View Full Version : "Blonde Jokes"
Corvina
07-19-2007, 5:33 PM
OKAY, this is not here to insult blondes, just to share in the fun of all the 'Blonde Jokes' out there.
(Blonde is Beautiful) :)
I'll start with:
"How do you put a sparkle in a blonde girls eyes?"
"You shine a flashlight in her ear"
jpappy789
07-19-2007, 5:35 PM
A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.
She ran into one of her friends.
Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"
She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag.
The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess
how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many
fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
Sovran
07-19-2007, 5:36 PM
3 blondes walked into a building
you would have thought at least 1 of them would have seen it.
Dwarf Puffers
07-19-2007, 5:37 PM
A blonde was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag.
She ran into one of her friends.
Her friend asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"
She tells her friend that she has some fish in the bag.
The friend says, "Fish! Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess
how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."
The blonde says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many
fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."
LMAO!! :hitting:
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:37 PM
A blonde and a redhead met for dinner after work and were watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, "I'll take that bet!"
Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owned. The redhead said, "I can't take this, you're my friend." The blonde said, "No. A bet's a bet."
So the redhead said, "Listen, I have to admit, I saw this one on the 5 o'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied, "Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!"
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:40 PM
Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The blond with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."
Sovran
07-19-2007, 5:40 PM
KOTD - I am blonde
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:41 PM
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:42 PM
KOTD - I am blonde
so you can relate?
:evil_lol:
Sovran
07-19-2007, 5:44 PM
:raspberry: :banhim:
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:45 PM
:banher:
:dance:
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:48 PM
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
Corvina
07-19-2007, 5:50 PM
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The blonde officer asks her for her drivers license.
The blonde in the car cannot find her license so she pulls out a compact mirror the size & shape of her drivers license and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror and says:
"So sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer too."
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 5:51 PM
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The blonde officer asks her for her drivers license.
The blonde in the car cannot find her license so she pulls out a compact mirror the size & shape of her drivers license and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror and says:
"So sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer too."
:lol: :lol:
ZSandmann
07-19-2007, 5:52 PM
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker in the bottom of your pool.
Two blondes are walking in the woods. They see some tracks ahead. The first blonde says, Hey look deer tracks. The second blonde says, Nuh uh they're rabbit tracks. This continues for thirty minutes until they're both hit by a train.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A windtunnel.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A natural brunette.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-what's a lightbulb?
-Two, one to hold the bulb, and one to spin the ladder.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
-Two, one to make the batter, and one to peal the M&M's.
-Two, one to make the batter and one to squeeze the rabbit.
Blonde inventions:
Solar powered flashlight
Ejection seats for helicopter pilots
Putting the words on the light switch. If it's on you know it and if it's off it's too dark to read.
so a blonde girl having her hair cut is sitting there reading a magazine or whatever. The hairdresser accidentally cuts through the cord to her ipod. Blonde girl starts gasping, grabs her throat, turns blue, dies slowly...apparently suffocated.
When they listened to the track that was playing it was just a voice saying :
"breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
Dwarf Puffers
07-19-2007, 6:08 PM
MORE! MORE! MORE!!!
KingOfTheDeep
07-19-2007, 7:14 PM
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A: Third grade.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
MikenDanielle
07-19-2007, 7:19 PM
A blonde is sitting in the doctors office... after a couple minutes the doctor comes in and tells her he has some news he needs to tell her, he continues on to tell her they ran some tests and that she is pregnet. The blonde sits there for a few minutes taking it all in and finally asks the doctor... Is it mine?
smbjedi
07-19-2007, 7:28 PM
How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her pencil. :evil_lol:
jm1212
07-19-2007, 7:42 PM
:grinyes:
Corvina
07-19-2007, 7:50 PM
What did the blonde say to the brunette?
"How do you keep your roots so dark?"
12 Volt Man
07-19-2007, 9:46 PM
LOL
clown-lover
07-19-2007, 9:52 PM
so a blonde girl having her hair cut is sitting there reading a magazine or whatever. The hairdresser accidentally cuts through the cord to her ipod. Blonde girl starts gasping, grabs her throat, turns blue, dies slowly...apparently suffocated.
When they listened to the track that was playing it was just a voice saying :
"breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
clown-lover
07-19-2007, 9:54 PM
What do you call 6 blonds standing in a line..
a wind tunnel...
equus_peduus
07-19-2007, 10:20 PM
One day, after watching a documentary about Eskimos, a blonde decides she wants to try ice fishing. After acquiring the necessary equipment, she bundles up and goes to set up on a nearby patch of ice.
Soon after she hacks a hole in the ice, a booming voice comes from above.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
Startled, she moves a few feet over, and tries again.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She chooses a new location further away from the second location, and begins to hack away.
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE."
She looks up at the sky. "Is that you, God?"
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK."
kuhliloach
07-19-2007, 11:52 PM
Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A: Blow in her ear.
Q: How do you measure a blonde's intelligence?
A: Stick a tire pressure gauge in her ear!
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: A blond going to London on a plane, how can you steal her window seat?
A: Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper
does that include me?
Dwarf Puffers
07-20-2007, 6:19 AM
Hahahahaha...
A smart blond and santa jump off a building at the same time. Who hits first?
Neither. They don't exist :D
J double R
07-20-2007, 7:57 AM
A jack-of-all-trades was appraising the house of a lady for some drywall repair she required after a nasty storm blew out a window. the lady stood with him and fretted over how much it would cost. every time she would ask a question, he would lean out the broken window and shout "HEY! GREEN SIDE UP!" after doing this 4 or 5 times, the lady became curious and asked the man why he was yelling out her window.. his reply, "Sorry ma'am.. I've got a crew of blonde men across the street laying sod."
