All this time I thought I was the only one who liked sleeping on the couch!
opcorn:Men's rules
- Thread starter sumthin fishy
- Start date
opcorn:
Oh, You're welcome dear. Oh and by the way, I told my mother she could come stay with us for a month or two, that you wouldn't mind one bit and she was delighted to hear that!
Originally Posted by sumthin fishy
The Men's rules
1. You have things that are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that.
Ovbiously we're the more attractive of the two sexes! It will definitely bode better for you to look at your significant other way more often than those young chicks walking by.
If you had kept in the same shape as when we met, maybe we would.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
Fair is fair....there are knobs on the washer and dryer, you're a big boy, you can either look at them or learn how to work them, we already know how.
Underwear can be worn 4 times between washings, we can win this war of attrition.
1. Saturday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
So if this is true for every Saturday, it will be your only in-house Saturday sport! Deal with it. Works well for us too!
That's what mistresses are for.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
Oh well, cooking is not a sport either, so guess you better deal with that one too!
Jack in the box makes better food anyway.
1. Crying is blackmail.
We know that, but heck why change something that works like a charm?
If we catch on that you're using it as a tool, it's over honey.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
* Subtle hints do not work!
* Strong hints do not work!
* Obvious hints do not work!
* JUST SAY IT!
We know that part of the male brain is not developed, but we keep testing it.
Don't blame us for your inability to communicate effectively.
1. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question
Remember that....yes and NO are perfectly acceptable. No has less syllables and is easier to say even with a real headache.
Again, mistresses.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for
Next time you have a cold and are lying in bed moaning holding on to a box of tissues behaving like you're about to die thinking no living being ever had a cold as bad as yours.....maybe one of your buddies will come over and make you some soup. We give birth, there is no sympathy for your colds.
I'm comfortable with this inequality, you can keep the child birth.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor
Haha! Just the way it is boys, get over it.
Got a mistress, done.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days
Totally insane statement, just ask any divorce lawyer!
From the experts on insane.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us
If you think flexing your biceps and chest muscles and sucking in your beer gut in front of the bathroom mirror while shaving means you're still young and in awesome shape....well haha! Not true dear!
Pot, meet kettle.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one
And if you ask us something and we say no, don't ask us again cause the answer is still no and you're making our headache worse by talking!
I wish you could give a distinct clear answer once in a while, like "no", but you seem to be completely incapable.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done, not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
Gosh, another day of headaches!
Another day with the mistress.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
Then why do more men than women buy Tom-Tom's and Garmin's?
For the gadget effect. And, we can give it batmans voice.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
Yup, that works until the chick with the mauve mini-skirt walks by. Then mauve is suddenly your favorite color and you can't believe you've lived this long not know what mauve looks like!
I had to google mauve, but it looks like I found lots of mini-skirts. What was the question?
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
Good, don't ask us to scratch anything for you!
You're just like your mother.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
Please be sure to remove the toys from under the couch cushions prior to sleeping on it for a week. Although we told you nothing's wrong, we do want you to sleep on the couch.
Nothing is wrong, I'll be sleeping in my bed tonight thanks, if that's an issue you're welcome to go to your moms.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Ditto......If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
Finally, we're getting somewhere.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine, Really
Good to know, please turn your tee shirt right side out before you leave the house looking like an idiot?
It's not the tee-shirt that's the problem here. Hey! you tricked me.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as:
* s**
* Sports
* Cars
* or Food
This question doesn't come up too much after the wedding ceremony. We don't care so much anymore what you're thinking.
Problem solved.
1. You have enough clothes.
Genetically impossible for you to know when enough clothes is enough clothes. And no dear, you can't wear plaid shorts to my sister's wedding even though they are really, really comfortable for you.
What if I'm scotish?
1. You have too many shoes.
Again, genetically impossible for you to know when too many shoes is really too many shoes. And no dear, you can't wear the plaid shorts or the flip-flops to my sister's wedding. (Sheesh, any wonder where the frequent headaches come from ladies?)
I'll wear socks too.
1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.
Haha!! Got a new bathroom mirror did ya?
Pot, meet kettle.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don’t mind that, it’s like camping
Oh, You're welcome dear. Oh and by the way, I told my mother she could come stay with us for a month or two, that you wouldn't mind one bit and she was delighted to hear that!
I'm heading to the carribean. It's bikini season there.
:Angel::Angel::Angel::Angel:
Muhahahaha!
Amen. Beautifully put. I read those rules and thought, who in the world acts this way? Maybe my students
But not my friends--male or female--and certainly not my husband.
All in all, I thought most of the rules were funny. But the first one bothers me:
"1. You have things that are for looking at and that is why we do it. Don’t try to change that."
I used to go jogging in the evening, but I ended up stopping, because of the stares--and sometimes catcalls--I'd get from random guys who seemed to be just out walking around. Their stares felt threatening, not appreciative. It was getting dark, no one else was around, that sort of thing. Sometimes I wanted to turn to one of them and say: "You know this is my neighborhood, and I like to feel safe in my neighborhood. How would you like it if someone was staring down your mother this way?" I was just in regular jogging shorts and big loose t-shirts. I don't enjoy thinking that some part of me is simply "for looking at" whether I like it or not, or even if it makes me uncomfortable or not.
Last edited:
