Funniest joke I've read in awhile: "Classroom Assignment"

She spares one of the mice, as a silent reminder of how cute Todd could be. Wondering what that little guy was thinking and wondering if he knew just how close his fate was to the jaws of the pirahna, she tickles his little ears and a tear swells in her eyes. Changing her mind of the merlot, aware of the headache and thinking it just may be worth it, she pours herself a mug with a splash of OJ. She sits back and watches little Todd, swigging her drink, wondering how she could be considered a groupie after all this time... Butch is staring at her from beyond the glass, giving her that pouty still hungry look... She looks back at little Todd again, gently places the little fellow in her hand and whispers to him...
 
sumthin fishy wrote:

Once upon a time there was a winking blinking girl, named...uh, perilous pupet. She was trying to decide what kind of wine to drink. The saki she saw in her cupboard reminder her so much of Todd, that she had to go with the napa valley merlot. She couldnt bear to think of him, having waited so long for his return, then being cast away as another crazed groupie.

S.A wrote:

Keeping in mind the whole time, a young love that had left her hoping for a future. Reaching for the Merlot, she pondered if the wine would simply sooth her injured ego or give her one hell of a headache. Placing the dusty bottle on the shelf she decided to drowned her self pity by watching her friendly finned fish. They always calmed her nerves, yet she would get this sick twisted grin as she fed pinkies to Butch, her red bellied pirahana, all the while thinking, "Wow, the pink of these mice reminds me of Todd's ears...

Dangerdoll wrote:

She spares one of the mice, as a silent reminder of how cute Todd could be. Wondering what that little guy was thinking and wondering if he knew just how close his fate was to the jaws of the pirahna, she tickles his little ears and a tear swells in her eyes. Changing her mind of the merlot, aware of the headache and thinking it just may be worth it, she pours herself a mug with a splash of OJ. She sits back and watches little Todd, swigging her drink, wondering how she could be considered a groupie after all this time... Butch is staring at her from beyond the glass, giving her that pouty still hungry look... She looks back at little Todd again, gently places the little fellow in her hand and whispers to him...

I wrote:

"Poop happens," and she drops poor Todd into Butch's tank. Turning her back to him so she doesn't see the carnage. The tear that built up in her eye slowly makes its way down her cheek. She wipes it away and decides it is time for bed. She makes her way upstairs, not noticing the tank that Butch was in slowly fill with a black substance masking everything in it. Meanwhile across town two scientists have a talk.

"Hey what happened to the Deadcell mice babies?" ask the first scientist.

"I dunno, there were in this cage I showed my sister," said the other scientist.

"Sister? The one who has a pirahana?" asked the first scientist.

"Yeah, you should see her feed pinkies to....." Both scientists looked each other in the eyes as the gravity of the situation sunk into their bellies.
 
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while perilous puppet tossed and turned in her sleep, thinking of the horrible pain that she had probably caused, she came to a realization that she still missed todd, and that she could not completely set his memory to the oblivion of the past. getting up for a midnight glass of O.J., she passed by Butch on her way to the kitchen, who stared at her with frightenly bright eyes, and a new hunger that seh had never seen before...
 
she began to reflect on Butch's last meal..... Little Todd.... reflecting how she knew where he came from. She could afford 10-fold of these little pinkies but free is free and when her sister, KAPpet showed her the cage of all these little free tickets, she couldn't resist. Butch would LOVE these, she thought, never once considering naming one.
 
But her reflection was cut short when Butch began ramming into the side of the tank. Confused she watched on not knowing what was going on. With a few more hard hits the tempered glass shattered spilling water everywhere and dumping Butch onto the floor. Perilous Puppet ran into the kitchen grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and went back into the living room to save poor Butch. But when she went to reach for him he flopped up and bit her on her hand. She pulled it back letting out an "OUCH!!” Puppet began feeling dizzy and slowly passed out. She awoke looking Todd in the eyes; he was wearing his police uniform.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes," she replied, "What happened?"

"You tell me," Todd pointed to a large hole in the side of her house.
 
"Todd... your supposed to be dead..." she immidiatly fainted, and the hasmat crew took it from there and began the long process of decontaminateing her house, not realizeing the bitemarks on her hand...

Todd, now in his military outfit then went into the strategy room...
alright, there is somthing out there had eaten the deadcell... and we want it dead before it reaches the Twin Cities... and beyond to the mississippi river area... begin mobilizeing the troops and make shure to get a sample of its tissue! the US military NEEDS this!

YES SIR!...
 
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Todd reflects back to his days as a Marine. Those were the days, he thinks, puppet and I were so young, so new.... what could have happened here, what did she go through.... and what was it that put that huge hole in the wall.... she didn't own a Great Dane or Mad Cow.... just what was big enough to cause such destruction...
 
but there was no time for recolection... she was bound to genectic experiments for the rest of her life, and there was a monster out there somewhere, and heading toward the twin cities... todd rushed to the command center from where he communicated to the rest of the military.

soon blood draining screames insued from over the radio

"AHHHH GET IT OFF!!!" one marine yelled through intermitant gunfire
"Name your position Marine!" todd screamed "I REPEAT, NAME YOUR POSITION!"
"they're all gone!! THE MONSTER IS A..." right then the radio went silent, except for the sounds of chomping and knashing... todd had to change the channel to keep down his last meal...
"i want a triangulation of that last signal" he commanded to the nearest radio technition "and i want to call an airstrike..."
 
....a huge airstrike! Todd screamed
"wow not so loud todd, jesus" cooed the radio operator
"sorry, i'm just nervous!"
"ok but an airstrikes not gonna repair my eardrum, christ you can be so insensitve" quipped the operator
"well we'll do a small one then" replied todd, sounding sorry
"how small?"
"2 missles" said todd
"ummmm still a bit loud.....how about some fire works and a few sparklers or may be some indoor fireworks, real jazzy like." replied the operator
"ohh sounds nice, i've got a cheeky bottle of merlot at home too,you wanna go twosies....
 
Being a firm believer of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy of the Marine Corps, Todd decides pass. Little does he know he has just saved his life and the life of the entire Western world.

Across the wire, a small scaley operator with a familiar gleam in his eyes drops the receiver and flops off the side of his radio boat. He glides through the Missisippi toward the Delta...
 
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