So, anyone got a good joke to share??

C

Cheech

Global Moderator
Jan 13, 2000
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Montreal, Canada
What the heck man!! Usually there would be tons of jokes being shared on this forum, I haven't read any in ages!!

Anyone got a funny? ? ?

how about this one...

"Why did the boy throw a stick of butter out the window???





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cause he wanted to see a BUTTER-FLY !!!!



K, at this point I'm kinda figuring that you understand why I need to hear something funny for a change. . .. ;)
 
This one's kinda old, like me:

A woman brings an obviously sick parrot to the vet. "Your bird has a terminal disease, Ma'am", the vet tells the lady. " I can euthanize the bird or give you some drugs for him to make his last days more comfortable."
Not liking the diagnosis at all the woman asks if some more tests can be run. The vet nods, goes into a back room and returns with a large Laborador Retriever. The dog sniffs the limp bird, looks at the vet and shakes his head.
The vet takes the dog to the back and returns with a very overweight Persian Cat. He sets the cat down, which sniffs the bird and gives the vet the same negative signal.
He takes the cat back and returns, telling the woman she owed him $175.00.
"Why so much?", she exclaimed.
"Well, ordinarily the visit is only fifty dollars but with the cat scan and the lab report..."



I think that's the only clean one I know.

Mark
 
So a man walks into a bar with his pet monkey and orders a drink. After a short while, the monkey gets restless, runs down the bar, grabs some popcorn and eats it. Then the monkey runs to the other end of the bar and eats some of the beer nuts that are in a bowl. He then jumps around and goes for one of the hot dill pickles and follows that with a pickled hard boiled egg. Off the table he goes, onto the pool table and eats the cue ball.

The bartender screams to the man, "did you see that, your monkey just ate the cue ball!" The man replies, "he eats just about anything", finishes his drink, and leaves with his monkey.

A couple of weeks later, the man returns to the same bar with his monkey. He orders a drink and his monkey starts the eating again. He is off to gobble a peanut, but sticks it up his butt first, then eats it. Tries some popcorn, first doing the butt thing, then eats it. Next he tries a Slim Jim with the same technique, butt..then eat.

Once again the bartender screams, "Did you see what your monkey is doing before he eats those things?!!".

The man replies, "Ever since he had trouble passing that cue ball, he test fits anything he eats for size".
 
What did the blonde say to the doctor when she found out she was pregnant?

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"Are you sure it's mine??" ;)
 
ok migh of heard this might of not...

theres a group of 3 guys at a table in a bar, one of the guys gets up and gos over to the bartender. The bartender asks "what would you like?", the man replies " i bet you $50 that i can pee into that cup 15 feet away while standing on the bar counter" The bartender looks at the distance and thinks theres no way he'll make it. " ok then the bet is on". The man gets up on the counter pulls down his pants and starts violently spinning around peeing in all directions. After al the chaos is over the bartender goes over to the cup and not a single drop is in there, so he gos back over to the man and says " well it looks like you owe me $50! "the man hands him the money laughing histericly, The bartender says " what the heck is so funny! You just lost $50 " The man replies "yeah but i just bet those 2 guys over there a $100 that i could pee all over your bar and you wouldnt even get mad! "

i dont know if its funny but its the only one i could rember that isnt dirty or racist.
 
Buying a New Farm
A blonde and a brunette decide to start a farm together. They add up their life savings into a total of $200.00.

Then, the blonde decided to purchase a bull with it. The brunette agrees, and so the brunette leaves to go find the perfect bull. When she does she is to telegram the blonde and tell her to come get it.

Finally, the brunette find the bull of her dreams. The farmer says he wants $200 for it. The brunette, thinking she can get a better deal, says no to his offer.

The farmer says, "Alright then, I'll give you a great deal, how about $199.00?"

The brunette accepts and buys the bull. She has $1.00 left for the telegram. The telegram guy says, "It's $1.00 per word." The brunette thinks about this and says,"Comfortable, write that."

"Comfortable?" the guy questions.

"Yes, you see she reads slow."
Report this post to the Administrator







If you dont get it say the word comfortable slowly, come for the bull!
 
Little tim was in the garden filling a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the youngster was up to, he politley asked

"what are you up to timothy?"

"My goldfish died" replied a tearful tim "and i've just buried him"

The neighbour looked puzzled "Why such a big hole timothy?"

Tim patted down the last mound of earth "well" he replied "He's in your F@*$%£G cat!!!"
 
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