"Blonde Jokes"
- Thread starter Corvina
- Start date
Q: Why couldn't the blonde write the number eleven?
A: She didn't know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
A: She didn't know what number came first.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
Q: How did the blonde die drinking milk?
A: The cow fell on her.
Q: How did the blonde burn her nose?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
A blonde police officer pulls over a blonde for speeding.
The blonde officer asks her for her drivers license.
The blonde in the car cannot find her license so she pulls out a compact mirror the size & shape of her drivers license and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror and says:
"So sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer too."
The blonde officer asks her for her drivers license.
The blonde in the car cannot find her license so she pulls out a compact mirror the size & shape of her drivers license and hands it to the officer.
The officer looks at the mirror and says:
"So sorry, I didn't realize you were a police officer too."
How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch and sniff sticker in the bottom of your pool.
Two blondes are walking in the woods. They see some tracks ahead. The first blonde says, Hey look deer tracks. The second blonde says, Nuh uh they're rabbit tracks. This continues for thirty minutes until they're both hit by a train.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A windtunnel.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A natural brunette.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-what's a lightbulb?
-Two, one to hold the bulb, and one to spin the ladder.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
-Two, one to make the batter, and one to peal the M&M's.
-Two, one to make the batter and one to squeeze the rabbit.
Blonde inventions:
Solar powered flashlight
Ejection seats for helicopter pilots
Putting the words on the light switch. If it's on you know it and if it's off it's too dark to read.
Put a scratch and sniff sticker in the bottom of your pool.
Two blondes are walking in the woods. They see some tracks ahead. The first blonde says, Hey look deer tracks. The second blonde says, Nuh uh they're rabbit tracks. This continues for thirty minutes until they're both hit by a train.
What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A windtunnel.
What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A natural brunette.
What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
-what's a lightbulb?
-Two, one to hold the bulb, and one to spin the ladder.
How many blondes does it take to make chocolate chip cookies?
-Two, one to make the batter, and one to peal the M&M's.
-Two, one to make the batter and one to squeeze the rabbit.
Blonde inventions:
Solar powered flashlight
Ejection seats for helicopter pilots
Putting the words on the light switch. If it's on you know it and if it's off it's too dark to read.
so a blonde girl having her hair cut is sitting there reading a magazine or whatever. The hairdresser accidentally cuts through the cord to her ipod. Blonde girl starts gasping, grabs her throat, turns blue, dies slowly...apparently suffocated.
When they listened to the track that was playing it was just a voice saying :
"breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
When they listened to the track that was playing it was just a voice saying :
"breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out..."
Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A: Third grade.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
A: She moved.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A blonde parade.
Q: What is the blonde's highest ambition in life?
A: They want to be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
Q: What are the six worst years in a blonde's life.
A: Third grade.
Q: What do UFO's and smart blondes have in common?
A: You keep hearing about them, but never see any.
Q: How to you keep a blonde busy all day?
A: Put her in a round room and tell her to sit in the corner.
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard?
A: Grade four.
Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance?
A: 144 blondes.
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"
A blonde is sitting in the doctors office... after a couple minutes the doctor comes in and tells her he has some news he needs to tell her, he continues on to tell her they ran some tests and that she is pregnet. The blonde sits there for a few minutes taking it all in and finally asks the doctor... Is it mine?
How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her pencil. :evil_lol:
she has a tampon behind her ear and cant find her pencil. :evil_lol:
