetras. Then I'd need to decide whether I wanted the shark, or the loaches and cories...
Good thing I've got lots of time to make up my mind!
Can anyone suggest an alternative to the loaches? The reason I'm thinking loaches is because they burrow, and that's good for the substrate. And I know most people like them to look at, and I figure my hubby and kiddo will think they look cool. I KNOW people love loaches, but honestly, for some reason, they totally freak me out. I'm phobic of bugs, which for me includes worms, so maybe it's that? but if I accidentally touch a loach when I'm working in a tank, I can't help myself, I do a little panicky shrieky dance - I'm such a dork lol. The reason I said Kuhli loaches is because they're the least freaky to me, but really, it would be better if it wasn't a loach at all...