Venting About My Frustrating Life...

My Mom and I are both going to a temp agency tomorrow I think, which is worth a try I guess. I just don't have much hope in anything anymore because I've been let down so many times. I'm tired of getting my hopes up only to have them knocked down again.
I often feel the artwork I do is the only thing I ever do right, I don't have much else. I just fail to realize why I was born with the ability if I can't get anything for it. Sometimes I just want to throw all the books I've ever drawn in to the trash. It'll probably only ever end up as a hobby that I never get recognition for, I'm no good at marketing my stuff, can't afford an agent.

The only ones keeping me going are my animals, I couldn't leave them behind, they're too innocent to understand. It's just so hard when everything you've ever wanted to do with your life becomes so impossible.

And yes, I am in dept about 40 grand, it's the International Academy of Design college in Tampa. Rip-off big time, they even lied about the 100% job placement after graduation.

I feel like everything I've tried to get into as far as my interests in animals and art is hopeless. I can't volunteer, I need pay, but that's the only foot in the door if you have no biology degrees. I can't afford to go to school again, probably not ever.

What makes it worse is throughout my years with family and friends who ever saw my art, I was always told that I'd make it somewhere, or that the person would have one of my first works, and things like that. I just never expected life to suck this much.
If I end up gaining nothing from my creativity, then what the hell purpose do I even have? This is my only security, the only thing I have ever done right, the only reason I felt like I was born. Every other basic job I've had I've been let go for not doing something right, so now I have this nervousness on me whenever I do something I'm not used to.
Sometimes I wonder if any students at that school ever have an urge to sue over the rip-off and for being lied to....

Edit: Sorry if I worried anyone with my being so depressed and all. Just having one of those days. I'll be alright, and I won't stop looking for a position somewhere and I'll continue my art on the side. Just the time it seems to be taking to find it often gets to me, and I have to vent my hopeless feelings and cry a little, then I feel better. I actually think a shot at my own comics wouldn't be a bad start, but as with all projects of mine it will take time to get it right. Thanx to everyone who read my post and gave me some comfort along the way. It means alot even if it's not in person.:) ~Angela
 
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Do you have a diverse portfolio to show around? Work that is not Anime (no criticism, but Anime style is specific and unlikely to be what an employer will expect) and clearly not just a school assignment. That will help.

A couple of other options: check with the Florida State Goverment: https://jobs.myflorida.com/index.html (yes, you have to become a member, but since you want them to hire you, this is normal). There are a lot of great resources for local job postings, but you have to invest some time in finding them. Prepare a resume! It matters! I work for the G&F here, and we have no less than 2 graphic designers on staff--fully paid professionals. They create a monthly wildlife magazine, a childrens newspaper, and a quarterly newspaper, working with writers and editors. They win awards just about every year for the publications. Close to anime? Clearly, no, but good experience, and one that will prove to other employers that have you the ability to work in addition to being creative.

Also, depending on, you might consider the Armed Forces. There are lots of jobs in all the branches, many of them in graphic design, and you'd start out with an extra stripe for having the degree. Some training, some travel, and more importantly, so job experience. They'll also help pay of school debts. It's not for everyone, but you should at least consider it.

Oh, and buck up. ;) Yes, it's frustrating and scary. But, it will ALWAYS be frustrating and scary. I have a good job, a good husband, and a nice house. Worked 7 years to get to this point, and now my husband is being transferred 1200 miles away, forcing me to quit my job, sell the house, and move. Worth it because I love him and want to be with him, but still scary. There will always be scary moments, moments of uncertainty. The things that make you YOU won't change, and even if they don't pay the rent, they are valuable because of how they define you. I love reading, but can't turn that into a paycheck. I love riding horses, but can't turn that into a paycheck. Sometimes a skill is best used for a hobby, and there's no judgement in that!
 
Thanx OG, I bookmarked the site and will register there. I'll just have to keep struggling to get where I need to be, for myself, my animals, and my family. It's funny in a way, I knew life was a constant struggle, but never experienced it for myself until now.:) Thanx for all your help~Angela
 
Something to consider: Writing your story was very moving and very well written.
 
Riso, have you ever done any caricature drawing? One of my friends back in college did that all summer long for his "job". He lived in Stony Brook, NY, on Long Island, and every day he took the train out to Port Jefferson and carried his sketch book with him & did black & white caricatures of people for $20 a pop. Made money hand over fist! You might be able to go to the beach & do the same thing...
just an idea...HTH, and good luck with the temp market!
 
Have you thought about commercial photography as a stylist? If you have artistic talent which obviously you do, this might be something to look into. You would have to start out as an apprentice to a stylist but with the talent you can move up fast. Also don't discount volunteering somewhere while you are not working, that helps and you never know who you might meet doing it. You are still very young and unfortunately you will learn that some dreams never come true. I have a Bachelors in Social Work which out of the last 27 years I have been out of school, I used it for approximately 4. I do have an idea for a job till you find something you really want to do. I work for and have worked for the last 10 years, RGIS Inventory Specialists. It is actually a world-wide company headquartered out of Michigan. You can go to their website and apply online and they will forward it to the district office where you live. The starting pay for inventory takers is usually slightly above other area employers and there is a raise after 3 months, then every year. It can be part time or full time depending on what you want and the district you live in. I am now in management but started working part time when my boys were little just to get out of the house when my husband was home. Never in my dreams did I think this is what I would end up doing but I love the everchanging job and the people I work with. You can transfer with them if you move also to just about anywhere. I transferred from IL to WI 6 years ago. I still run across people I worked with in IL. Our website is
www.rgisinv.com.

Good Luck!
 
I'm sure there are some video/computer gaming companies in your area. Get your foot in the door there as a game tester and work your way up. A good friend of mine works for Red Storm Entertainment here in NC and got into the company in a similar manner.
 
Genral72 said:
Something to consider: Writing your story was very moving and very well written.
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Hit the nail on the head. I also write, and currently I'm working on a novel and a short story compilation. Science fiction mainly. These are works in progress, so it won't be a while til they're complete. These things come out better if you take time with development.

Thanx for everyone's advice and comments!:)
 
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