THE FISHKEEPERS COMMANDMENTS
I. Thou shalt learn of the nitrogen cycle before attempting the miracle of the stocking.
II. Well shall thou knoweth which of my tribes will live together in wonderous peace and harmony and which shall cause many a wailing and a gnashing of teeth, yea and nipping of fins.
III. Thou shalt not suffer my finneth people to live in filth but shall exercise thyself on the seventh day which shall be my day and which shall not be a day of rest but a day of water changes. One fifth shall thou change, although in general thy Lord careth not for Nitrates above 20 ppm.
IV. Thou shalt allow for my finneth people to wax mightily in their happiness, that none of them shall be suffered to have their nose and their tail touching the glass at the same time.
V. Manna shall be sprinkled from the heavens in regular and varied fashion that my people may be nourished; yea but thou shalt recall that my people are greedy and foolish whilst also exhibiting the trait of cuteness and often will they attempt to cloud the purity of their waters by seeking that you overfeed whereupon you shall chide them that overfeeding is a sin unto thy Lord and leads to dropsy.
VI. My people shall be protected through you from the hands of the unlearned, the innocent and young, and the feline, none of whom shall be permitted to enter my people's realm but who shall be content to gaze in wonder, yea and in hunger in the case of the feline, who shall have the especial permission of thy Lord to sleepeth on the hood.
VII. Thou shalt not succumb to false prophets who will tempt you to attempt the miracle of the Tiger Oscar and the 10G tank, for this is heresy.
VIII. The sucker fish is special amongst my people and is loved but is fat and lazy and does not eat algae for long anyway. Thou shalt not presume him to do anything other than suck but shall covet thy neighbours algae scraper.
IX. Honour the dead of my people by allowing them to pass from this watery world to the next by a means of your own choosing, but verily shalt thou ensure that they are indeed dead and not suffer them to pass through the sewerage while life is not expired.
X. My people were born unto the tank and in the tank shalt they remain. Never shalt though allow them to wander freely in the world overgrow their tank though they may, in which case though shalt seek forgiveness for breaking my Fourth Commandment and arrange that they are brought to happiness in a proper sized tank, or disposed of in accordance with my Ninth Commandment.
