Wedding presents

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geoffgarcia

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Apr 22, 2004
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Background
I'm new to the whole "wedding world" and find myself with invitations to four coming up over the next five months.

I'm trying to decide what would be appropriate for presents (cash value).

I'm going to attend three of the bachelor parties (but wont be in any of the weddings)

I'm not rich and I'm not poor, and while I am happy to be going to the weddings and happy for the couples I'm not one to dish out money without abandon.
I'm just wondering what the "average" would be.

My brothers advice
My brother insists in a flat rate of 200$ per wedding regardless of how well he knows them or what his part is in the wedding.

He says the whole "registry" thing is for girls and family.

Question
I've broken down the relationships to the bride/groom, assuming that each would probably be deserving of a different value present, so if you could toss what you feel is appropriate for each that would be a great help! (obviously I expect the #1 to be very personal, so dont feel you have to put anything for that one!):
1. best friend, sibling, very close family member
2. in the wedding party
3. going to bachelor/bridesmaid events, but not in wedding party
4. attending the wedding
5. going as a guest, no idea who is getting married
 
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Ive only been to one, my cousins wedding. My family gave him a grand. Probably excessive since we dont really like him, and he still hasent bothered to write a thank you note (6 months later)
 
I would keep a blank check with a card and envelope ready to go but don't fill it out until the reception is winding down. Then, based on how good the reception was, you adjust the check accordingly :)

I know what your going through. $200 seems to be the normal amount these days. That's what my wife and I gave at the last two..............but there better be a **** good meal and drinks :soda: :dance
 
I should have invited Geoff's brother and Slipknowttin to my wedding. I always base presents on what I can afford and how close I am to the person. I wouldn't say a flat rate of $200 is reasonable for a lot of people for a lot of reasons.

So you're not rich and you're not poor. Registries are not just for the bride and her family. They are for everyone. Many times couples register for a lot more than they really expect to even get, just to give people options. When my wife and I got married, I was very appreciative of every gift. Some were very useful, the ones we registered for most certainly were. When people deviated from the list, however, we found the presents to be less useful (though still appreciated). Like, crystal candeholders, crystal bowls and crystal whatever. My wife and I are very pragmatic people and crystal is just excessive for our tastes. However, we have used these items on occasion. Cash is always good. One size fits all and no one ever returns it, but it is less personal, admittedly. However, my wife and I ended up with enough cash to get some of the higher end items we wanted off of our registry. Oh, and I weaseled a new computer out of it too.

I wish I could give you more of a guideline or litmus with which to measure. Recently a very good friend of mine was married, and I was taking care of his fish while he was away. My wife and I bought them a meager gift (we are not rich people) and then prepared a nice dinner for them, bought them a bottle of sparkling cider (if you recall, I am LDS), placed some candles on the table and put down some decorations (rose petals, etc) and wrote a nice note to the both of them. When they got back from Maryland (a long way from Texas) having an easy meal in the fridge with all the romantic fixings was just wht the doctor ordered, or so I have since heard.

Sometimes it's the thought put into a gift that means most. So, the better you know someone the better you can do. If I was just a guest, a check is what they'd get.
 
I base it on what is on the registry. If they fill the registry with a bunch of items that cost 20-40 dollars I usually get a couple of things off of it. Or else I get them a couple of presents that are similar. Always give the receipt in case they get 2 of the same thing.

I can't afford giving $200 dollars to every wedding I go to. And I don't figure that people will give it to me.
 
Use the registry, take my advice and the advice of others here in the know, the registry is the way to go, and it's not just for the brides. If they are truly a couple then they both went to the store and did the registry together, not only that but it saves you from having to decide what they might like/want/need. As for #5 if you have no idea who is getting married then why are you going? just a question I would definately stick with the registry on that one. As for the $200.00 flat rate that is just silly. The people you don't know you can get one or two items off their list but I wouldn't go overboard. Whereas #1 you would want to spend a little more obviously.
 
There isn't a standard. It's based on what you can, and are willing, to give. If that's $200, great, lucky them. If it's $10, that too will be appreciated and anyone--and I do mean anyone--who makes a value call based on what they got for a wedding gift should be slapped up side the head. I got wedding presents that were all over the map--some things were gorgeous high dollar crystal that I never wanted and have not used. Some were ordinary things that I really needed, and each got the same thank you note--one that emphasized our appreciation of their best wishes on our wedding first, then the gift.

If there is a registry, and you would like to give them something off of it, great. If not, cash or a gift card to where they are registered is the better option unless you know the couple well enough to pick something both will value.
 
how do you find out about the registry and where it is and all that stuff?
it wasn't on the invitations:)
 
Should be able to contact the family or a member of the wedding party--if that doesn't work, contact the bride or groom and ask them specifically. I've always wondered why people didn't make the more readily available!
 
FWIW, I base my gift giving at weddings on $50 per person and work up from there depending on my closeness with people getting married. So, for a coworker, casual friend, etc., my wife and I would give $100. If its a close friend or relation the its based more on what we can afford/want to give. I would pretty much top out at $200 though.

Some say to give more if its an elaborate wedding but in my mind the gift isn't there to pay for the wedding so that shouldn't matter.

As far as a registry is concerned, most folks I know have registered for the shower and asked for cash for the wedding. We did that but kept the registry open for the wedding so that those people who insist on giving wrapped gifts could at least get us something we wanted/needed. You could check with someone in the wedding party to find out where they're registered or you could check on line at places like Macy's, etc. and do searchs for the names.
 
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