:D
Sovran
07-20-2007, 8:06 AM
A jack-of-all-trades was appraising the house of a lady for some drywall repair she required after a nasty storm blew out a window. the lady stood with him and fretted over how much it would cost. every time she would ask a question, he would lean out the broken window and shout "HEY! GREEN SIDE UP!" after doing this 4 or 5 times, the lady became curious and asked the man why he was yelling out her window.. his reply, "Sorry ma'am.. I've got a crew of blonde men across the street laying sod."
:D
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :rofl:
what do you call a group of blondes at the bottom of a swimming pool - air pockets
One blonde says to the other 'which is further away, London or the Moon'...the other one says 'helloooooooooo...can you see London ?!?'
Who wants to be a millionaire...barbie is on the final question :
"Barbie you've done brilliantly so far, for one million dollars, here is your question :
'which of the following birds does not build its own nest :
is it a) a robin, b) a cuckoo, c) a thrush, d) a blackbird'
Barbie says ooooh...I don't really know...I will use my last lifeline and ring Cindy.
"Cindy you've got barbie on the line and she needs to know which of these birds does not build its own nest. Is it a) a robin b) a cuckoo c) a thrush d) a blackbird"
Cindy says "Barbie I am one million percent sure its b) a cuckoo..
Barbie says I will answer b) a cuckoo
"Is that your final answer"
"Yes, final answer, b) a cuckoo"
"Barbie you have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS !!!!!!!!!" yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay etc. etc.
So later that night as they celebrate Barbie says to Cindy, "tell me how did you know and how were you so sure that the answer was b) a cuckoo" and Cindy says, "well, when I thought about it it was loike toooooooootally obvious...cuckoos live in clocks...duh!"
guppyguppyfish
07-20-2007, 9:18 AM
2 brunettes and a blond were talking about what they would bring if they where stranded in the desert,
the first brunette says, i would bring water to drink
the secong one said, i would bring a blanket because it gets cold at night
the brunette said, i would bring a car door so i could role down the window if i got to hot!
2 brunettes and a blond escaped from prison and ran down an alley and hid in potato sacks.When the first brunette heard police coming she made dog sounds and the police thought it was just some stray dogs in the alley and kept going, the second brunette made cat sounds and the same thing happend.When the blond heard police coming she started saying, potato, potato, potato and was caught by police.when the police asked her what she was doing she said she was trying to sound like a potato.:silly:
jpappy789
07-20-2007, 12:40 PM
Haha I like the second one!^
Squawkbert
07-20-2007, 1:41 PM
Corvina walks into a bar and starts in telling a lengthy blonde joke when the bartender comes over and interrupts.
He says
"Before you finish that joke, I should warn you that, in addition to being a blonde myself, I'm a black-belt holder in karate. See the blonde barmaid over there? She's my Karate instructor. The blonde woman and her blonde date that the barmaid is taking orders from - they're owners of the gym across the street and they're the Golden Gloves boxing champs in their weight classes.
Now, are you certain you want to finish telling that joke?"
Corvina thinks for a second and says
"I guess not. I don't want to have to explain it four times."
jpappy789
07-20-2007, 1:44 PM
:lol:ROTFLMAO!! :rofl:
Corvina--->:lipssealedsmilie:
Corvina
07-20-2007, 7:25 PM
HAH HA ROFLH (Roll on the Floor Lauging Hardily)
It would take 20 times and an hour of media presentation for all those blondes to understand it. he he :)
jpappy789
07-20-2007, 7:30 PM
Corvina you funny!:evil_lol:
clown-lover
07-20-2007, 8:46 PM
2 brunettes and a blond were talking about what they would bring if they where stranded in the desert,
the first brunette says, i would bring water to drink
the secong one said, i would bring a blanket because it gets cold at night
the brunette said, i would bring a car door so i could role down the window if i got to hot!
Not to be mean.. In jest only...
Shouldn't that last line read The Blond Said??? Did you just have a blond moment? J/K :)
jpappy789
07-21-2007, 12:29 AM
cl you're sharp!
Dwarf Puffers
07-21-2007, 1:00 PM
cl you're sharp!
I noticed too but didn't want to be picky :silly:
clown-lover
07-21-2007, 2:24 PM
I noticed too but didn't want to be picky :silly:
I wasn't trying to be picky.. Just wondering if she was blong.. :)
Pufferpeep
07-21-2007, 9:25 PM
Here's my favorite blonde joke:
A lawyer and a blonde are on an airplane. The lawyer gets bored so he asks the blonde if she would like to play a game. He says " The game works like this: I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me 5 dollars. And if you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I will give you five dollars." The blonde looks at him, politely declines and then turns in her seat and takes a nap. When she wakes up the lawyer says, " How abut this. If you ask me a question and I don't know the answer I will give you 200 dollars, but if I ask you a question and you don't know the answer you only have to give me 5 dollars." The blonde says" O.k. I will play but I get to ask the first question" The lawyer agrees so the blonde asks him her question:
"What does up a hill on four legs, but comes down it on three legs?"
The lawyer is perplexed so he takes out his cell phone and calls all of his super smart lawyer friends. None of his friends knows the answer so he takes out his laptop and frantically searches to no avail.
After an hour the lawyer admits he does not know the answer and reluctantly hands over the 200 dollars. The blonde is elated.
He says okay then, here is my question " What was the answer to your question?"
The blonde replys " I don't know" and hands him 5 dollars.
Swayde
07-21-2007, 10:33 PM
I wasn't trying to be picky.. Just wondering if she was blong.. :)
I too often wonder if people are blong... :P
clown-lover
07-21-2007, 11:31 PM
I too often wonder if people are blong... :P
ggf was supposed to catch that... ;)