i was not trying to start anything controversial. yes, i was in a way looking for advice. at the time i posted my original post i was just feeling horrible and lonely, ect. and i needed to talk to someone. i knew there were a lot of great people on this board as i've been coming here for quite some time and have gotten to know and recognize quite a few of you so this is where i came, as i really don't have anyone in my 'real' world to talk to. thanks to many of the caring members on this board i have gotten some great opinions and was shown other peoples perspectives on the situation. i have been given a lot of things to consider and seeing things through fresh eyes has been helpful, as well as finding people who were compassionate and understood what i am going through. As others have said, some of you have been plain rude. there is no need to attack people or cause issues because you aren't able to understand or have sympathy. like the old saying goes, 'if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.' Some have assumed things that were not right and made opinions of me based on that(like whomever said i should respect him for working all day to support me when i get a pension and babybonus, along with money from my wealthy parents and he brings in...well, 0..) but hey, it is what it is and i will not let that stress me out. i am very thankful to all the people who have replied and come back to this thread to defend me. i am feeling a bit better, it was a rough couple days. infact i think my other half read this thread because he seems to be going out of his way to be kinder to me suddenly, after months of trying to get him to open up and come around. i can only hope that the change will last and that things will improve. i have made some decisions based on my ideas and the new perspectives that i was given by thoughtful members here and i will continue to plug away at life, day by day, and try to do the best i can with what i have. so once again, thank you VERY much to those who helped for the support and for the rest of you, feel free to do and say what you want but if you aren't part of the solution you are part of a problem so keep that in mind.