How To Give A Cat A Pill

cattlegrid_79

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Mar 24, 2004
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How to Give a Cat a Pill

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand, as cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.



9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour’s shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door on neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Call fire department to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie the little *******'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of steak fillet. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to Give a Dog a Pill . . .

1) Wrap it in bacon
 
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! where did you get this? its hilarious! :laugh:
 
It is indeed funny. It was posted here sometime a year or two ago - but it's still a hoot.

And I think I mentioned it in the other thread, but, on a serious note....the real way to give a cat a pill, and it works like a charm, is to follow it with a syringe full of water. They have to follow their reflex and swallow, and the pill goes down with it. For a particularly feisty one, wrap the cat in a towel like a burrito first, with just the head poking out. That takes two people.
 
I used to be the Animal Care Coordinator at an animal shelter, and to give a cat a pill, I would grab it by the scruff and tilt its head back then put the pill on the tip of my finger and stick it in the back of their mouth fast. Ya gotta get your finger out quick or ya are gonna get bit! If it was a cat I knew was gonna bite, I would use the pill pusher, but using a finger was easier.
 
To get my cat to take a pill all I would need to do is feed the pill to a gecko.

My cats love eating the little house geckoes.
 
Harlock said:
To get my cat to take a pill all I would need to do is feed the pill to a gecko.

My cats love eating the little house geckoes.

:OT: Does your cat really eat them? And there is no adverse effects? When I was living in Pensacola a few years back we had just gotten a new kitten and she ate one, next day we found her, underneath the couch, stiff, and dead :( Pretty horrifying.
 
:eek: poor cat! are you shure that the geko caused that to happen?
 
We had a dog that caught on to the hide the pill in the treat strategy and would catch the treat and eat around it and leave the pill.
the strategy that then worked was for the second dog to be there too...and she was so intent on not letting the other one get it she would gulp it right down. The timing had to be right and Duke had to be close enough..or she'd spit it out and eat around the pill. Poor baby had arthritis in her hips so bad if she didn't get her pill she was miserable. And there were several pills that had to go down. Dukie got all kinds of treats..twice a day...because of Kira's arthritis.
 
LOL nursie, ain't it the way with 2 dogs? When it comes to stuff like
that, they go from being like a 3 yo to a 2 yo!! (child)

That cat thing is an absolute hoot!! My budman Nara is pretty good about pills, thank goodness. And probably the only good thing about having a BIG dog (aside from deep bark) is I can just open that big old maw and shove anything down in it!!! :laugh:
 
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