The daily joke thread

[fish_freak]

Here's a really cute blonde joke that someone emailed me the other day


A blonde was speeding down the road in her Mercedes Benz when a blonde cop pulls her over and asks to see her driver’s license.

The Blonde driver asks, "What’s a driver’s license?"

"It's a little square thing with your picture on it", says the cop.

So, the blonde driver looks through her purse and she pulls out a compact mirror and gives it to the cop.

The blonde cop looks at it and laughs, "Well… if I would have know you were a cop, I never would have pulled you over!!"

I heard that one ages ago but it still cracks me up

 

[fishcatch22]

I heard that one ages ago but it still cracks me up

i'm blonde, and resent that joke. (J/K.)

 

[125gJoe]

There was a sea scout camp near a beach where the porpoises were so friendly they swam near shore at dinner time.

The chef used to announce dinner by yelling:

"Dinner!
For all in tents... and porpoises."



_______

 

[daniel364]

what do you get if you sit under a cow?


a pat on the head.

 

[boofish2]

Bitsy - HILARIOUS!!
Shoot, you guys, I don't know any "clean" jokes. . . I'll get back to you on this one

 

[daniel364]

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, ''Vietnam, 1969.'' The other points his thumb behind him and says, ''Dog crap, 20 feet back.''

 

[fishcatch22]

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as they walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points to his foot and says, ''Vietnam, 1969.'' The other points his thumb behind him and says, ''Dog crap, 20 feet back.''

LMAO!

 

[Bitsy]

:laugh:A young couple was on their way to get married when they had an accident and died. Now they were in front of St. Peter and the young lady asked if they could get married. St. Peter told them, he would have to get back to them with an answer.

Around 30 days later St. Peter returns and tells the couple that they can get married in heaven. The young lady then asks St. Peter, “If things just don't work out can we get a divorce?"

St. Peter looks at her and replies, " Lady it took me 30 days to find a preacher up here do you really think I am going to find a lawyer?!!" :laugh:

 

[CaptnDan]

Rotflmao!!!!

 

[fballguy]

A guy calls a therapist, and says that his 2nd wife had died recently. He says he is feeling really depressed because he also lost his 1st wife to death. The therapist asks him how it all happened, and the guy says, "Well my first wife died while we were in the woods picking mushrooms. She ate a couple of mushrooms and had an allergic reaction, I couldn't get her to the hospital in time, and she passed away on route." The therapist replies, "That is horrible, I'm sorry for your loss," then asks about the guy's 2nd wife. "She got beat to death," the guy says. "By what?" asks the therapist. "By me, I couldn't get her to eat the mushrooms."