Sure! Have plenty and willl for awhile! LOL It must of been priceless for anyone who saw your rapid escape from that snake!
Medicine for Msjinkzd
- Thread starter Redneck Woman
- Start date
Not my true story though, but its funny!1
The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?...... Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow, for Curly the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
The next time someone asks you a dumb question wouldn't you like to respond like this?...... Yesterday I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow, for Curly the wonder dog, at Wal-Mart and was about to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had, an elephant?
So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story.)
Horrified , she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's butt and a car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
Trust me if anyone has video of that I'll pay to see it LOL..here is a reenactment of the escape
(looks just like me...ok not really)
("true" size of the snake..atleast in my eyes)
(After I saw the snake)
(And there I go)
(when I got home and explained the snake to My family)
true story rach! Do you think I'd edit the story to boost my ego? ok don't answer that one but just watch when I get older I'm gonna be like
kids gather round dad has a story...before I met your mother I went fish collecting and was face to face with an anaconda lucky for Me I had about 22 years of video game playing under my belt so I quickly defeated the snake and saved the princess. And that is why you play video games and don't go outside it saved my life!
wisdom
Wisdom
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed
up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
Wisdom
An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed
up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.
As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, 'We're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked.' Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the crocodile.'
Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
Lupin
Registered Member
- Sep 21, 2006
- 21,430
- 13
- 0
- Real Name
- Paul
We
all know those cute little
computer symbols called 'emoticons,'
where:
all know those cute little
computer symbols called 'emoticons,'
where:
means a smile and 
is a frown. Sometimes these are represented by
:-(
Well, how about
some 'ASSICONS?'
Here goes:
(_!_) a
regular ***
(__!__) a fat ***
(!) a tight ***
(_*_) a sore ***
{_!_} a swishy ***
(_o_)
an *** that's been around
(_x_)
kiss my ***
(_X_) leave my *** alone
(_zzz_) a tired ***
(_E=mc2_) a smart ***
(_$_) Money coming out of his ***
(_?_) Dumb ***
You have just been e-mooned! Send this
to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people
laughing at your e-mail.
This is NOT a chain
letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad
luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?
kiss my ***
(_X_) leave my *** alone
(_zzz_) a tired ***
(_E=mc2_) a smart ***
(_$_) Money coming out of his ***
(_?_) Dumb ***
You have just been e-mooned! Send this
to 5 people within the next hour and you will be blessed with people
laughing at your e-mail.
This is NOT a chain
letter, so if you don't mail it out, you won't have bad
luck. (But who wouldn't want to e-Moon a friend?
Thought I had forgotten you???? I think it's time for another dose!
Life's (a)Musings
[FONT=arial,helvetica]1.There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and $#!theads!
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
15. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
16. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
17. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
18. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.[/FONT]
__________________
Life's (a)Musings
[FONT=arial,helvetica]1.There are two sides to every divorce: Yours and $#!theads!
2. The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood alcohol content.
3. I live in my own little world but it's OK, everyone knows me here.
4. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been!"
5. I don't do drugs 'cause I find I get the same effect just by standing up really fast.
6. Money can't buy happiness but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
7. I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
9. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the "terminal"?
10. I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected.
11. The most precious thing we have is life, yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.
12. I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
14. No one ever says "It's only a game!" when their team is winning.
15. Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes and lottery tickets, are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?
16. Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a relative.
17. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked?
18. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.[/FONT]
__________________
