dwayne said:
I guess start with raising our own kids the right way, and hope it 'spreads'...
Hammer, meet the head of the nail.
You are 100% correct. Personal responsibility and accountability start at home. We, as parents, have to not only teach it, but demonstrate it as well. We have to take a hard line against moral relativism and just lay down the law now and then and show as well as say that right is right and wrong is wrong.
Children pick up things SO quickly. My six-year old already knows that if Mommy says "no" it can actually mean maybe. He knows when I say "no" to stop the argument and move on to something else or go to his room and cry for a while, then move on.
My wife is a High School teacher and I am appalled at the number of parents who simply don't get it. This is an example conversation and though it is not directly quoted, it is a nice summation of what I have heard numerous times from her 8 years of teaching:
"Why is my daughter failing your French class?"
"Well, Mrs. Jane'smom, your daughter hasn't turned in half of her assignments, her notebook (which counts as a test grade) and has consistently made failing grades on her tests this six week term."
"I had no idea!"
"Well, Mrs Jane'smom, I do see you signed your daughter's 3 week progress report which indicated she was failing and hadn't turned in several assignments. Also, she hasn't bothered to come in for tutorials after school."
"Well, Jane isn't like other children. She doesn't have the ability to organize like other kids do. Plus, she is really busy with Cheerleading and Drama..."
And the excuses continue. The parent never ever assumes responsibility for having to raise or look after the child and then makes excuses for the child to fail. And, trust me here, parents, no teacher hates a child so much that they make them fail. All kids get the same tests, have the same assignments etc. I love that one when I hear parents repeat it, "My son's teacher hates him and so he makes poor grades." There is a case of a parent who bought into a child's lie. It's sickening to me, but I do understand.
We, as parents, want to believe our children our good kids. We want them to be so much, that we sometimes buy into the lie and even start making excuses for our children. The truth is, if your kid can't keep notes in a notebook and turn it in at the end of six weeks, then they probably can't even operate the friggin' fry machine down at McDonald's. But, Little Jane can certainly memorize lines, stage movement, songs and expression for Drama. Hmm, maybe it's a matter of priorities?
And, it is for parents as well. Sometimes, to put our kids first, we have to take that hard line. We have to make sure they understand that
they are responsible for their lives. We have to punish them when they mess up. We have to stop trying to be our kids' friends and start being their parents. And, I know you can be a parent, and still have your kids love you and like to be with you. You don't have to be a tyrant.
If your child behaves badly, or makes a failing grade, we can't just say, "Well, do better next time." We have to say, "This is unacceptable. Now, how do we correct this?" You sit down with them. You place limitations on what they can do until the problem is resolved. You empower them to solve the problem themselves. That's accountability. And trust me, kids will get more out of failing and then fixing it themselves than from Mommy complaining to a teacher or Principal enough so that a failing grade is changed.
As mentioned earlier in this thread, the future is scary, because schools are not equipping our children with the wherewithal to cope with the real world. There are a lot of reasons for this. There's the whole "teaching for the test" thing in systems where there is a mandatory test. There are teachers having to pass kids and advance them to the next grade because of state or federal requirements saying x% of kids must pass (regardless of whether they have mastered a subject even as necessary as reading!) Then, there is having to appease parents who stubbornly fight
for their kids when in reality they are fighting for their kids
not to learn, be capable, or accountable citizens.
Sorry for the rant. As you can tell, I am passionate about this topic. I am just thankful that my wife and I are (almost always
) on the same page when it comes to kids. I am thankful I was raised by parents who loved me enough to set limits, teach me accountability, and say No when it needed to be said, not worrying if I was their friend or not. I am thankful I am part of a Church that believes in teaching accountability to self, others and to a kind, loving and forgiving God. And, I am thankful for my family. My wife and children mean thw workd to me, and I do not intend to let them down because I was afraid of them being mad at me.
