Things customers told you that you knew weren't true

Mg awesome thread! Its amazing how many people bag their LFS, some warrented some not!
I manage a large store in Australia. I have no problems spending hours with a customer if they are willing to listen, but it amazes me when they dont... come back in a weeks time and cry because they have lost there tank to there own stupidity!
There is alot of people that ongoing problems with there tanks but.. know it all! and no matter how hard you try to help it ends up being the LFS fault.
Most people that work in these stores dont claim to know all, i certinly dont but on the same token we own and manage these stores for a reason.
Before bagging your LFS remember that most of us are there to help in any way possible.
Remember we can give advice only and what you choose to do therefore after is up too you.
Lol most of us are not bad guys ... maybe Mg hehehe

When I was working, this bratty child comes up and starts pointing out clown loaches. "I want two of these! They'll go with my gold fish and algae eater!"
"....How big is this tank?"
"10 gallons!"
"....where's your father?"
The father comes up and starts telling me how it'll be fine, they won't grow that much in a 10. *facepalm*
"But they get to 12 inches. And they need schools."
"It's okay, I have a big salt water tank. They'll be fine."
"...These fish have Ich. Get out."

So this thread is meant for those things customers said to workers, but the worker knew the customer had no clue how to take care of fish but were very persistent with their choice?

I want a janitor fish, cause they eat poo.
I want oscars for my fish bowl.
I want goldfish for my fish bowl, how many can I put?
I have a bigger tank at home to switch when they get big.
I cycled the tank last night.
I need to buy 100's of feeders per week to feed my fish.
You cannot keep bettas in a community tank it kills all the fish.
I need balas for my 10 gallon tank I will take the mini version.
I need a hermit crab for my aquarium.
No snails please they will eat my fish.
I need cichilds for my community tank which is a 10 gallon.
Live plants do not help for anything.
I need fish for my turtle tank cause he needs friends.
I need a bigger bowl for my goldfish.
I don't feel like spending a lot on my fish so just give me a bowl.
I researched a lot about fish so I would like these 20 different fish, this 10 gallon tank, and I will fill up the tank tonight. They should be fine right?

I wish I could remember them all but usually I tell them to a coworker and promptly forget... so I don't quit my job in exasperation.

Ich covers the entire fish then the fish suffocates to death.
I think my fish have ich... *describes popeye/fungus/ulcers/etc.*
My pump's too strong, the last fish got stuck to the strainer and died, so give me big ones.
I want a koi/oscar/pleco/etc. ... oh, it gets that big? That's fine.
I want the neon tetras with the most blue.
What's this fish *standing in front of label*
Is this fish that? *point to a label in front of a different tank*
Fish don't sleep.
A water change? You mean like putting more water in so the filter doesn't splash?
Oscars are fine with tiger barbs... we've done it before.
You mean I have to clean it every week? That's too much work! *right after commenting about wanting to get a dog*
I want these fish *hands me a list of 30 some fish* for my 29 gallon I set up last night... what, you won't sell them to me... then I'll go somewhere that will!
The algae killed my fish.
The pH killed my fish.
The food killed my fish.
The light killed my fish.
I just can't keep my fish alive... oh, I don't do that stuff *when I asked about water changes/filters*
That's not a ___ it's a ____ *when we don't even carry what they think it is*
At the other store they were only $___; why are they so expensive here?
I need some more of that water clarifier so I can do a water change.

I'm sure there's lots more. I've heard a lot over the last 5 years.

Yes I do own fish! I got those small black ones.

I had one customer that insisted that their normal red tinfoil barb got to be 24" long.

This doesn't exactly go with the thread, but I once overheard a customer tell another customer that the lighter colored snails produce less poop.