1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
definitely. use it whenever you cook veggies, because that cancels out the fat and makes it healthy
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right. never met a Bubba, though I have met Hanks and Earls
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows. at least we get a couple days of practice, and it does snow quite a bit in the NC, TN and VA mountains. whatever you do, watch out for the cars with the Florida plates. They can barely deal with land that is not perfectly flat - the snow gives them seizures
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for. This totally happened to me during one of those snow days
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. yup - movies, gas, bait and snacks all from the same place
6. Do not buy food at the movie store. i disagree, you can buy the food - most of it is microwave-ready anyway
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating. unless it is full of sugar, or covered in cheese
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here. unless they're running from the PO-leece
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either. barbeque is no longer a verb - it is a noun here in the South. the verb is "cook-out"
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin' " defense is valid here. Sometimes he really does need killin'...
16. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say. usually involves either a 4-wheeler, fireworks, or a trampoline. whichever it is, stand back, and have your cell phone ready to dial 911
17. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased. I assure you this is not only in the South
18. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
19. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November. you might just want to keep it packed up until the day you need it
20. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you+re supposed to do. actually, buy anything you might possibly need for that day of snow. most southern towns act like every snowfall is the first time, and they aren't much in the way of clearing the roads
21. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
22. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
23. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
24. In southern churches you will here the hymn, All Glory, Laud and Honor. You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
25. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane to drive in. don't be surprised to get stuck behind an actual John Deere machine, or any other type of farm equipment. hope the driver follows the mountain etiquette of pulling over when the line behind gets too long
26. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.when you ask a classmate or coworker how to get to their house to finish up that project, and they tell you to turn right at the big stump, and the house is in front of the third cornfield on the right after where that Baptist church used to be, you'll understand
